Thursday, November 13, 2014

A Little Uneasy

There is a great deal of the time I feel incredibly frustrated dealing with my own family. I know because of the distance between my family and me they tend to not always be aware of the moments of scary that I have from time to time. I know my Dad last time I was home got all pissed off because I had a bad low when I was at his house but yet had no gluten free items either. So I know this time I am sending a box of gluten free items in advance to his house so I have the items I am used to for this reason. Last time I stayed at my grandmas house and she was really helpful in that she bought plenty of gluten free items I could eat. Grandma always has ice cream and other things I could eat on hand. So this time staying with my father has me worried because he fights me on the fact I have Celiac disease. He thinks its a lifestyle choice but it's not. My whole family back home thinks the lows are my fault even though I am doing the best I can.

This combination of factors really makes me nervous about going home for the holidays. I know when people are not around to see the low and the moments of scary they tend to forget. I know they were all there as I was growing up but they seemed to have forgotten what it was like. I know with them forgetting no matter what I am doing I will be blamed that is a great deal of pressure for me to make sure I don't have a bad low but I am not sure I can prevent them all. I know after my recent seizure I am likely to have another possibly so I need to be as on top of things as possible. I know my experience last time has left me feeling overwhelmed. I know my family does not want to talk about complications or other issues. I do not let them know about bad issues when they happen because I feel like they just lead to harsh judgements. I do talk with my sister about some of my bad lows or seizures but not all of them. So I feel a little vulnerable when I visit home.

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