Thursday, July 24, 2014

Wishing for More

I know since my diagnosis with Hypoglycemia Unawareness over 6 years ago things have been incredibly challenging. I know doing simple everyday things can become challenging quickly with the way I drop so quickly and not knowing makes even house work complicated. So I try to preplan out when I do certain things I know will affect my blood sugars. So I spend most of my life pre-planning and organizing my life around my responsibilities and the same goes for Duchess as well.

I know this is pretty normal and I know most Diabetics do this to the same extent. I have been thinking back to all the Diabetic books I have read and all the advice given. I know for me most of the time the suggestions and advice do not work. Especially now that I have Hypoglycemia Unawareness. I know my personal Diabetes has never fit the norm for most Diabetics so I expect some things to not work automatically. I know through all my experiences there is not one book on how to handle Hypoglycemia Unawareness. So it leaves you in a world where you have to come up with a great deal of ideas of how to solve a problem and most will not work and then because of how fast my Diabetes changes the solution may only work for a couple weeks and then I am back to trying to find another solution.

I really wish their was more ideas of how to solve these problems in general. A great deal of the time I find solutions off seeing suggestions and going from their to make it fit for me which can work at times. I know their is so little information about Hypoglycemia Unawareness available it can be frustrating. At time I really wish their was book that could have helped me over the past couple of years. So I know I will always have major challenges to figure out on my own which at time is very daunting.  I have gotten very good at being creative but continually doing it can equal Diabetic burnout and other issues that could impact me. At times things can be more difficult that I like to admit.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A Little Sad

I had such a wonderful time at the Friends for Life Conference the past two years. Every year I feel so incredibly blessed at the opportunity to go and meet so many wonderful people. Each year I meet one more person that leaves me inspired by their ability to handle the difficult and make it look easy. I know every year I meet some really incredible kids and families as well. The whole experience leaves me inspired and hopeful. I know I plan on attending again next year because this conference has become something I want to experience. Seeing all the green bracelets and the feeling of acceptance is an indescribable experience. I love the whole week of non-stop activity and fun. I also really love going to Disney world as well. It is always a fun experience.

I am now feeling rather sad that it is over and it won't be until next year that I get to see a great deal of my new and old friends who have become a big part of my life. I don't feel alone but the distance seems incredibly big at times. I know that part of the conference is this big exciting time and then the small period of time where I am bummed that it is all over until next year when I get to start the process all over again. I know Duchess even seems to love it even though she is on high alert for most of the trip. I know that I will see most of the people next year but I am sad that I don't get to see some of my great friends who are really a support network of people who get it. I know I need this more than I realize at times.I know I feel blessed for this time to interact and learn a great deal. I know this year I learned more than the first time I attended.

I can't wait to see what next year will bring and I know I can't wait to see my friends again.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Negative Messages

I have  been thinking a great deal about a class I attended at Friends for Life Conference in Orlando. We were discussing the guilt. I know I tend to feel guilty for a great deal of things in my life even some that I don't have complete control over. I know that guilt at times can eat you alive. I know I learned as a child that a high blood sugar meant that you were bad and sadly my parents only reinforced that when I a teenager. I know I got in trouble at times because I was high at dinner not because I wasn't trying but at times stress could make me soar upwards now I tend to soar downward. I remember all the times that my own Dr. told me I was bad because my A1c went up when I was around 12 or 13 when my decided I should an Endocrinologist that she was seeing.

The really odd part is that a 12 or 13 year old child is growing a great deal and some changed in blood sugars should be expected. I know during that time I was growing pretty quickly. I know that these experiences still affect me today because this Dr. repeatedly made me feel like a failure when I was trying my best. I also know that I felt incredibly out of place during this as well. I know I was extremely shy and quite. My life was not easy but my blood sugars seemed to be creating more and more issues. I know my parents meant well but they really made things for difficult by sending me the message that I was bad if my blood sugar was not in range. I know why there was a period of time where I gave up completely because I knew I had failed.

I know teen years are incredibly difficult at it is but adding Diabetes makes things incredibly difficult. I know that my parents did everything they could for me including getting me the best medical equipment possible. They also made sure I had proper medical coverage so I could get what I needed. I know I still have that message that plays in my head when I see a 200 or 300 the message still plays over and over again in my head. I know as a Diabetic with an excellent A1c I still feel guilty for a high blood sugar or a  really bad low. I know right now I am doing great but trying to get rid of the past guilt and messages is probably the hardest thing to deal with. I am not sure how I will ever get rid of this though process. I know I am not really bad because I have a high but I still feel like in some ways I do because of my past experiences. I am so glad that most Dr.'s today have figured out that scare tactics and treating patients that way does not work.

I really wish that some day I can get rid of the negativity associated with blood sugars when I know I am human and I do the best I can. I am always looking for ways to get rid of the messages in my head but I not even sure how. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Blood Sugars Not Where I Want Them to Be

My blood sugars three weeks off of predisone are not where I was hoping. I am still moving up after eating so I am going back to the using my insulin pump to determine amount of insulin and taking the full units by injections. the .65 etc are dosed by the insulin pump which worked before going off. I am not sky rocketing like before but I am getting up into the 150's which is not where I want to be. So I am trying to reduce the spike after eating. My numbers generally are not moving nearly as much as they were when I was on predisone which is a blessing.

I am really wishing I could be working out right now but instead I am resting my ankle because I am still getting some swelling from my wound while low. I am hoping to see more improvement so far today much less swelling and much less redness which is a great sign. I am hoping that by next week I will be back at the gym working out again. I know I have only been back to the gym for a short period of time but I really have noticed I am not nearly as stressed I tend to handle things more efficiently. I also noticed that in general I feel much better and noticed that I started to have less lows that were as dramatic as before. So I know if I can get back to it a great deal more of things to come. I know I still need to work on the lows while working out and I am making progress. I know if I keep working at it eventually I will figure it out.

So after a long week I am hoping for a quite weekend of resting my ankle and hoping for more healing so I can get back to all the things I need to do.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Sometimes I Hate Prescription Drugs

I am not always the most coordinated person alive so I get bumps and scrapes here and there with no issues. I know when I came back from vacation and started to exercise last week that I could get sore because I did not exercise like I normally do. I started working out Wednesday night no issues and then worked out Thursday night. I ran into some incredible legs cramps from the lactic acid build up. I of course tried to walk out the leg cramps which worked. I was really tired that night so I went to bed early. I woke up feeling really tired on Friday but nothing seemed unusual except I had left my Television on. I normally turn it off. The things seemed a little moved around but I did not focus on that. I had to get ready for work as normal.

So I get to work and half way through the day my ankle starts to hurt I look down and I have to big gashes in my ankle. I don't remember being low but I have a feeling I was. I have no memory of what happened and Duchess sadly is not a big help in that way either. So I cleaned the wound out at work with soap and water. Then added antibiotic ointment once I got home. I decided that I should not work out because of wound. So I did not. Then Saturday I went home and then ended up coming back home early because my ankle was swelling so I rested my ankle. I did do my normal cleaning of my house on Sunday with no issues. Then Monday night my ankle really swelled up even with repeated cleaning of the wound and antibiotic ointment.

Yesterday I go to an after hours clinic and they said yes I had an infection in my wound. I know the Predisone that I just stopped taking and the Methotrexate both slow the healing of the body. So now I am on Antibiotics for ten days and the bad part is that the Dr. missed the fact that the antibiotic should not be used when taking Methotrexate. I am really glad I researched the drug before I started to take it. I also have drug allergies as well so I try to be careful what drugs I am on. So no Methotrexate for the next 10 days. I know I could call my Dr.'s office but I am skipping it and just not taking the Methotrexate because I know they will want to switch antibiotics which will cost me more money out of pocket. So I am just going to make due.

I am just upset that taking the prescriptions I needed to take caused more issues. Thankfully I am off of the predison and most of it should be out my system in next week or two. I know I need to take things but when it affects healing it can be frustrating.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Diabetes Stigma

I know at Friends for Life there was a discussion about Diabetic stigma's. Which I know most of us  have experienced. I know I have hear so many stigma's about do you have the bad type? I always try my best to educate them that their is no easy or bad type they all are difficult. I know I have even seen in the media where they brought on Diabetics with complications and said this is what happens when you don't take care of yourself. I know it made me so angry because they determined without really talking to the person and just asked why did you not do better. I know according to our media a great deal of the time do a + b=c but that is so far from the case. I know I always hate when some one says to me you don't have the type where you were lazy gained weight and then needed insulin are you?

That one makes me angry because my grandfather has type 2 as well. So I hate hearing that and I try to educate them that it could be any of us that gets Type 2 Diabetes and it does not mean  you are lazy or did not try. I know I get it all the time if you had only tried harder but at time depression, life and other things make that incredibly difficult to do. I know at times I felt so overwhelmed by it all and then to constantly hear in my mind you are a bad diabetic because you are 200 does not feel great. I am thankful everyday now that I have the doc for support.

I also realized that when you get complications things can really get extremely tough. I know even other Diabetics can sometimes not be as friendly at times with others with complication from my own experience. I know how wonderful most of the people are but I also really worry about the people with complications that end up leaving the DOC or other online social media sites for Diabetics. I have watched it happen first hand and it makes me incredibly saddened by this. I know these people have a great deal to offer but I also know in our worlds Dr.'s, nurses, other patients and families can consider you a failure. I know everyday I wake up determined to not let my complications rule my life but instead manage things as they come. Doing this is the most difficult thing I deal with because I know other view me as a failure and that is really hard to take.

I know I am so please to see the Doc working to talk about complications which is wonderful but I also still see people with complications leaving us all the time. I know for them shame and guilt is enough to drive a person mad. I know that we are stronger together but it can be hard for other struggling with complications to feel valued when even other Diabetics can view them as a failure. I know we as a community can begin to support those struggling with complications a little better. We all need support regardless of what is going on but I also know that when I got diagnosed with Hypoglycemia Unawareness was the loneliest road I have traveled so far. I know I have been fortunate to be greatly supported by others but some people are not out here blogging frequently and would notice If I disappeared. I know the stigma attached with complications is incredibly difficult and one person checking in with you and seeing how you are adjusting is priceless.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Great Article

I have written several blogs over the past year about Diabetic Alert dogs. A friend of mine was interviewed recently about DAD's by another blogger. I am in full agreement with her that only certain people should have Diabetic Alert Dogs. I agree with teenagers and adults having them but I think for children is where it gets sketchy. Most of the kids I have meet who have Diabetic alert dogs do not have Hypoglycemia unawareness and the need for a service dog at that point is questionable. I know parents are doing their best to protect their children but they are creating a great issue in that they are abusing the situation. A person should not being using a service dog unless you have a disability. I know for me the CGMS does not work that well and I still have issues where I was low but the Dexcom never showed I was low. So for me the only option was a Diabetic Alert dog. I also agree that you need to have the service dog with you all day not just at night. I know Duchess was trained to be with me and to keep me safe. It is confusing for a service dog when you are leaving them at home but expect them to work when you arrive back home. Diabetic alert dogs need to have a great bond as well it is hard to create that when you are not allowing the dog to do their job full time.

Service dogs are big commitments which I take very seriously. If you can leave your service dog at home while at school or work most likely you don't need one. I know from my own experience that I can end up in a very dangerous place very quickly. My diabetes has always been brittle and I am doing great because of Duchess giving me my freedom back. Another fact to consider as well is that only 30 percent will alert at night. Duchess did alert at night when I was in college but now with the longer hours at work she is not able to alert at night. So I feel fortunate that she does alert as long as she does during the day. I know most people buy an alert dog expecting them to alert at night but most do not alert at night. That needs to be considered when getting a Diabetic alert dog as well.

I know I am not able to leave Duchess else where for a week while I am on vacation because I rely on here greatly to help me navigate life in general and at this point could not hold a full time job without her. I am thankful everyday for my time with her. I am blessed to  have her but I think because their is a limited number of dogs we need to consider the people who really need them verses the one's who are not disabled.

Article about friend Ann Wallen 

Thursday, July 10, 2014