Glad Things Turned Out to be Fine

I always end up saying that I had not need to worry before my Endocrinologist appointment. I love the office I see and I am blessed that they understand how hard I work. They know I am always trying new things to keep my blood sugar in line. I know I thought my A1c went up but it was the same for all my A1c's this year which is great. I know I feel blessed they are constantly working with me to figure out the craziness I call my diabetes. I know we discussed my seizure and we looked at the Dexcom data before the seizure and honestly it looked like a great day for me until that point.

So we are just taking it easy and if anything comes up such as a bad low or seizure they want me to call. I told them that this time my blood sugars were very level and not too difficult to handle so I did not call to discuss the issue with them. I feel like I made the correct call. I know in the past once I had a seizure it was really easy to go back into another seizure but this time has really been different. I do not know what to expect but I am just going to continue to do my best.

I know my Dr. was not upset about the seizure they told me they were proud that I had worked so hard and that not having a seizure for two years was a reflection of my work. So I know I can count on them to be supportive even when I had initially had trouble seeing that it just happens. I know their will always be the good times and the bad times dealing with my diabetes. So today I am just celebrating that yes hard work does help and that yes I will make mistakes but at the end of the day I have a great team behind me.

Why Do I Panic Every Time

I know I am really not looking forward to my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow. My Animas One Touch Ping had been creating higher blood sugars which took me a while to figure out. I did not figure it out till last Friday when it was going back into constant prime mode. I know I was incredibly frustrated that was what was causing all the higher blood sugars I was experiencing. It turns out the motor was sending less insulin in than it was supposed to be which was causing me to use temp basal rates to keep things in check. Thankfully I am pretty resourceful and was able to figure out things as I went. I noticed that the pump was asking to be primed more frequently and then the higher blood sugars appeared. I just wish I had noticed sooner. This also leaves me with questions about my recent seizures could the pump be part of the issue. I know I had had some issues over the past month but I was so busy it took me a while to put all the fact together.

Animas did get me out a pump quickly and they are looking into the pump when I send it back. They are checking to see if the issues were caused by the pump malfunctioning. I am hope the spend the time to review everything and get any of the issues resolved. I am not sure I will ever know if the seizure was insulin pump related but it very well could have been. I am really glad I was able to get back to the more normal blood sugars I am used to seeing. I am back to less lows and very few highs which I prefer. So I know most likely my A1c has went up but I have no idea how much but at least I know what happened. I have been at the say Alc number for over a year and I will be sad if it goes up. I am not expecting a large jump but a slight one will not hurt.

I know the Dr. will be okay with the fact it went up. I know they are pleased that I work so hard to begin with. I just was hoping to keep things where it currently is but I also know that is really hard to do. Sometimes my body likes to change dramatically and it can take a while to figure out how to handle the issues. So I know I am happy that normally all my blood work comes back normal so normally the only one I worry about is my A1c thankfully. I know things will be fine but I am always so nervous for the appointment regardless if my Alc was normal or not.

Duchess and The Needed Change

I am now dealing with the whining issue since my recent seizure some times after seizures I have gathered that Duchess views this personally as a failure. Shortly after the seizure she will then decide on her own to change her alert because she thinks it is not effective. Which really makes sense but nothing drives more crazy than whining. So it is not an alert that I want her to use and I like her to keep the noise to a very minimum level and her whining can get loud. So it looks like I may need to go back to using the bringsel again to alert. I really hate the whining so I know I need to use and old alert or find a new one for her to learn. She loves learning new things so I know she would probably like to learn a new one. The issue can be finding an alert that does not drive me crazy but also is easy enough for Duchess to do.

So I am back to looking at what options I have to create a new alert for her or possibly one she feel better about. Duchess really amazes me how she handles these moments of scary with such patience. She never gives up and keeps going even after a bad seizure or low. She is always affected in one way or another by these episodes. So I will go with the change and try to find an alert that works for both of us. It can be difficult at times to find options that work for us both. I know last time I ended up bringing back and old alert which seemed to appease Duchess. Right now she is going back to pawing my legs instead of licking my hand. It will probably take another week of working with her to use the old alert and not whine. I am so glad that she is willing to just go with the other alert for now. Most of the time then she will go back to licking my hand instead of the alternate alert.

Giving New Things a Try

I recently purchased Duchess a new service dog vest and I for the first time in 3 years I have to actually purchase patches for her vest. The previous dog vests were customizable and I could select from a few patches that were sewn on. I was searching online when I saw a patch that I thought might get people to stop and think just for a moment. My favorite part of the patch is the saying I don't pet you while you are working. I am trying to get the people who are the dog lovers who think that the patches do not apply to them.  I meet them frequently and I usually have to put my hand in front of Duchess to get them to stop petting. I always try my best to educate but at times I have to stop them which does not seem to teach them anything. So I am always looking for ways to get people's attention by using different or unusual patches really seem to help send a message. This has really worked well so far and I hoping it will in the future.

 

I have found that when I get on the bus that people are commenting on her patches and they seem to be taking what the patch is saying seriously which is my goal. I really hate having to tell people not to pet her consonantly.So far and I am loving her new patches and I don't even need to have a separate patch stating medical alert dog technically but I do have one on her vest. I know so far Duchess seems to love her Ruff wear vest and her new patches. I am hoping that the new patches continue to get people to think before they do a drive by pet which happens frequently. I am thankful that most of the time Duchess is able to not be too distracted by this but at times it can take away her focus.

Helping In Ways I Never Realized

I know my recent events have really made me think about things. I know every time the EMS is their at work I am always worried they are trying to make me go to the hospital. Most of the time I go against the recommendations and go home. I know what they are going to do at the hospital and I can do it at home. So I stay home where both of us are most comfortable. Each time the EMS is their the local University police shows up. They have repeatedly interfered in the past with my ability to get transported with Duchess. Their can be consequences for both of us being separated. I am so used to having Duchess their in my darkest moments I really depend upon her more than I have ever realized we are a team who works well together. She keeps me calm and cool during these events by being her crazy self. I know she is nervous for me and really cares. I know during these moments their is no other place she would rather be than with me.

She was trained to be with me during these moments and most of all she needs me just as much as I need her. I know I have been through so much and I feel like having Duchess their really helps me in ways I never dreamed. I normally stay really calm and cool anyways, but I tend to be reacting inside to these feelings. The interesting thing is that Duchess knows if I am upset, scared or just feeling let down. She picks up my emotions so well at times she seems to know before I do at times. I know I can handles this alone, I have plenty of times in the past but I just feel better not doing it alone. I has always been told I am very stoic and I do not usually ask for help. So having Duchess near bye I don't have to ask she just knows me too well.

I am beyond thankful that even in my worst and my best days that Duchess is her with me. She is constantly keeping me safer and makes me feel comfortable taking on challenges. Duchess will always be my best friend and I know I am blessed to have her in my life. I never dreamed that Duchess would be helping me in so many unexpected ways. I know I feel safer than I did when I was first diagnosed with Hypoglycemia Unawareness and that peace of mind is priceless. I know I value my freedom and my ability to hold a job which all goes back to Duchess doing a wonderful job.

How I Feel Now

I know since my seizure and the guy who said I inspired him at the gym my mind has been going a hundred miles an hour these days. I have been strangely on this adrenaline rush of sorts since my seizure. I know a person on the bus said to me you remind me of the main character in the book Tris in the Divergent movie. There is a quote " Fear doesn't shut you down; It wakes you up" which is really quite true for most Diabetics I am sure. I know I tend to be different at times maybe I am an just different in how I handle seizures from time to time. I have been on this complete adrenaline rush of sorts which seems strange to me I guess it has been thankfully a while since my last one. I know the comments made me think it is really strangely true how after the moments of scary I tend to either really be affected by it or it just seems to pump me up. I know at work I have been plowing right through it and seems to keep going. So I am finding my response to the recent seizure to be true I did seem to really wake up to the fact of how dangerous the seizures can be.

I know I am not mad or upset or even in denial, but this time I just feel really awake. I know I needed to make changes quickly after the seizure which I did do. I am still feeling just over the top energy which I am taking advantage of but I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing. I know I feel differently after each seizure I have experienced and this is one is no different. It is extremely hard to explain where I am currently at but I am not in a bad place right now and I am thankful.

Left Completely Speechless

I am not normally a person who can be left speechless but last night I was. I had been at the gym on the elliptical for around 15 minutes. When a man approached I was working out. I had my head phones on and I had to take them off. Normally I do not get interrupted at the gym which I like normally I like getting into a mindset of concentrating on my goal for the night. The man said he had been coming to the gym for a while. He told me that he was in firefighter training. He said he noticed that I was treating a low blood sugar while working out several times he saw me at the gym.

He said he knew my life was not most likely not easy but manageable with my service dog. He said I had inspired him by my determination to finish and get through the work outs even with all the obstacles I face. He then said that I inspired him to do more as well in his life. That is a really overwhelming statement to take in. I know he said he noticed that I seemed to just make it look easy. I know he was learning about Diabetes and said that he respected how much effort I put into staying healthy even with obstacles. I know during the conversation I could only say Thank you but I felt like I would not even begin to know what to say. Normally I can be a chatter box, but last night I was just surprised. I have always thought of myself as very normal and would do what any normal Diabetic does. I guess because I have Duchess it is more noticeable but regardless I am glad I can help put Diabetics in a good light in the minds of a future firefighter. They tend to show up on a great deal of the calls so I know he will be encountering a great deal of us in the future.

I have never thought of myself as inspirational but I know my life is not easy but I feel like I do nothing different than any other Diabetic does really. I do know regardless that it does feel very cool to inspire some one else especially someone who will be encountering Diabetics as part of their job. I know most of the time you only meet these people once but it is nice to know that they are starting to see what our struggles are and not judge us. I know most EMS seem very non judgmental but I have one or two through the years that made assumptions. I know after my seizure I am feeling like my whole world is spinning out of control but it is funny how life sent me a reminder of sorts to give myself some credit for all my hard work.

 

The Aftermath

I know my seizure on Thursday afternoon drew attention as normal. This time when I was at work on Friday I had people surrounded me at my desk all morning and afternoon coming by to check on me. I know they care but for me this is very difficult. I hate one thing in particular and that is all the attention that my lows create for me. I know my whole life I have wanted to avoid attention from lows. I feel like it is a bad attention in my mind. I find all the attention almost over whelming and takes me back to the day of the seizure. I am not ashamed I had a low but I prefer attention for more positive things such as good work or doing a great job on a project. I know I spent most of my life trying to avoid any attention related to my Diabetes when possible. I know all I have ever wanted is to feel as normal as possible. I know these days that will not really be possible especially since I have Duchess.

My Diabetes these days will always garner some attention regardless if I like it or not. So I am adjusting as well as I can to this fact over the past 4 years. I know I am okay with people knowing I have Diabetes and asking questions, but when it involves lows or seizures that is where I am most uncomfortable. I know I am working on trying to get used to the fact that yes their will always be a chance I can have a seizure and I can't prevent them all. I do work hard and do everything I can. I know with having Hypoglycemia Unawareness that I will be more prone to lows and I know that could mean more moment of scary. I guess I may never be completely okay with the seizures and bad lows but I also know I should not be comfortable with either. It can be so taxing to deal with the after math of bad lows. I don't feel angry or upset just completely dazed.