Monday, March 3, 2014

Slipping Back Into Old Habits

Over the past several years I have felt pretty good about the fact that my old eating disorder did not seem to be a real big issue. I know when it starts to creep back in my life. I have been under so much stress and that can set the wheel turning for me. I know recently I went to the Dr. and I wanted to know the number. I always tell the nurses not to tell me my weight because if I know the number that can set off this mental struggle for me where I need to eat less and exercise long period of time. I will exercise for hours and hours and eat very little. My condition is called exercise anorexia which is pretty common. I tend to highly focus on my weight even though my clothes will fit great the number for me is a huge issue. I know the more criticism I have been getting at work the more I feel insecure and it has started the wheels up again in many ways. I don't know my weight but I have this urge I need to work out and work out which is not easy for me. I know I need to change my current environment by changing jobs to where I feel not so criticized in general. I am a true Type A personality and a perfectionist is what I strive for but that is extremely difficult when you want to be the perfect weight. I know full well that I need to just be healthy but it is incredibly difficult since I joined the gym again recently and now can exercise more often regardless of the weather.

 I am doing things now to help get me back into balance but still able to exercise but not too extreme's. I do have things I follow such as not weighing myself and eating healthy not matter what size I am. I do try to be active but not let things get out of control to where I need to exercise 7 days a week and I know if I don't get a handle on things I can be headed down that path now. I am always working on keeping myself more mellow about my weight and concentrate more on what I am eating and if I am active enough. This normally helps me to keep in a healthy weight range. I have gained some weight but I know that is due to all the stress and the pressure I have been feeling recently. I have increased my exercise slightly but still within a healthy range. I know I need to tread lightly right now and I know trying to spend as little time at work and spend more time doing more things for myself in the long run will help me to get my thought process back to a healthier place. I am striving to get back their but honestly I was not expecting to slip back into it so quickly.

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