Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Tough as Nails

I for some reason was thinking about the past. I remember the days when nothing seemed to get to me. I was not as scared of lows or seizures and when it happened it did not create these big waves in my life. I know I felt as tough as nails and that I could take on anything. I know I have for the most part handled stress well and was able to always find a way to get what I needed done. I know the past six or seven years that changed dramatically. I am now in a place where a bad lows or seizures are engrained in my mind for moths afterwards and it creates big waves in my life and I have no real ability to handle these situations. I never was tough as nails but feeling like I was made it easier to handle what ever life handed me. I was ready for almost anything.

I know I miss my old self because I felt like I could do more and I did not feel held back by my Diabetes. Today I know that I was never really tough as nails but I achieved so much when I was able to handle my life in that manner. I realize now that I miss the ability to handle stress and be able to adjust quickly to changes. Since my Hypoglycemia Unawareness I know that I am not as tough as I once thought but I also know it is also good that I realize that I was not really being honest with myself.

 I know I could do almost anything still but with little adjustments and that is good. I know admitting that I am not at tough as nails which I have always thought of myself as being that is really difficult for me to even admit to myself let alone anyone else. I know that I have learned a great deal about myself and my Diabetes. I know that my life has never been easy and never will be because I have Diabetes. I know I can do most things still but need to realize that my body now has boundaries I need to follow.

I think it can be incredibly difficult to accept in some ways that yes Diabetes has caused some changes that no one would want to deal with. I also know that I am strong in a great deal of ways but now with a more realistic view of my reality. It is nice to think you can take on the world but realized that just being able to keep up with most things in my life is really enough. I know we are all incredibly tough just for dealing with all the Diabetes craziness and making it look to easy. Thankfully I have realized that I don't need to be tough as nails.

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