Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Some Spots Better Than Others

I know since I have been using my legs at sites for my Dexcom the more I realize how much I miss using my arms. My arms in general tended to have more accurate readings verses my legs which tends to say my blood sugar is higher than it actually is or wants to say I am low when I am actually in the 90's. I know I was hoping after a couple of months that I would be getting the same results as I did using my arms but right now it seems that is going to stay this way. I do move my sights around well and I track where it was placed so I know if I am over using areas but with the legs there is quite a few spots to use so that is not really an issue.

I know I have had some many issues with the Dexcom and reporting even close to where I actually am it can be incredibly frustrating when I see all these people who's Dexcom readings are right on target and mine are always off. I know even with using my stomach there were times that I was able to get close results to where I was at but not regularly. I know I love having the Dexcom and it has been a great tool. I know times like when I am on predisone the Dexcom is the reason I am in a pretty well controlled place right now. I have also been able to make pump setting changes in a much better way because of the Dexcom.

I know I am really hoping that I can give my stomach a try in another year or two because I had some of my best results from my stomach. I am not sure if that will be possible but I am willing to give it a try. I know my arms when I tried them last they were off a little as well. I am not sure why some people get great results and others like me do not get the same results. I really wish the technology was a little better for all not just a bunch of people. I know I have talked with quite a few people who are in the same situation as I am who results are normally skewed. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Unexpected Financial Costs

I feel very fortunate everyday to have Duchess in my life. She is wonderful service dog who loves me unconditionally which is awesome. She works hard and does such a great job. I know when I first found out I was going to get a Diabetic Alert dog I was so excited and optimistic that things would easy. I know from a great deal of my experiences being able to take Duchess where I need with me is never easy. I know the more service dogs their our in my community the easier it will become. Thankfully a great deal of the public access issues I was having are not a big of an issue but occasionally.

I know when I got Duchess I knew I needed help and assistance with things before they spiraled further out of control but I never really thought much about having a service dog in the office. I never knew the full impact of that decision would cause me financially either. I have noticed since I started working with Duchess that my strong work ethic is never recognized in the same manner as it was in the past or that when it comes to raises that I might be impacted. I know I was fortunate two years ago to get a raise but with all the drama at work concerning Duchess when she was not doing anything wrong I know will impact a great deal of things including how they view me. I know I have missed less days then my healthy coworkers but I get not credit for being here and getting what needs to be done accomplished. I have hit a wall in how much I can physically do and I know it will end up hurting me financially as well.

I know even with accomplishing more than anyone else who has had this job previously I still am not getting the credit I deserve. I know I am blessed I can still work and be able to afford to do some things I enjoy but at times I know my disability will cost me in ways that really can hurt. I know I still would not change my decision to get Duchess but I never really thought about the impact of having a service dog in a job that is not really that disability friendly. I know where my work is heading most disabled individuals are already quitting because they are unable to keep up with the demands of the work load increased which will only get worse. I know my workplace is not working to help these individual but rather doing not thing assist them.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Sometimes I am Just too Stubborn

I have to admit that sometimes I am too stubborn for my own good. I was doing really well last week with my overall blood sugars while on predisone and my energy levels were increasing. I felt like this week would be more of the same but I am finding the opposite. I have been pushing myself too much and I am so exhausted that I have only been able to work from 8-4:30pm most days which is fine because I am meeting my 8 hours of work for the day. Since my work does not have the same staff level I am always trying to do so much.

I know because I have had to slow down it has driven me crazy because I like to be able to keep up with it all. I know recently slowing me down for a bit was fine but I feel like it has just been too long. Regardless of how I feel about it during a flare I really need to slow down and listen to my body because this week my hands, knees ankles and hips ache incredibly even with the predisone. I was prescribed extra pills of predisone if I had increased pain which I have been having. I have been able to keep my blood sugars really normal and really don't want to take more predisone.

So at this point I am trying to find the right balance again so that I am not missing work but still able to handle most tasks without taxing my body too much. I know I need to be more patient with myself these days regardless of what I get done. I am not so far behind that I won't get caught up but need to plan out better how I tackle things such as cleaning and running errands. I know normally I will get all of it done in one day but now I am spreading it out. Hoping that the pain is less by me reviewing what I am doing.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Tough as Nails

I for some reason was thinking about the past. I remember the days when nothing seemed to get to me. I was not as scared of lows or seizures and when it happened it did not create these big waves in my life. I know I felt as tough as nails and that I could take on anything. I know I have for the most part handled stress well and was able to always find a way to get what I needed done. I know the past six or seven years that changed dramatically. I am now in a place where a bad lows or seizures are engrained in my mind for moths afterwards and it creates big waves in my life and I have no real ability to handle these situations. I never was tough as nails but feeling like I was made it easier to handle what ever life handed me. I was ready for almost anything.

I know I miss my old self because I felt like I could do more and I did not feel held back by my Diabetes. Today I know that I was never really tough as nails but I achieved so much when I was able to handle my life in that manner. I realize now that I miss the ability to handle stress and be able to adjust quickly to changes. Since my Hypoglycemia Unawareness I know that I am not as tough as I once thought but I also know it is also good that I realize that I was not really being honest with myself.

 I know I could do almost anything still but with little adjustments and that is good. I know admitting that I am not at tough as nails which I have always thought of myself as being that is really difficult for me to even admit to myself let alone anyone else. I know that I have learned a great deal about myself and my Diabetes. I know that my life has never been easy and never will be because I have Diabetes. I know I can do most things still but need to realize that my body now has boundaries I need to follow.

I think it can be incredibly difficult to accept in some ways that yes Diabetes has caused some changes that no one would want to deal with. I also know that I am strong in a great deal of ways but now with a more realistic view of my reality. It is nice to think you can take on the world but realized that just being able to keep up with most things in my life is really enough. I know we are all incredibly tough just for dealing with all the Diabetes craziness and making it look to easy. Thankfully I have realized that I don't need to be tough as nails.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Stairs Can Be Daunting

I have been doing better with my Rheumatoid Arthritis flare-up for the most part. There is days that are really daunting verses other days where everything is working like it should be. I know during a flare-up making it up a large amount of stairs becomes incredibly difficult but also exhausting as well. I know when I was 19 during my initial diagnosis there was this long stretch of stairs and I have never been so frustrated with the fact that my body was not cooperating the way I wanted it to. I know recently my mouse at work gives me issues even though it is an ergonomic mouse which is better for my RA. Moving it at times has been so frustrating I have to get up from my desk for a couple minutes then come back and try again at times. Yesterday was a really long day and my joints by the end of the week are always less cooperative.

For me it is very frustrating for me when going up stairs become difficult to maneuver when you are younger and  no matter how hard you try it is not easy. I know I have been moving slower and resting more and seeing results but some days even simple things like opening a bag can be difficult at times. I know I feel like I am about 80 because they could be having similar issues making it up stair, opening packages and overall movement. RA is manageable but I know for many who do not experience it I am sure my writing seems blown out of proportion with how much issues I have doing very simple things. The joints being attached is very hard to explain how much it affects our everyday lives.

I know recently dealing with the frustrations of my body not wanting to cooperate with what I need it to do has been increasingly frustrating. Especially since my work is incredibly frustrating and the medications I am on now causes mood issues which I have been experiencing. So I really have to try and keep things as little stress as possible will help but not always easy. I am feeling like things overall are getting better and will continue to.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Thankful for Past Sacrafices

I have been thinking a great deal about all the Type 1 diabetic parents out there. I know a great deal of the parents from reading the blogs feel guilty about so many aspects of managing their children's diabetes. I have found from my experience as the diabetic that to me all that mattered at the end of the day was that I was able to live a fairly normal life as possible, that we were trying to keep my blood sugars as best as we could and that no matter what we kept trying till we found a solution.

 My parents I am sure beat themselves up over the highs or lows. Even though we all were just doing the best we could. I know I am thankful for all the effort that was put forth for me and I eternally grateful for all the longs nights and scary events my parents experienced because of my diabetes. I know it is such a burden, time consuming disease that never gets a break even for my parents. I know that my diabetes affected not only my life but my siblings as well. I know they all seemed to take it pretty well. Even though my parents were spending more time with me but I know a big part of that is because of my diabetes.

I know even though my dad has forgotten what all those longs nights are like now or how scary a low is now for me as an adult. I know that is a big part of the reaction to my low during my visit home in over a year ago. I know my family now has forgotten a great deal of things because they are not around it all the time like they were in the past. I understand how scary it is for me but I will never know what that is like for a parent to have a child who is passed out from a low. I am thankful for all the years that my mom was around because she never forgot what it was like for me and she above all was understanding.

She never judged me for my complaining or the need to talk about the struggles of it all. I appreciate he patience over the years when things were really complicated with my blood sugars she really made it all look easy almost too easy at times. I know most people now believe my life is really easy even though I am actually barely hanging on most of the time. She gave me the support I needed and taught me a great deal.

I know I read blogs of parents who constantly feel like they are failing their kids but you are not really failing you just care so deeply it makes things even more difficult and can create unrealistic expectations. I know my parents did much the same. I know a couple years before my passed away we had a conversation about the fact that no matter how old I was she worried everyday that something could happen to me. She always told me that her children were not supposed to die before she would. Thankfully I have been safe because she has taught me a great deal about dealing with lows but also about how to navigate the changes in my condition. I know I am safe because no matter where she was she always looked out for me. I know the parents of type 1 diabetics don't hear it enough but believe me your children appreciate you even when they have trouble telling you that.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Social Media Burnout

I have been thinking a great deal over the weekend about the fact that I have pretty much disappeared from a great deal of social media in general diabetes and other social media in general. I have noticed a great deal of me not really being into it all. I think after several years of constant social media I am tired of it all. I know recently with my RA flare-up it really puts things in perspective for me in some ways as well.

 I know at times I love to be connected but other times I feel like I need the time to deal with other aspects of life. I know with me being so tired some of the Facebook  updates of my old friends seem very unimportant but at least the diabetic advocates updates have purpose. Social media is almost feels over done. I think I am definatly burnt out on social media. I love the diabetic advocates and diabetics in the doc but I know I have slowly been drawing myself away recently.

I love being involved in the diabetic community but recently I have felt like everything has been too much. Honestly having less energy and very little energy makes me also value the time I do have. So I know I would love to join in more but right now I think I just need a time out of sorts to get to a place again where I feel like sharing and joining in. These days with me barely keeping up my life in general and adding more things on that I feel I need to do feels like it is just way too much for me.

I know my blog has not been as consistent because of all the aspects of my life getting even bussier. I am trying to get myself back to where I enjoy social media like I used too. I am hoping in the next couple of weeks I can get myself to where I like to be. I have enjoyed my interaction with each of you and I hope you understand that social media can burn you out and at times I think the only cures is a break from it all.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Wonky Test Results

I know yesterday I got the test results for the recent blood work. As usual I am not testing positive for all the typical Rheumatoid Arthritis tests which has been that way since the beginning. I go through this every-time I go to a new Rheumatologist they are surprised by the lab results but I know my mom never  had all the test come back positive either. In fact a great deal of people who are diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis only test positive for some of the tests. So it is really through tests, examinations, and family history they used to diagnose the Rheumatoid Arthritis. So it can be tricky when my results don't always match up with what they expect. Normally after they review the case they see that the original diagnosis does fit. I know it can be tricky being the patient with the RA diagnosis and when it is a Dr. using what information they have to diagnose the condition. I know they always seem to think I have lupus but I don't have the typical symptoms or issues but my symptoms do match RA.

So I know my next appointment the Dr I am sure will want to run more tests which normally happens. I know they normally try to test for quite a few other autoimmune diseases such as lupus,Sj√∂gren’s syndrome, myositis and scleroderma. The bad part of lab results vary as well and can cause issues with the types of the tests the Rheumatologist are running. So this whole process is honestly drives me crazy because even if I had other medical records from my previous Rheumatologist they would still be rerunning them again from experiences. The good part is that I am currently on the drugs and I am seeing results which will also good for the Rheumatologist to see as well. 

So I am sure I not done with the test but that is okay. One major issue I have noticed with taking Methotrexate is that it is causing mood changes but one benefit it the first two nights after taking Methotrexate my blood sugars flat line around 80-90 range through the whole night with no lows which is always nice. I am not sure why the drug is doing it but it really can be so nice to sleep all night with no interuptions.