Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Thankful for Past Sacrafices

I have been thinking a great deal about all the Type 1 diabetic parents out there. I know a great deal of the parents from reading the blogs feel guilty about so many aspects of managing their children's diabetes. I have found from my experience as the diabetic that to me all that mattered at the end of the day was that I was able to live a fairly normal life as possible, that we were trying to keep my blood sugars as best as we could and that no matter what we kept trying till we found a solution.

 My parents I am sure beat themselves up over the highs or lows. Even though we all were just doing the best we could. I know I am thankful for all the effort that was put forth for me and I eternally grateful for all the longs nights and scary events my parents experienced because of my diabetes. I know it is such a burden, time consuming disease that never gets a break even for my parents. I know that my diabetes affected not only my life but my siblings as well. I know they all seemed to take it pretty well. Even though my parents were spending more time with me but I know a big part of that is because of my diabetes.

I know even though my dad has forgotten what all those longs nights are like now or how scary a low is now for me as an adult. I know that is a big part of the reaction to my low during my visit home in over a year ago. I know my family now has forgotten a great deal of things because they are not around it all the time like they were in the past. I understand how scary it is for me but I will never know what that is like for a parent to have a child who is passed out from a low. I am thankful for all the years that my mom was around because she never forgot what it was like for me and she above all was understanding.

She never judged me for my complaining or the need to talk about the struggles of it all. I appreciate he patience over the years when things were really complicated with my blood sugars she really made it all look easy almost too easy at times. I know most people now believe my life is really easy even though I am actually barely hanging on most of the time. She gave me the support I needed and taught me a great deal.

I know I read blogs of parents who constantly feel like they are failing their kids but you are not really failing you just care so deeply it makes things even more difficult and can create unrealistic expectations. I know my parents did much the same. I know a couple years before my passed away we had a conversation about the fact that no matter how old I was she worried everyday that something could happen to me. She always told me that her children were not supposed to die before she would. Thankfully I have been safe because she has taught me a great deal about dealing with lows but also about how to navigate the changes in my condition. I know I am safe because no matter where she was she always looked out for me. I know the parents of type 1 diabetics don't hear it enough but believe me your children appreciate you even when they have trouble telling you that.

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