Friday, March 6, 2015

Time Change and Blood Sugars

I know I wanted to remind everyone the clocks spring forward an hour on Sunday. So is not time to change the clocks forward again on all our medical devices. I know during this time of year some of us are going to be having more lows if we are not getting the amount of sleep we are used to. I know I had a great deal of issues when the clocks went back this past November with lows even with the extra sleep. I know going to work when its dark and coming home in the dark does seem to affect us as well. I am hoping that I am able to adjust quickly to the time change because last time I delt with an increase of lows from the time change. I know during time changes the lows in particular increase during the night for me personally.

So I have planned basal rates changes for during the time change and hopefully I will be back to my regular basal rates soon after the change. I am hoping trying to be a little more prepared will help me this time but sadly with my recent unexpected increase in lows it might not help. So I am planning to try and keep my weekend as stress free as possible so that when I do start next week that I am ready for the time change but you can only do so much to prepare such events. I know I wish we did not have the time change because it really causes havoc on my blood sugars regardless of moving forward or back.

I know I feel bad mostly for poor Duchess who has been working very hard this week and probably for the next couple weeks if the time change does the same thing again. I know I figured out how to better avoid bad morning lows but this one always seems to be much harder to predict how it will affect me. I know some times it really causes issues and other times it can not change.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

UGH the Lows are Back

Some times I really do well with keeping the lows at bay but all of sudden this week I am bottoming out. I am back to using temporary basals to help keep the lows at bay but I know today I woke up low around 55. I have had three lows already for the day and it is early. I know yesterday I did not go to the gym as normal because I was having so many lows. I am even doing combo bolus options to avoid lows when eating certain types of foods. I know I am not using more insulin than I should be. I just adjusted my carbohydrate rates for the day. I know at times weather changes and other changes tend to make me more insulin sensitive at times. I know I should have worked out last night even if I only worked out for 30 minutes that might have helped but at time it is better for me to rest and then go back to my routine the next day.

So I am reviewing everything to see what is causing the crazy lows. I have been under some stress yesterday but not on Monday where I had the same issue. So at this point I am not sure where to look as to the cause. So I am increasing my snacks or eating more frequently to battle the lows. I am really hoping I can get back to normal again because I have become accustomed to having less lows and so I am a little frazzled by how many are showing up. Thankfully Duchess has been aware of the issues and has been warning me pretty early to the lows which has helped to avoid some as well. So I am trying to keep up with my increasing work load at work and trying to just keep my from getting low brain as I like to call it. I tend to get to a point where it feel like I am working in foggy weather mentally which is not ideal. I know today is better than yesterday but not quite where I want to be.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Weird Discussion

I know certain Dr. appointments make me really anxious not matter if I know things are going well. For me that is usually when I go to see my Retina Specialist. I know my eyes have been thankfully really have been cooperating and seem to be getting better. I still have 20/20 vision except at night where I am not blind as a bat. I used to see okay at night but all the laser procedures really have affected my night vision. Thankfully I have glasses at night and I can get around if I need to at night.

I know I was discussing my Retinopathy with some friends on the bus ride home last night. Some how injections in eyes came up randomly and I mention that I have had injections in my eyes. One person says it is like you are living in a horror film of sorts. I was giggling but in all seriousness sometimes complications you end up facing some very scary things such as injections in eye or certain procedures that are not pleasant. I know during these moments I just take it as it comes because sadly most of the procedures no matter how painful really did work. So as unpleasant as my experience was with Retinopathy I know that in the grand scheme of things I have had injections that hurt much worse or an infusion set that was ripped out. So I think keeping a good perspective has really kept my sanity during those scary moments.

My friends and I discussed more about Retinopathy and some of the procedures they have and treatments they use. Overall most of them are not too bad but honestly the worst for me has been when they check pressure in your eyes. They device that reads the pressure is when your eye is open and it is right in front of the eye. I hate anything being near to my eye. So that is pure torture compared to the rest. Keep in mind most of the time I have been able to handle the whole Retinopathy pretty well and keeping my Alc down I know has played a part in my Retinopathy being stable for the past couple of years. I know at the end of the day I am proud of myself for a taking a real active part in research my condition and two for facing things that were overwhelming at times.
I know all of us Diabetics are awesome and deal with painful things such as infusion sites, injections, finger sticks and skin issues. We all make it look so easy.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Waiting to Test

I know I try my best once Duchess alerts to test right away. This morning for example is I was on the bus on the way to work I catch a second bus once downtown. The bus was pulling up to the corner just as Duchess alerts. I gave her a treat and then once I got onto the second bus I finally tested. I know recently it seems her alerts are right when I am transition to my next bus and when I have to run to catch the second bus. I know none of things can be controlled and sometimes when she alerts I have some time before I need to treat or I need to watch carefully over the next hour or so. I know that most of the time my blood sugar is heading down. I have made adjustments to reduce lows at that time and most of the time I am in normal range. The difficult part is making sure Duchess understands that I am responding as quickly as possible and that I am not ignoring her alerts.

Duchess is incredibly sensitive if she thinks you are ignoring her she can decide to delay alerts or not alert at all technically so I know I must be careful how I respond especially in situations like this morning. She seemed okay with me rewarding her and then checking. Keep in mind it was less than 6 minutes but I also know if it was really low that could be bad for me as well. I was with a person that works in my building so I know I was going to make it to work just fine. Sometimes I find it can be difficult when you are waiting to catch a bus because that seems to Duchess like the best time to alert to a low. If I know there is enough time I will test otherwise I end up waiting. I do work with Duchess regularly but I know from experience waiting too long will end up with consequences for me to deal with so I am hoping that I can keep her feeling like I am responding when I am just trying to get to a place where I can test and where I have enough time.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Looking At All the Pieces

I know recently I have decided to spend more time evaluating how I deal with stress, foods, and other items that tend to affect my blood sugar. I am going to keep a log for the day where I recap what happened that day such as cold weather, stressful situations at work like computer issues etc. So I can see what I might be missing or if there is a pattern to better help me avoid bad lows or highs. I do not have a great deal of highs on my Dexcom most of the time but I know when I do I like to figure out why. I know for example I get a large spike in blood sugar with cereal and then a very dramatic fast moving drop when I eat cereal even when I use a combo bolus I tend to still drop dramatically. The interesting part is that if I have granola I don't have the same issue.  I am also using my Dexcom graphs pictures and add them for the day to review the events for the day. I am going to try to do this at least a week or two a month.

I know I do review my data but I think this might help me to make even better changes in not only what I eat but also a more effective basal rate changes as well. I know with all my low every time I am am able to reduce the lows I feel so much better and it also makes for a much better day all around. So I am hoping to continually reduce lows and highs but also keep myself away from the bad lows I have seen in the past if at all possible. I know most Diabetics do not always use all the data they have access to. I know I have been guilty in the past as well. I do not plan on logging every number I have but to look at graphs at the trouble spots and see what options I could try next time and maybe which foods I should generally try to avoid or eat less often. I know so far looking at what I am eating has helped me tremendously and hoping that looking at all aspects will help as well.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Eating Disorders

With it being National Eating Disorder Week I had to blog about my own person struggle with eating disorders. I know I wake up each and everyday trying to keep myself in line. I know it does not take me much to get back into the mindset of if I eat less I will lose more weight and if I exercise twice a day seven days a week I can have the body I want. I know none of these to be true but I have fallen back into my disorder twice over the past several years. I know when you look at me you can't see that I ever had an eating disorder because I do currently have some cushion. I know when I started going to the gym a year ago I knew it had risks for me with having exercise anorexia where I tend to eat very little and exercise constantly. I know at my lowest point I weighed 108 lbs but with being 5'10 that is way too skinny. I know you could see my bones and I had lost most of the fullness in my face and neck. I know when I could see the bones it never registered to me that there was a problem but I know my mother noticed.

I know I was asked when I was getting help to draw how I saw myself and the interesting thing is that the person I saw was a great deal bigger than I ever was. I know now how far I was from the truth. I also know the my obsessive personality could easily fall back into that pattern. I watched my mother criticism herself harshly and I know I do much the same. She also suffered from eating disorders when I was young and continued to fight with herself the rest of her life. I know I really have struggled to love myself when I have viewed my body very harshly. I am still learning now how to love myself not matter what my weight is. I am working constantly not to fall back into the pattern of getting sucked into the perception I need to be a size zero to be loved. I know I get my head in a pattern of if I exercise a little longer my legs will look better my stomach will be flatter I will feel better if I just push myself. This thought pattern leads me back to my obsession with exercise. The funny thing is that I don't normally enjoy it but if I see benefits to it I get back into the pattern.

I know I will wake up everyday for the rest of my life trying to avoid falling back into my eating disorder. The funny thing is that my carbohydrate counting also played a big part of my eating disorder as well. I would count how little of carbohydrates I would need to get through my workouts and just make it through the day. I know it seemed innocent at the time but I learned how to use my food to get what I wanted and that created this obsession with how if I exercise and eat as little as possible I would lose weight quickly and sure enough I did but I also saw the consequences as well. I know my stress fractures I experienced at 28 were related to my eating disorder and I did end up spending six months in air cast boots on both ankles. I know normally when I would go running I did not come back with injuries but that time my ankles paid the price.

Thankfully today I have found that not knowing what I way when I go to the Dr. have helped me to avoid getting focused on a number and more focused on being healthy. I know it seems silly but I get stuck on things such as a number. So I know my Dr. knows about my past and she tells me if I need to lose weight or gain weight. That ways it takes it out of my hands and become about being at the healthiest weight. So I am happy to report I don't know my weight but I do know when I have gained weight so I know when I need to up my workout and when I just need to do my normal routine. I know I will never be completely free of my obsession but at least I have found ways of coping.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

What If ?

I know some days I wake up and feel just overwhelmed by it all. I know sometimes it is not even diabetes related and other times it is. I know this feeling is caused by recent incidents that left me feeling a little lost. I know I honestly feel like a grenade waiting to go off most of the time. I know dating is complicated and I have found most of the time when you throw in a service dog and bad lows it will make most men run for cover. I am aware that some times it is for the best that it does not work out but other times is is really depressing that I know most of the guys I date will leave after one bad low or incident which does not help. When I meet new people and worry about what will happen and how it will affect me emotionally. I know most people see me as very stoic and not realize I am incredibly sensitive. I know I can handle a great deal of things but I have never been very good at handling hurtful things.

I also have felt that my Diabetes because it has also caused chaos in my life that one day it would really cost me in some way. I know it has in my dating life, my career and with my friends. I know it takes it toll on not just me but all the people in my life currently. I know I feel very over whelmed by all of the feeling like my Diabetes is causing me issues in so many parts of my life. I know as I try to reconcile my head around the fact that my life is nothing like I ever wanted it to be. I always had a picture of where I might be at this point in my life and I am no where near where I hoped I would be. I am okay with that but the hardest part is knowing that my Diabetes is no where close to where I wanted to be either. I know my life has been really challenging and will always be unless they have major changes in out technology. It has become really hard to stop the what if I had done this instead of this which constantly runs through my mind. I know it is bad to over think things but I know I do this. I guess I will have to live with yes this my life but I guess I can also continue to try new things to improve my life.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Computer Issues and Blood Sugars

I know yesterday I was going to post a blog as usual but I ran into some major issues. These issues were sadly messing with my blood sugar. I came in as normal and it was a normal morning until I started noticing issues with my email. I have my main inbox and 9 other inbox's I can email from. I have way too many but it seems to work okay. So I noticed that my main box was not sending them emails. So I used my sub email boxes then they stopped sending as well. So I decided I needed to log out then log back in and still same issue. So I next tried restarting my computer several times still same issue. I finally called IT they came but with bad news. During the recent power outage at work had corrupted my profiles for my inboxes. So they had to send my email archived to a new folder which would take over night to get moved then they had to add back on the 9 other inbox's back on. So yesterday my bloods sugars decided to go low around 60 over a several hour period of time and then soared up quickly and stayed there for several hours then crashed out last night.

I know during these time Duchess really saves me a lot of trouble she alerted to all the lows and kept me checking my blood sugars then she warned me really early around 125 that my blood sugar was moving up quickly and my Dexcom had not even caught on yet that it was moving up quickly Then she kept me safe as my blood sugar was dropping quickly as I got home and just got off the bus. I know days like these where stress can cause a combination of things I am beyond thankful to have her here with me. I know the longer I have her the more I also feel I need her around just to give me peace of mind. She really helped me deal with the frustration of dealing with the moving up and down yesterday. Sadly I woke up and I dealt with another bad low of 35 when I first got to work but at least the good part is that I am leaving at 2:45pm from work today. So I just have to hang in there and hope that my blood sugars will settle down soon. I know when I get stressed it seems that the drops are even more drastic and the funny part is that I did not realize how all the computer issues were affecting me personally until I looked at my Dexcom graphs last night.