Tuesday, February 24, 2015

What If ?

I know some days I wake up and feel just overwhelmed by it all. I know sometimes it is not even diabetes related and other times it is. I know this feeling is caused by recent incidents that left me feeling a little lost. I know I honestly feel like a grenade waiting to go off most of the time. I know dating is complicated and I have found most of the time when you throw in a service dog and bad lows it will make most men run for cover. I am aware that some times it is for the best that it does not work out but other times is is really depressing that I know most of the guys I date will leave after one bad low or incident which does not help. When I meet new people and worry about what will happen and how it will affect me emotionally. I know most people see me as very stoic and not realize I am incredibly sensitive. I know I can handle a great deal of things but I have never been very good at handling hurtful things.

I also have felt that my Diabetes because it has also caused chaos in my life that one day it would really cost me in some way. I know it has in my dating life, my career and with my friends. I know it takes it toll on not just me but all the people in my life currently. I know I feel very over whelmed by all of the feeling like my Diabetes is causing me issues in so many parts of my life. I know as I try to reconcile my head around the fact that my life is nothing like I ever wanted it to be. I always had a picture of where I might be at this point in my life and I am no where near where I hoped I would be. I am okay with that but the hardest part is knowing that my Diabetes is no where close to where I wanted to be either. I know my life has been really challenging and will always be unless they have major changes in out technology. It has become really hard to stop the what if I had done this instead of this which constantly runs through my mind. I know it is bad to over think things but I know I do this. I guess I will have to live with yes this my life but I guess I can also continue to try new things to improve my life.


  1. I know it's hard to believe sometimes but you are exactly where you should be at this moment! Any time I feel this way I try to remind myself - things have a way of working out and can change very quickly Chin up girl - we love you and so does Duchess :)

    1. I know it can be easier than other times to just accept it and move on. I know i have a habit of trying to change to many things as once and then get frustrated when things don't work out.