Friday, May 1, 2015

Stress In Every Area

I know most days recently I have been so thankful to see my numbers getting closer to where it used to be since my procedure I had back in January which I am thankful I went through with. I know I am seeing my blood sugars to have less spikes and less quick rises in general and I can go hours now staying fairly level which is a relief. I know it used to be easier before all this started several years ago. I know if I can get back to where I was things were much easier in general and I did not have to do as much basal changes which is really nice. I know I was really happy to know that my Dr. said my numbers were great and that there was no changes necessary yesterday.

I know this past week I have experienced several really intense conversations and other issues have arisen that have caused me issue with sleep and other blood sugar issues. I know yesterday I was frustrated dealing with some issues I have been working on for the past month and I am still working on getting things sorted out. It has been difficult with being told the wrong information then having to redo paper work again. So it has been a tough week emotionally and physically as well. I have been extending my work outs and also been eating less carbohydrates when possible. I am trying to lose some weight not too much though. I have noticed the more I care about an issue the more it tends to wreck my blood sugars. Last night for example I had a low of 54 and I over treated it but did bolus for what I did over eat. Then my Dexcom kept trying to make my blood sugar high when it was actually 130 it kept saying I was 180. I know both dexcom recievers were going off and it drove me crazy last night.

I know when I am dealing with difficult issues in every part of my life it can be very overwhelming to also throw my Diabetes into the mix as well. I know I have learned that I need to some times be more careful during these times to not just give in and over treat my lows or over bolus because I don't want to deal with a high because the rest of my life is stressful. At times I handle these situations better but the stress was in every area of my life this week. I know thankfully Duchess has been super at alerting to my changing blood sugars and has really helped me keep my blood sugars in range as much as possible. I know these time I am so thankful to have her with me. I know it seems strange but on a stressful day I can pet her and play with her and everything seems so much more manageable.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Great Endocrinologist Appointment

I went for my regular 3 month Endocrinologist check up today. I was not sure how the would react to my decision to want to pursue doing the Accelerate Free Falling which is basically solo sky diving. I know I was surprised but my Physicians assistant had sky diving several years back. So she said she under stood why I wanted to pursue it. She said I was a responsible adult who takes the time to do all the necessary preplanning to keep myself safe and said have fun. I am so happy she understands that I am an adrenaline junkie who just found my next adventure. I have always wanted my Diabetes to never stop but in the past couple of years at times it has. I am no longer allowing it to slow me down or stop me. I know I am so excited that I will continue on my adventures with Sky diving. For the first time in several years I have not been this happy.

I think that is why I had the bucket list I created years ago really made me happy. I love to experience new things and I do plan on do more with my best friend this summer. I knew I needed to do more for myself these days. I tend to do more for others and forget I need to do things I love as well. So I am making it a point since I work so hard with my Diabetes I should be able to enjoy my life the way that means the most to me. I know I have learned so much over the past couple of year and I work really hard and I am going to enjoy my life as much as possible and continue to push myself to continue to try new adventures.

I was so happy all my levels include A1c were where they were supposed to be and no vitamin deficiencies as well. It looks like all my other aspects looks great and my Dr. even commented about how much weight I have lost by exercise. I know I am so happy all my work is really paying off. I am hoping my next appointment in July is the same as this one. I know it feels so wonderful when you can see all your hard work paying off.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Sleep Issues Equals Challenges

I know normally on the days I exercise I tend to fall asleep very quickly and I am out. I know I have a phone call in the evening where I was discussing things with a person and then they say something that was unexpected and then all of sudden had to get off the phone. The message was not terrible or anything but being it was later in the evening it kept me up last night when I should have been sleeping. I know since I did not sleep as well last night that my blood sugars would be tough to deal with so far today. I know that when I don't sleep also means more lows I might battle today. So far I have been trying to keep the lows at bay but I seem to not be wining.

I also tend to have my blood sugars move up quickly when I do not sleep well. So it is amazing how much a simple thing such as sleep can really not only affect your mood but also your blood sugars. I know that it does have its effects but I also know that you can't prevent everything. So I know I just have to hang in there. I know I had issues with my blood sugars dropping very quickly yesterday during my work out so I know today I will need to especially be careful to try and have my blood sugar at high enough rate before I start my work out tonight.

I know the past couple of days have been rough at work with people being out sick and I am the only person in covering numerous items on my own. So I guess I will have to hang in there until tomorrow when hopefully things will be back tomorrow. I know I have my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow which thankfully I am not at all nervous about it so I know I should sleep well. 

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Emergency Training for Co-workers

I did an emergency training at work yesterday and  a refresher for some people. Most of the people who attended were new to the department. I always feel weird discussing my condition but I am glad I do it is for my own safety. I even used expired glucagon kits so they would know what to do during an emergency. I know some people learn by doing so that worked well. I only had three kits sadly and I could of used more but everyone was able to at least learn what to do. I find the more information they have the better they will be able to assist me in case of an emergency.

I know no matter how many of these I teach I will always feel slightly embarrassed I have to teach it in the first place I also fee very vulnerable when I do teach it because I reveal so much about how I behave when I am low and some of my responses. I know I always feel weird that I resemble that of a two year old in a great deal of ways when I am low.  I do try my best to not get carried away with things when I am low but that can be difficult. I know I have found that even with time I still find emergency situations to be really hard to handle emotionally and I find not matter how prepared people are that they will be affected by what did happen.

I know I am hoping that my new coworkers appreciate my willingness to educate and train but I have a feeling they just don't understand what it can be like to wake up to EMS. I know it has helped me in the past but sometimes honestly being a Diabetic in general really can be complicated. I know this time my Department is approaching the Police Chief for my University to address the past issue I have had. Most of the time the University Police tend to amp up the situations by being present. They create issues such as Duchess being transported with me to hospital etc. I know I don't want to be separated from her and that they should be transporting us together. She is very essential to me and my care. So having the University Police let me make those decisions instead of them trying to interfere. Most of the time EMS has been prepared to transport us but they always try to stop them.

Monday, April 27, 2015

When you Need to Speak Up

I went to a campus disability meeting where I work. Normally they have two meetings a year. I normally do not attend these meeting but recently their has been changes to the buildings that have been affecting me personally. During these meeting you can discuss obstacles such as building issues, parking, issues with getting access to items you need to do your job etc. I know they used to have these doors that I enter that would open automatically but due to other issues they removed them. They put these new doors on but the issue I have had issue with is the fact that Duchess can't push the button to open the doors. The button is so stiff she even after several tries can't get the button to work. I know some morning my hands are so stiff that pushing the button is painful. I know I have to jam my hand into the button to get it to work and the building next door same issue. I know that the disabled woman with a service dog who works for the disability office had the same issues. I am really glad I spoke up because they have determined that others must be having similar issues so they will make modifications to the doors so Duchess can be able to push the button without problems.

I know I don't have Duchess do it every day but I know since my last flare-up I have been having more issues with my hands. I know some fine movements are not what they used to be so I am trying to make things as simple as possible and getting a door fixed seems like the way to go. I know the other disabled woman's service dog could not open the doors at either location either and this dog is a good 18 pounds heavier than Duchess. I also discussed that I felt the University did not offer enough information for departments who have service dogs teams in their departments.

I know the disabled woman said she had quite a bit of information about service dogs and information that could have been helpful. I mentioned that I felt like my Managers are always so busy it would be inconvenient for them to have to meet with her to get that information. I recommended that they put information online for departments because of all of the issues I have experienced. I actually discussed how they had to build me a door on my cubicle because of complaints that Duchess's dog bones did not look professional. The man who actually created the door was present at the meeting and his boss. I know they said from their perspective normally they don't have to build walls or other things. I know my issues have been mainly because I feel people did not understand that I don't get special treatment. I actually do my job and all required of me like any other employee.  The good part is now the University will be adding a section of information for departments and others about service dogs in the workplace.

I know this meeting had two of us disabled participants and the rest was staff involved with the disabilities office. I know people did attend the previous meeting so there was just us two and we both have had issues with different aspects. I know I found it very difficult to speak up and say that I was having issues but I am really glad I did. I am hoping these improvements will help others at the University and that it may also help other service dog teams. I know when there is only I think around 4 service dog teams that our staff and the remaining our students it leaves us with such a small number of people. I know speaking up made me feel like I was whining when I was actually having real issues.

Friday, April 24, 2015

When People Tempt

I know last night I was in a really focused place and my plan was to get in and out of the gym as quickly as possible. I knew I had phone calls and other things to get done. So I went as normal and I started my workout and Duchess was right beside my machine. The machines are very close together and so it is difficult to find a place for Duchess most of the time. I had a woman come sit next to me. She started to work out too. I then noticed she was waving at Duchess. The lady then convinced Duchess to come to her. So Duchess was sitting there letting the lady pet her and I am trying from my machine to get her to come back to where she was sitting previously.

Duchess was enjoying the attention so she ignored me. I had to stop working out get Duchess back to sitting next to me. I talked with Duchess for a moment to get her focused back on me. I worry the most about lows when I am working out and the past three weeks have been rough time for me with lows while working out. So I feel the most vulnerable when I am working out. I then started back to focusing on working out again. Then the girl starts up again. This time I stop and tell her to leave my service dog alone she is her for my medical needs and she needs to focus on me. The girl then stops waving at Duchess but continues to make eye contact continually with Duchess. I noticed this seemed to make Duchess distracted. I would have moved but I did not see an open machine that was the same type.

So I decided to stay where I was at. I had another 25 minutes more I needed to work out on this machine then I would be moving onto another machine. So I was just trying to get my workout done so I could concentrate on other things. I was really upset to stop and go three or four times it does not make for a good workout . I know at times people really make things more difficult. I know Duchess ideally should have not been tempted to go to the woman either but I also know this woman was bound and determined to get Duchess to come to her. I really wish people would realize I don't have her there for companionship but because I have a medical issue. I know life presents all these challenges for us as service dog team sadly we didn't do as well we normally would.

Duchess on the Bus Yesterday

Thursday, April 23, 2015

My Thoughts on Yesterday

I know I wished yesterday I had more time to participate in#IwishPeopleKnewThatDiabetes day. I ready so many wonderful comments and frustrations. I know yesterday when I dumped a whole bunch of my frustrations into my blog I felt like I had a vacation day of sorts. I know I have to give Kelly Kunik a great deal of credit for such a wonderful Idea. This day was beyond wonderful in that so many could share the good and the bad of Diabetes. I know I work so hard everyday and so does everyone else it was wonderful to read so many tweets and blogs of people who really understand where I am coming from. It was such a wonderful reminder of why the DOC is incredibly wonderful place for so many.

I know I cried yesterday from all the wonderful posts and messages I know it really made feel to be part of such a incredible group of people. I know we all don't always agree or do things the same ways but at the end of the day we all share one disease Diabetes. I know many years ago I would have never experienced a day like yesterday or even connected with other Diabetics the way I do today. I know my blog has given me the ability to put some of the frustrations, fear and hopes in a place where I don't have to carry them around with me. I know with all these tweets I am sure we educated others as well. I know when we are all united as a community we can all accomplish so much. I know I think we should do this at least yearly. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

What I Wish People Knew

I know some things I experience as a Diabetic most people would not understand because they have never experienced it. I know there is so many things I wish my own family understood because they don't see my Diabetes daily like when I was a child. So it can be difficult. The interesting thing is that my best friend really see's all my struggles and seems to get it. I appreciate all the people in the DOC because having people who understand is beyond wonderful.

What I Wish People Knew-

  • Even though I have struggles I don't need sympathy but just understanding.
  • Dealing with lows at night will always be an issue for me since my Hypoglycemia Unawareness diagnosis. I do try to avoid the lows but I at least now not quite as many
  • Not feeling lows in by far the scariest thing I have ever dealt with.
  •  Dealing with complications and the judgement that comes with it is indescribably difficult. I will never be able to overcome the judgements or assumptions but at least I can educate. 
  • I am not a punching bag for people because I have complications and you feel entitled to share you opinions.
  • In order to do activities I love I need to preplan everything in order to stay safe
  • Exercise and Hypoglycemia Unawareness I will struggle continually with lows but trying new things can help to avoid as many.
  • Diabetes is never easy and assuming it is makes me feel angry.
  • Having people understand that after a low is treated normally I am back to normal even after a seizure or bad low. 
  • Having a disability I feel I have ten times as much to prove in most areas of my life.
  • Even though I have overcome so much I really wish people would understand that I can do things that our challenging regardless off not feeling lows.
  • No matter what has happened I get up each and everyday and keep on going regardless if I am scared or tired.
  • Having a disability does not mean I do less work. 
  • I wish my family knew how hard I work to keep myself safe.
  • I am always way to critical of myself.
  • I wish people understood my frustrations when I go low several times in one day and how draining it can be.
  • I know my own family will never truly understand what it is like to be a Diabetic.
  • Judgements by Physicians is never appreciated especially when you know nothing about me.
  • We all need support and not judgement.
  • I wish Dr.'s would not make assumptions such as all Diabetic patients with Retinopathy have high blood pressure and high cholesterol when I have neither issue.
  • Being asked by Dr. how are things are going besides your Diabetes is appreciated. 
  • Hearing I know you have been working so hard to keep your diabetes well managed is priceless.
  • That no matter what is going on getting up and keep going helps me to keep my sanity.
  • Waking up to EMS is overwhelming and extremely embarrassing.
  • Having incidents at work, home and other locations can create an emotional overload.
  • Learning new things about my Diabetes frequently even after 34 years.
  • I am always working on keeping the lows to a minimum.

Diabetic Service Dogs:

  • I can still do most things but with some adjustments in how I do them
  • I have to think constantly about the safety of my Diabetic alert dog Duchess
  • I have to worry about staying within the standard service dog protocol and still keep up with my Diabetes can be stressful.
  • Having a service dog is incredibly stressful and a great deal of work
  • Public access challenges are never easy and you are expected to represent a whole community of people with disabilities so being polite as possible is a must.
  • I do not get much personal space having a service dog. She is always by my side. 
  • Service dogs have off days just like us.
  • Following the patches on my dogs service dog vest is always appreciated
  • Petting without asking makes me angry.
  • Talking to Duchess and ignoring me is not polite.
  • Giving me space is appreciated
  • If I say do not pet I really mean do not pet.
  • Distracting my service dog can lead to her not working.
  • Asking questions about my disability can be too personal.
  • Assuming having a service dog is fun but it is actually not fun but stressful at times.
  • Keeping your bond with you service dog takes work.
  • Keeping a balanced life with your service dog is a must.
  • Having a service dog will mean more work.