Reality

            I spent a larger part of my teen years feeling like a complete failure as a diabetic. Actually quite a percentage of my early twenties as well. I know two factors deeply affected my diabetes care. Those factors are my doctors and my ability to afford all my supplies. I remember as a teenager I would swing my low to high and back again not because I was not trying but I'm sure my hormones were not helping either. I think after a while of being told I was a bad diabetic I determined I was and moved on from it. I think the Dr. was well intentioned but had the opposite of intended effect. They made me feel like if I was over 140 I was a complete failure. Even with an A1c of 7.1 I would be criticized and lectured. I knew if the Dr. lectured me, so would my parents. I became this vicious cycle. I know I talked with my parents about my dislike of the Dr. we eventually switched to a family practice Dr. who had a different approach until he moved his practice. With that Dr. leaving we went back again to an Endocrinologist. Same thing again. I really did try but I was sick of being told I was not doing enough. These Dr. expected perfection when they only criticized instead of trying to work with me. They were so cold and just blamed me instead of trying other ways to get better control. I have recently been told that I was a complete failure again because the Dr. thinks an Alc for some one with hypoglycemia should be 7.0 to 7.5 but I disagree completely. I know that you can develop more complications in that range and I understand they want me to stay higher to avoid lows but I feel better being below 7.0 which I have been for the past four and half years. I work really hard in fact they used a CGM on me for a couple of days and I had days where it was in ideal range all day. I was so angry but this time I continued to do what I normally do and decided to ignore the Endocrinologist. I am currently looking for a new Endocrinologist who get's that I am actually trying to maintain good control and not need to run higher for the Endo's sake.

             I was fortunate growing up that my Dad's insurance plan covered so much of the expense which was wonderful but once I was on my own plan at work it was not good. I had several jobs in my early twenties that the coverage was so bad that I could not afford to use my insurance. I had to make choices most diabetics would not want to make. Affording enough test strips and all the other supplies was difficult. I really wish I had know back then about the all the patient assistant programs back then when I really needed them. I hear so many stories of people struggling to pay for all their medical supplies. It really makes me angry that people are not always able to get what they need to take proper care of themselves. I think it really says a lot about our health care in the United States. Even with decent insurance now I am still having to pay a larger amount out my own pocket for my new Insulin pump. I know right now I have too many issues with long acting insulin to do shots and so my only option is an insulin pump.