Monday, May 18, 2015

When Things Take A Turn For the Worse

I know during blog week last week. I noticed some things that are leaving me uneasy. I know I have been working out regularly at the gym now for a year. I have been doing great keeping my eating disorder in check or at least I thought so. I know when my eating disorder starts up I know I start to think about how I should be working out today. I should not have a cheat day and I should avoid all my favorites because those extra pounds will really difficult to work off. I know I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past two months. I know I was trying to lose some weight for sky diving but I am taking it to a whole new level. I know I have lost weight but I have not idea how much I weight because that is one of the biggest triggers is knowing my weight. So when I get weighed at appointments I look away so I don't know. I know I get so obsessed with numbers at times it is really best for me to not know. I can tell if I am gaining weight by my clothes.

So now I am trying my best to fight off the thoughts in my head about I should be working out 7 days a week and for several hours a day. It is incredibly easy for me to fall back into my pattern of thinking and then into action. I know for example this weekend I was thinking about how I didn't need to have my cheat day and how much more I would lose if I skipped it this week. I know I am not to where I stop eating as much but I will head there if I can't get things under control quickly. I have went several years with no real issues but I am back into dangerous territory.

I know I might need to get help this time If I am unable to get my thought process back to normal. I know when I stated to lose a little weight I was not planning to lose the amount I have so far. I do feel fine in some ways right now but I know I need to watch my though process and my exercise. Normally I start to exercise excessively and then I start to eat less and less each day. In fact most of the time I eat only enough to make it through working out and not much more. I might need help if I continue forward in this direction. I know it wont hurt to get help but I know I want to teach myself how to get myself back on track so I can keep myself healthy.

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