Monday, September 23, 2013

Hanging on by a Thread

  I have felt recently that I am hanging with one hand holding onto the side of a cliff. Normally I feel like I have at least two hands on the cliff. I had another low not incredibly bad but around 3 to 4 am early Saturday morning. All I remember is that I was hungry and went and had a granola bar. I know my roommates said they could hear me moving around and I could not tell them what I was doing. All I know is that I am really tired of the bad lows overnight waking up on the floor so very low and unable to treat the lows by myself. I know all these lows and the constant work is really taking a toll on my body which I really don't need right now. I am starting to think I need to figure something out and quickly. Thankfully I do have an endocrinologist appointment in October which is great.

I have been working constantly on my basal rates but unless their is a pattern I feel like I am playing a guessing game. The time I am going low seems to really vary as well because I think the lows are related to stress. So I am really going to keep lowering the basals and hope for the best. I know I have been thinking so much recently about my job and how much it is requiring of me this year and I am not feeling like I can keep up to an extent. I know they said they are working on working my workload because they are realizing how much I do and how much more complicated some of my job duties are. All this some what makes me feel like a failure in some ways but I know deep down the job is more than most people can handle. The average length people stay in my position is two years or less.

I really can see why they leave. The job is challenging and their is not enough support for my position. So I feel like I am having to deal with more than is necessary. I have been great about taking anything on that they give me but at a certain point I have to admit it is just too much for me to handle. I am hoping that the changes in the jobs in the department will help me out in the long run. Honestly if the thing stayed the same I would consider quitting and looking for another job. I really need some sleep and some time off but I might need to find a way to get some time off earlier for my own health. I know waking up to my alarm and Duchess pawing at me I was 31 was not the best start to Monday.


  1. Oh Tarra, I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts and I hope they get some of the stress and workload off of you soon! Hugs!!

  2. Thanks Karen. I appreciate the support. I am sure it will start to calm down soon.