Monday, October 20, 2014

The Aftermath

I know my seizure on Thursday afternoon drew attention as normal. This time when I was at work on Friday I had people surrounded me at my desk all morning and afternoon coming by to check on me. I know they care but for me this is very difficult. I hate one thing in particular and that is all the attention that my lows create for me. I know my whole life I have wanted to avoid attention from lows. I feel like it is a bad attention in my mind. I find all the attention almost over whelming and takes me back to the day of the seizure. I am not ashamed I had a low but I prefer attention for more positive things such as good work or doing a great job on a project. I know I spent most of my life trying to avoid any attention related to my Diabetes when possible. I know all I have ever wanted is to feel as normal as possible. I know these days that will not really be possible especially since I have Duchess.

My Diabetes these days will always garner some attention regardless if I like it or not. So I am adjusting as well as I can to this fact over the past 4 years. I know I am okay with people knowing I have Diabetes and asking questions, but when it involves lows or seizures that is where I am most uncomfortable. I know I am working on trying to get used to the fact that yes their will always be a chance I can have a seizure and I can't prevent them all. I do work hard and do everything I can. I know with having Hypoglycemia Unawareness that I will be more prone to lows and I know that could mean more moment of scary. I guess I may never be completely okay with the seizures and bad lows but I also know I should not be comfortable with either. It can be so taxing to deal with the after math of bad lows. I don't feel angry or upset just completely dazed.

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