Increasing Confidence

I have been noticing that with me running now that my hearing of my Dexcom is even worse than before. I am not back to a glass bowl with rocks a cup and my Dexcom in the cup all so I can hear the low or high alarms. I know I am healthier doing more rigorous exercise but there is also the good and bad to everything. have noticed now that even if my Dexcom sensor failed during the night I am less likely to be late for work because it seems now that I am able to hear my alarms in the morning where before I was not. I also have noticed now that I seem to be able to fluctuate my meal times a little more without sever lows which is quite nice.

I have noticed the more muscle I build the stronger and more resilient I have noticed I am becoming. I know with Hypoglycemia Unawareness it really makes you more likely to have a bad lows so I am thankful for any improvement big or small. I also have been able now to get where most days I do not have a low at the gym at all. I am getting better at figure out how to keep the lows away while exercising. I am working on figuring out now how to do longer runs without the lows if possible and I know that will take some time. It took a great deal of experimenting to figure out how to handle up to 50 minutes on the elliptical without a low. Running actually for around 30 minutes I seems to find what worked really easily maybe I am finally figuring it out with some practice. I know each person is different so finding what works for you can be challenging.

I am thankful for the little things like shot bloks which have made finding ways to avoid lows so much easier. It is better than eating cookies or other bad things instead keeping it healthier and not having major spikes and drops really has helped me to achieve a great deal of goals. I am working now on increasing my distance and pace of my running. So as I increase things I know I will be battling lows again but for once I feel much more confident that I have this handled.

Show Me Your Pump

I know my first Friends for Life Conference in Orlando last year I experienced so much actually both times. I know the first conference I meet two of the sweetest little girls. I remember I was with Duchess in the hall way on my way back to my room my blood sugar was heading low so I was on my way back to my room. I meet some parents who had questions about Duchess. So I was explaining to the parents what Duchess does for me. Then one of the little girls notices my pump on my hip. She then lifts up her dress to show me her pump. Then the little girl next to her who also had an Animas One Touch Ping pulls up her dress and does the same thing. I know they felt so proud to show me that they had the same pump. I know the feeling of belonging was something I had never felt before the Friends for Life Conference. Meeting people in person is really priceless. I know I was trying to not laugh as the girls were lifting up their dresses because I wanted them to not be embarrased about their pumps. I know that moment I will never forget. It was such a fun moment.

I know with the Show me your pump from Sierra Sandison it made me think back to friends for life. I also know I can't get over how funny Mike Lawson's photo was. I know when I ever hear show me your pump I think of that picture. Sierra Sandison will be on Dr. Oz on September 11th we should show are support and share again #ShowMeYourPump pictures. I know it was really wonderful to see all the pump pictures and the positive message that was sent to the general public. The more positive messages we can send the better. 

Wonky Numbers

My blood sugars have really been wonky the past couple of days. I know I have not felt well but I did not expect them to be this wonky. At night I can be either really low or run 180 all night or 60 all night. Normally when I am working out my blood sugars are in the 130's-140 range normally but last night my blood sugars shot up into the 160's while exercising. Normally I would be dropping down into the 90-100 range towards the end of the workout. Last night I was climbing up. I had eaten dinner before I worked out but normally I do not bolus for my food it tends to help me from not going low along with shot bloks. So I was really surprised I had to bolus last night while working out. I was going at a very fast and steady pace. I did not feel high and was really surprised to hear my Dexcom go off as high. I might occassionally see a low especially in the last ten minutes of working out but now I seem to have gotten to where I am not going low but end up in the 90's and eat a snack.

I did not eat a snack last night and took around two units of insulin and still ended up in the 160 range after working out. I know I do tend to rise slightly after I finish because of the fact I did not bolus for my dinner. So I know I have to bolus but I guess I should have bolused more. I feel asleep watching television last night and I had not looked at my Dexcom before going to bed. It was running in the 150 range which is rather high for me at this time of night. I am not sure why the drastic change in blood sugars all of a sudden just really hoping it settles down. I am used to my blood sugars being a little more predictable. I know the past four or five days I have been guessing and not very well either.

I feel okay today so hopefully that is the end of the crazy of either high or low blood sugars. I know I am really tired since I could not sleep last night because I was low on and off for several hours. Once my blood sugar was normal again sleep still eluded me. I am really hoping for a much smoother day today. I know tonight I am running which means that I will most likely be running lower just as long as I have my blood sugar high enough before running I will avoid a low. My fingers are crossed. I know tonight I am just hoping for steady blood sugars that allow sleep.

Duchess Surprise Issue

I went for a vet visit for Duchess on Saturday morning. I had thought she had a simple UTI infection but instead she has incontinence at 6 years old. Which seems weird to me. I am not sure if it is that but I will know more at the end of this week if the medication is working or not. The interesting part of this is all is that Duchess was incredibly embarrassed and tried to hide from me she was having an issue. She would lay on the little spot on her dog cot so I would not see. She has not having accidents when we were out and about just little small spots on her dog cot which I wiped downed and cleaned up. So I am not overly concerned about that right now. My concern is that she had crystallized urine which could be kidney stones. The vet said that can happen from time to time but if it shows up again they will have to do further tests. I know her next visit they will do another urine analysis. I find it really odd that she is having these issues at six years old. It can go away completely but I have a feeling because she was spayed younger that was part of the issue.

My first dog Angie also had this but not until she was 12 years old but back then they did not have drugs to treat this issue. I know that the not having the hormones present seem to be a cause of the issue. I know normally I would wait till at least a year olde before spaying my dog because this issue does not seem to show up. When we spay earlier it always seems to be an issue that comes up. I could be wrong but that is what I have personally observed. So I am waiting to see what happens next. Hoping that this will go away after being taking less and less over time. I am happy they have options but I am not sure that is what she really has. Luckily she does not seem to have any other issues so I am hoping that I will see a big improvement. The issue just seems to be more of an issue for Duchess and her being embarrassed. I know her training is a big reason why. She knows she is not supposed to have accidents. The amount is very minute so I am optimistic.

I as the her care taker this has been really difficult because I want her healthy and not on a ton of pills if at all possible. I know I want the same for myself as well. I just wish that she made it easier for me to notice when she does not feel well. I know Duchess is no easy to notice when something is wrong even with my trying to keep on eye on things.

Thoughts on Ice Bucket Challenge

I have been thinking about the recent ice bucket ALS challenge that went viral. I know people want us to do the same thing or something similar. I have my doubts if it would work because of all the incorrect information spread by the media. I know in order to get the same results from a challenge like the ice bucket we need to be viewed in a more positive manner. That is difficult when the average person thinks managing Diabetes is simple and some people don't even try. It is really hard for others to view things properly if they think that it is easy. I know my Diabetes can be very difficult and always has been hence the brittle Diabetic term that was added to my medical files when I was a baby.

I know even my own family at times forgets how difficult it can be when they are not around me enough. So I know it would be incredibly difficult to get the same amount of support until we correct a great deal of the incorrect information that has been going around for years. I hear constantly from the general public oh its easy you just test and take insulin. I tell them that is really incorrect. There is a great deal of things that affect blood sugar. So getting them to understand would not be an easy task and some would choose still to not believe. Even my own family would choose to donate more money to Cancer than to Diabetes when I used to raise funds for the ADA and JDRF. They always gave more money for Cancer or other illnesses because I assume they thought it would not kill me or just thought it was really slow moving.

I am frustrated we don't get the same support and funding from people because of the blame factors of Diabetes. This always has made me angry. I know people with ALS deserved funds too but, I want Diabetes to get the same funding as well. I know we need to correct a great deal of the the misinformation that the general public thinks is fact before I think we will get the same type of response from some thing similar to the ice bucket challenge.

Excellent Visit and Good News

Well my visit with my Retina Specialist went well. There was no real changes in my eye and there was no formation of the bad blood vessels that cause the hemorrhages in my eyes. They said no Edema or any other issues showing. My eyes looked great he noticed my blood pressure was low which is normal for me most of the time.He said my eyes looked very stable and I would not have to come back for another six months. So my goal of keeping my Alc in range has really seemed to help me keep the Retinopathy stable as well. I know I take risks running my blood sugars lower but being able to keep my eyes as healer as possible is also beneficial as well. I know I make decision everyday that some would not make but I know what works for me and my life. Doing the type of work I do I need to be able to see well enough to look a computer screen all day.

I am happy that my eyes are doing so great because of all my hard work has paid off. I still have 20/20 vision currently and I could not be any happier with that. I do not see well at night but I can get around as necessary but I am looking at getting glasses for night driving. So I am very proud that my good blood sugars have helped me in avoiding any long term issues with my eyes. Even though it has been a bumpy ride I have learned so much about how keeping things well controlled does make a difference when having complication. I know I have struggled with the pressure of keeping things where I think they need to be. I also know my eyes are truly a reflection of all my hard work. I know I plan on keeping up with all the things I am currently doing.

Struggling to Educate At Times

There is times that I meet people from the general public and the discussion turns incredibly offensive very quickly. I know when you are disabled they see me as a dumping ground for insults not matter how nice I am. I try my best to educate as I can but there is some that are not open to learning the truth which is frustrating. I know I wish I could get people to understand Diabetes is  not as simple as I test blood sugar and take shots. It is so complicated and they go straight into the blame factors right away. I know I will be blamed if I die from a low even though we all know at times we will never know what cause the blood sugar to drop dramatically or rise high quickly. Even when you check your infusion sets, make sure hands are clean etc. I know it is hard to be faced with the ignorance of the general public most of the time.

I know recently I have felt that no matter what I will die from someday I will be blamed for my death if it is related to my Diabetes which makes me angry. I will be blamed for a low blood sugar if I die and they list it as a complication which is not really true in my mind. A complication would Retinopathy or other issues but not a low blood sugar. I find it interesting how my family will also have to stomach a great deal of the blame as well because I will be viewed as some one who did not try because I have complications. I know they will have to answer these awful questions one day as well. I know I hate that Diabetic patient is blamed and shammed because of a Disease that has not guarantee's. People can die from so many things but the blame factor will always incredibly disturbed me because it give me no credit for trying or doing my best.

I guess I am just angry that no matter what we do as Diabetics this stigma seems to follow. Maybe some day we will get everyone educated enough to understand that Diabetes is difficult and not easy. I have had several run in recently with people who told me that Diabetes is simple and that I should test more and I would not need Duchess. I told them they were wrong and need to learn the facts before you confront strangers. I also explained that their is not guarantee's and everyone person Diabetes can vary. So there is nothing easy about Diabetes. I am hoping I don't have any more of these run in's but I know I will. I just hate dealing with the ignorance is bliss attitude from people.

Up Coming Visit

I am a little nervous I have an upcoming appointment with my Retina Specialist. It has been over six months since I last saw my Retina Specialist. I have had one or two small bleeds which were gone quickly. I have a feeling they will do some laser treatments which is fine. I know I feel like I have made such wonderful progress with my eyes that I only go every six months know which is a relief in the beginning I was going at two or three times in a month to get the bleeding under control. The best decision I ever made was firing my first Retina Specialist he did things not in the normal procedural ways but instead in ways he preferred. I have to say that getting my eyes lasered when laying back in a chair was torturous and extremely painful. I know that my Dr. using the standard method during the laser procedure helped him get control of the bleeds and I have been doing great since. I feel like I just need to stay on top of it and keep my blood sugars in control that I will not experience much difficulty.

I know when the Retinopathy started several years ago I was so scared but I have learned so much about myself and how I can handle difficult situations. The only thing I did not handle well was telling people that I have complications which I still struggle with. Their is so much judgement but I know realizing it does not matter how they view me but really what I am doing for my condition. The people who judge me have not walked the same path or most likely only know the information passed on by the media which is incorrect. I know I am extremely nervous about this appointment in particular but I know that is probably because I have not been in the office in half a year. I guess that worries me to an extent but I feel overall my eyes have been great my vision has been good and I feel overall things are going well with my eyes. I am not looking forward to my exam but that is putting up with a couple things that are over pretty quickly.