Thursday, August 20, 2015

Retina Specialist and Big Set Back

 I knew going into my Retina Specialist appointment it had been two years since my eyes have had any laser procedures or injections. I know I have been fortunate the past two years to have some time where I was not worrying too much about my Retinopathy it was just one appointment every six months. Well sadly there was some bleeding in my eyes again but this time on the left eye the interesting part it that my Dr. could not identify the cause of the bleeds. I know I had several bad lows in June. I know the injury when I feel in the tub I am sure caused the bleed. I had swelling that took weeks to go away. Then I had no new blood vessel growth but just some spots that will need to lasered again in my right eye.  I know when the Dr. said this I just wanted to cry. I know once you have Retinopathy you can only do so much. My A1c has been excellent, my blood pressure normal and cholesterol was also good. So I am doing everything on my part.

I know these moments really make me feel extremely angry and bitter. I know I work so hard to keep things where they need to be. I know my Retinopathy is not bad and some of this laser procedure is to prevent further bleeds but I feel like a failure to an extent even though I am not. I still have 20/20 vision during the day at night I am blind as a bat. I know even though I had some changes I really am doing incredibly well but it can be so easy to just blame myself. I know I need to give myself some credit because my eyes are in a good place but after two years need some maintenance of sorts. I am doing my best to keep my thoughts in a positive place. I know If I do I will be so much happier when I go back and everything is good again.

I know that in the long run all the hard work has paid off and will continue too but having set backs along the way will happen for sure. So I know I just need to keep going even though the frustration will only be until I am done with the laser procedure on Monday. I know what I am feeling is only for a short period of time and that doing this follow up will help keep the bleeds away.

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