Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Interesting Conversation With New Dr.

I went to a Dr.appointment yesterday with a new Physician. She was reviewing my medical history and asked me if I was going to be having children. I told her no but she insists that I can have a health child even with the complications I currently have. I am not sure that I buy that completely. I have thought long and hard about my decision to not have children. My top two reason to not have children is because of my seizures and very bad lows. The second reason is because I already have complications. I know most people believe me to be selfish because I choose not to have children but I also know that anything happens to me. I am not sure what would happen to my child and I would not want to burden anyone else. I know losing my mom at 52 years old devastated me and I still miss her everyday. I would not want my child burned with that kind of loss. I know this decision is very personal for each woman and I also know having a service dog complicated my life dramatically as well.

I always wanted to be a mother and a huge part of me still does but I know I must be realistic in my expectations. Things in my life have not followed the path I thought it would. I need to adjust my expectations with these changes as well. I have been blessed to have Duchess but adding a little one in addition to a service dog would be so much work. Keeping up training and having a baby would be extremely difficult and takes so much time. I am not sure how I would balance it all. I think in an ideal world a baby would be a very welcome addition but my life is far from this point. I am glad I am very realistic and that I am able to evaluate my condition appropriately. The decision is not easy but I am comfortable with my decision at the end of the day but I really wish others could understand my reasons.

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