Thursday, March 27, 2014

Need More Time

I have been feeling with my recent RA flare-up that I really need to give myself more time for me. I have been pushing myself too much for a job that has not appreciate of all the hard work and the months of overtime I have done to help the department get all the work done. I know in the long run if I continue at this pace I will end up hurting myself financially because of emergency room visits or increased Dr visits. I know if could go back to just working not as many hours I would be allowing my body to handle all the stress that are thrown my way.

 I think the past two years I have been slinking by but not really allowing my body the rest . I know since I do have issues I feel this obligation to give so much more than others might but I now feel nothing but regret for the decision because I will never be appreciated or understood. I am working on finding a better work option that will allow me to properly care for Duchess and myself but also enjoy our lives more than we currently do. I feel stuck and quite unhappy with where I am at and I know I deserve better. My RA flare-up is a great reminder of why I need to leave. I know my boss said I looked fine and she had not idea I was in bad pain. The interesting thing is that an old manager I had noticed how tired I looked and told me I should use more of my sick leave if I need too. She said I looked exhausted and not quite like myself.

I guess that tells you a great deal about how little they notice but I also need to in some ways show when I am tired instead of covering things up. I have always been bad about showing if I am sick or not allowing people to know when I am in pain because I like to deal with things on my own. I know I need to work on better communication during these times but I also knew that the response would be lackluster as well. I know I don't really explain how difficult diabetes is to those around me because I find some will not really understand. I know when I had seizures at work several years back I know a coworker at the time said the event really made her understand how complicated it was but also how much work must be involved as well. I know as time goes on people tend to forget these events which makes things more difficult.

No comments:

Post a Comment