Thursday, October 17, 2013

Facing the Reality of The Situation

Before Appointment

I am still not sure why I do this to myself every time my Endocrinologist appointments comes up. No matter how prepared I am I never feel prepared enough. I know my previous bad Endocrinologist appointments where I was called a bad diabetic plays so readily in my mind. Even though I have had almost six great years of A1c's I spent so much time wishing for. I still can't free myself from the night of dreams about blood sugar spikes and bad lows I will have to discuss.

I know I always fear my A1c results because of all the times I feel I failed when I really didn't fail but just had more work to do. I should be fairly relaxed because I know my current Endocrinologist always listens to me and tries to work with me on improving. I know moving beyond bad experiences is never as easy at it seems. I am working on it but it takes time. I am just full of nerves as I wait for my appointment. It always drives me crazy all the worry and the stressing and most of the time everything turns out to be just fine.

I know this appointment I know will be a little more difficult than the past few in some ways because some of the things I normally do are no longer working. I know my Dr. can help but I am very stubborn and hate to ask for help. So I have to admit this time I am completely overwhelmed and have to wave my white flag for help. I feel better because I know I will be addressing the issue  but I feel very defeated in general these days.

After Appointment

Well I went to my appointment and I did mention some of the issues I was having my A1c is not at it's all time lowest which is not really where I wanted my A1c. I know all those terrible lows in the past couple of months have played a part in where I am currently at. I know my A1c is not really reflecting where I am at. My Endocrinologist made some changes to my basal as I knew they would. I normally feel more peppy and like myself but these days I rarely go out or do anything that I love. I am attempting to sleep a great deal more than usual. It took me a while to figure out that I was depressed and I needed to do something about it. Normally I do certain things and it seems to get me back on track without needing medication.

Sadly this time I knew that was not working. I have dealt with depression on and off for years but I also know that I am more moody recently and seem unable to deal with most things. If I had time off from work I honestly do not know what I would except for sleep. None of these things are really me. I am sorry if my depression has crept up in my blog. It really took me a while to figure it out and finally a friend said something to me. No matter how many times my depression becomes an issue I always just consider it part of being a diabetic. I honestly feel like this is very difficult for me to blog about and I want to dance around the subject but sometimes you just have to talk about it.


  1. I've been right where you are. There's nothing wrong with needing/asking for help. I say that knowing it is easier said than done. It's taken me most of my diabetic life to figure that out. Also that sometimes I just get depressed. (For me) that's when I need help the most. You're not alone.

    1. Thanks Amber. I am always trying to avoid being on medication but I knew once I got to the point I am I needed to do something, Took me years to figure out I was depressed at 18 and I have only needed assistance with depression a couple of times. I try to avoid it but always seems to creep up.