Great Endocrinologist Appointment

I went for my regular 3 month Endocrinologist check up today. I was not sure how the would react to my decision to want to pursue doing the Accelerate Free Falling which is basically solo sky diving. I know I was surprised but my Physicians assistant had sky diving several years back. So she said she under stood why I wanted to pursue it. She said I was a responsible adult who takes the time to do all the necessary preplanning to keep myself safe and said have fun. I am so happy she understands that I am an adrenaline junkie who just found my next adventure. I have always wanted my Diabetes to never stop but in the past couple of years at times it has. I am no longer allowing it to slow me down or stop me. I know I am so excited that I will continue on my adventures with Sky diving. For the first time in several years I have not been this happy.

I think that is why I had the bucket list I created years ago really made me happy. I love to experience new things and I do plan on do more with my best friend this summer. I knew I needed to do more for myself these days. I tend to do more for others and forget I need to do things I love as well. So I am making it a point since I work so hard with my Diabetes I should be able to enjoy my life the way that means the most to me. I know I have learned so much over the past couple of year and I work really hard and I am going to enjoy my life as much as possible and continue to push myself to continue to try new adventures.

I was so happy all my levels include A1c were where they were supposed to be and no vitamin deficiencies as well. It looks like all my other aspects looks great and my Dr. even commented about how much weight I have lost by exercise. I know I am so happy all my work is really paying off. I am hoping my next appointment in July is the same as this one. I know it feels so wonderful when you can see all your hard work paying off.

Sleep Issues Equals Challenges

I know normally on the days I exercise I tend to fall asleep very quickly and I am out. I know I have a phone call in the evening where I was discussing things with a person and then they say something that was unexpected and then all of sudden had to get off the phone. The message was not terrible or anything but being it was later in the evening it kept me up last night when I should have been sleeping. I know since I did not sleep as well last night that my blood sugars would be tough to deal with so far today. I know that when I don't sleep also means more lows I might battle today. So far I have been trying to keep the lows at bay but I seem to not be wining.

I also tend to have my blood sugars move up quickly when I do not sleep well. So it is amazing how much a simple thing such as sleep can really not only affect your mood but also your blood sugars. I know that it does have its effects but I also know that you can't prevent everything. So I know I just have to hang in there. I know I had issues with my blood sugars dropping very quickly yesterday during my work out so I know today I will need to especially be careful to try and have my blood sugar at high enough rate before I start my work out tonight.

I know the past couple of days have been rough at work with people being out sick and I am the only person in covering numerous items on my own. So I guess I will have to hang in there until tomorrow when hopefully things will be back tomorrow. I know I have my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow which thankfully I am not at all nervous about it so I know I should sleep well. 

Emergency Training for Co-workers

I did an emergency training at work yesterday and  a refresher for some people. Most of the people who attended were new to the department. I always feel weird discussing my condition but I am glad I do it is for my own safety. I even used expired glucagon kits so they would know what to do during an emergency. I know some people learn by doing so that worked well. I only had three kits sadly and I could of used more but everyone was able to at least learn what to do. I find the more information they have the better they will be able to assist me in case of an emergency.

I know no matter how many of these I teach I will always feel slightly embarrassed I have to teach it in the first place I also fee very vulnerable when I do teach it because I reveal so much about how I behave when I am low and some of my responses. I know I always feel weird that I resemble that of a two year old in a great deal of ways when I am low.  I do try my best to not get carried away with things when I am low but that can be difficult. I know I have found that even with time I still find emergency situations to be really hard to handle emotionally and I find not matter how prepared people are that they will be affected by what did happen.

I know I am hoping that my new coworkers appreciate my willingness to educate and train but I have a feeling they just don't understand what it can be like to wake up to EMS. I know it has helped me in the past but sometimes honestly being a Diabetic in general really can be complicated. I know this time my Department is approaching the Police Chief for my University to address the past issue I have had. Most of the time the University Police tend to amp up the situations by being present. They create issues such as Duchess being transported with me to hospital etc. I know I don't want to be separated from her and that they should be transporting us together. She is very essential to me and my care. So having the University Police let me make those decisions instead of them trying to interfere. Most of the time EMS has been prepared to transport us but they always try to stop them.

When you Need to Speak Up

I went to a campus disability meeting where I work. Normally they have two meetings a year. I normally do not attend these meeting but recently their has been changes to the buildings that have been affecting me personally. During these meeting you can discuss obstacles such as building issues, parking, issues with getting access to items you need to do your job etc. I know they used to have these doors that I enter that would open automatically but due to other issues they removed them. They put these new doors on but the issue I have had issue with is the fact that Duchess can't push the button to open the doors. The button is so stiff she even after several tries can't get the button to work. I know some morning my hands are so stiff that pushing the button is painful. I know I have to jam my hand into the button to get it to work and the building next door same issue. I know that the disabled woman with a service dog who works for the disability office had the same issues. I am really glad I spoke up because they have determined that others must be having similar issues so they will make modifications to the doors so Duchess can be able to push the button without problems.

I know I don't have Duchess do it every day but I know since my last flare-up I have been having more issues with my hands. I know some fine movements are not what they used to be so I am trying to make things as simple as possible and getting a door fixed seems like the way to go. I know the other disabled woman's service dog could not open the doors at either location either and this dog is a good 18 pounds heavier than Duchess. I also discussed that I felt the University did not offer enough information for departments who have service dogs teams in their departments.

I know the disabled woman said she had quite a bit of information about service dogs and information that could have been helpful. I mentioned that I felt like my Managers are always so busy it would be inconvenient for them to have to meet with her to get that information. I recommended that they put information online for departments because of all of the issues I have experienced. I actually discussed how they had to build me a door on my cubicle because of complaints that Duchess's dog bones did not look professional. The man who actually created the door was present at the meeting and his boss. I know they said from their perspective normally they don't have to build walls or other things. I know my issues have been mainly because I feel people did not understand that I don't get special treatment. I actually do my job and all required of me like any other employee.  The good part is now the University will be adding a section of information for departments and others about service dogs in the workplace.

I know this meeting had two of us disabled participants and the rest was staff involved with the disabilities office. I know people did attend the previous meeting so there was just us two and we both have had issues with different aspects. I know I found it very difficult to speak up and say that I was having issues but I am really glad I did. I am hoping these improvements will help others at the University and that it may also help other service dog teams. I know when there is only I think around 4 service dog teams that our staff and the remaining our students it leaves us with such a small number of people. I know speaking up made me feel like I was whining when I was actually having real issues.

When People Tempt

I know last night I was in a really focused place and my plan was to get in and out of the gym as quickly as possible. I knew I had phone calls and other things to get done. So I went as normal and I started my workout and Duchess was right beside my machine. The machines are very close together and so it is difficult to find a place for Duchess most of the time. I had a woman come sit next to me. She started to work out too. I then noticed she was waving at Duchess. The lady then convinced Duchess to come to her. So Duchess was sitting there letting the lady pet her and I am trying from my machine to get her to come back to where she was sitting previously.

Duchess was enjoying the attention so she ignored me. I had to stop working out get Duchess back to sitting next to me. I talked with Duchess for a moment to get her focused back on me. I worry the most about lows when I am working out and the past three weeks have been rough time for me with lows while working out. So I feel the most vulnerable when I am working out. I then started back to focusing on working out again. Then the girl starts up again. This time I stop and tell her to leave my service dog alone she is her for my medical needs and she needs to focus on me. The girl then stops waving at Duchess but continues to make eye contact continually with Duchess. I noticed this seemed to make Duchess distracted. I would have moved but I did not see an open machine that was the same type.

So I decided to stay where I was at. I had another 25 minutes more I needed to work out on this machine then I would be moving onto another machine. So I was just trying to get my workout done so I could concentrate on other things. I was really upset to stop and go three or four times it does not make for a good workout . I know at times people really make things more difficult. I know Duchess ideally should have not been tempted to go to the woman either but I also know this woman was bound and determined to get Duchess to come to her. I really wish people would realize I don't have her there for companionship but because I have a medical issue. I know life presents all these challenges for us as service dog team sadly we didn't do as well we normally would.

                    

Duchess on the Bus Yesterday

My Thoughts on Yesterday

I know I wished yesterday I had more time to participate in#IwishPeopleKnewThatDiabetes day. I ready so many wonderful comments and frustrations. I know yesterday when I dumped a whole bunch of my frustrations into my blog I felt like I had a vacation day of sorts. I know I have to give Kelly Kunik a great deal of credit for such a wonderful Idea. This day was beyond wonderful in that so many could share the good and the bad of Diabetes. I know I work so hard everyday and so does everyone else it was wonderful to read so many tweets and blogs of people who really understand where I am coming from. It was such a wonderful reminder of why the DOC is incredibly wonderful place for so many.

I know I cried yesterday from all the wonderful posts and messages I know it really made feel to be part of such a incredible group of people. I know we all don't always agree or do things the same ways but at the end of the day we all share one disease Diabetes. I know many years ago I would have never experienced a day like yesterday or even connected with other Diabetics the way I do today. I know my blog has given me the ability to put some of the frustrations, fear and hopes in a place where I don't have to carry them around with me. I know with all these tweets I am sure we educated others as well. I know when we are all united as a community we can all accomplish so much. I know I think we should do this at least yearly. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way.

What I Wish People Knew

I know some things I experience as a Diabetic most people would not understand because they have never experienced it. I know there is so many things I wish my own family understood because they don't see my Diabetes daily like when I was a child. So it can be difficult. The interesting thing is that my best friend really see's all my struggles and seems to get it. I appreciate all the people in the DOC because having people who understand is beyond wonderful.

What I Wish People Knew-

• Even though I have struggles I don't need sympathy but just understanding.
• Dealing with lows at night will always be an issue for me since my Hypoglycemia Unawareness diagnosis. I do try to avoid the lows but I at least now not quite as many
• Not feeling lows in by far the scariest thing I have ever dealt with.
•  Dealing with complications and the judgement that comes with it is indescribably difficult. I will never be able to overcome the judgements or assumptions but at least I can educate. 
• I am not a punching bag for people because I have complications and you feel entitled to share you opinions.
• In order to do activities I love I need to preplan everything in order to stay safe
• Exercise and Hypoglycemia Unawareness I will struggle continually with lows but trying new things can help to avoid as many.
• Diabetes is never easy and assuming it is makes me feel angry.
• Having people understand that after a low is treated normally I am back to normal even after a seizure or bad low. 
• Having a disability I feel I have ten times as much to prove in most areas of my life.
• Even though I have overcome so much I really wish people would understand that I can do things that our challenging regardless off not feeling lows.
• No matter what has happened I get up each and everyday and keep on going regardless if I am scared or tired.
• Having a disability does not mean I do less work. 
• I wish my family knew how hard I work to keep myself safe.
• I am always way to critical of myself.
• I wish people understood my frustrations when I go low several times in one day and how draining it can be.
• I know my own family will never truly understand what it is like to be a Diabetic.
• Judgements by Physicians is never appreciated especially when you know nothing about me.
• We all need support and not judgement.
• I wish Dr.'s would not make assumptions such as all Diabetic patients with Retinopathy have high blood pressure and high cholesterol when I have neither issue.
• Being asked by Dr. how are things are going besides your Diabetes is appreciated. 
• Hearing I know you have been working so hard to keep your diabetes well managed is priceless.
• That no matter what is going on getting up and keep going helps me to keep my sanity.
• Waking up to EMS is overwhelming and extremely embarrassing.
• Having incidents at work, home and other locations can create an emotional overload.
• Learning new things about my Diabetes frequently even after 34 years.
• I am always working on keeping the lows to a minimum.

Diabetic Service Dogs:

• I can still do most things but with some adjustments in how I do them
• I have to think constantly about the safety of my Diabetic alert dog Duchess
• I have to worry about staying within the standard service dog protocol and still keep up with my Diabetes can be stressful.
• Having a service dog is incredibly stressful and a great deal of work
• Public access challenges are never easy and you are expected to represent a whole community of people with disabilities so being polite as possible is a must.
• I do not get much personal space having a service dog. She is always by my side. 
• Service dogs have off days just like us.
• Following the patches on my dogs service dog vest is always appreciated
• Petting without asking makes me angry.
• Talking to Duchess and ignoring me is not polite.
• Giving me space is appreciated
• If I say do not pet I really mean do not pet.
• Distracting my service dog can lead to her not working.
• Asking questions about my disability can be too personal.
• Assuming having a service dog is fun but it is actually not fun but stressful at times.
• Keeping your bond with you service dog takes work.
• Keeping a balanced life with your service dog is a must.
• Having a service dog will mean more work.

Decreasing Accuracy

I know most days I love my Dexcom but recently it is driving me nuts. Most of the time like last night it shows I was in the 200's but I was actually in the 120 range which is great. I had a low and treated like I normally would but my Dexcom tends be exaggerating my number around 60-80 points off. I know it does not seem to matter where I have my Dexcom place my arm, leg or stomach none of them are remotely accurate. I know my Dexcom tends to think I am low way before I am actually going to be low or really high when I never actually get to high. I know during workouts it take on average 20 to 30 minutes after working out to realize that I was low at all.

I know if I don't bolus for food my Dexcom tends to think I am moving up extremely fast several arrows up when I am actually moving up slowly. I know my Dr. uses this information to make changes but I feel like most of the data is not useful because it has been so off for the past three months. I know I was hoping that my Dr. does not want to make any changes off the data because I am finding that it mostly useless data at this point. I do plan on discussing this with my Dr. before she makes recommendations for changes. Normally my results are better but I also know I can only use my stomach for brief periods of time and so I rotate spots. I know  I normally do stomach, arms and legs depending upon which one has the most accurate spots but this time none of them seem accuarate.

I know I will never have it to where it will be spot on to what my blood sugar actually is but at times it would be so nice if it was actually much closer to my true blood sugars. I know I like to use it to make better decisions but I am finding recently that might cause issues instead of being helpful. I do put in the correct numbers but most of the time my Dexcom like to go back to the number it thinks it is at so I play the game of reentering at times.

Duchess's Day

I decided on Saturday afternoon that I was going to make Sunday a Duchess day. Keep in mind their was some things I needed to get done one Sunday but most of the day I was planning on spending the day doing things that Duchess likes. For example the weather was not great Saturday so we went for a 2 mile walk on Sunday along what we call Town lake. It is right along the water and you can see people paddle boarding,canoeing and other water activities. It is right near downtown and really a fun place to take your dog for a walk. There is people running, walking, bike riding and other activities. I know Duchess really loves walks so that was how we started the day. Then we played ball in the sunny backyard and she played in the front yard as I was doing things outside the house.

Duchess loves to be outdoors and her favorite activity will always be to play ball. She will play for hours. After all the walking and ball playing then I gave her some fruit and veggies to eat. I have been adding vegetables an fruit to Duchess food for several years now per the guidance of Canine Behaviorist. The Canine Behaviorist actually study dog nutrition and have more knowledge than most vets. They tend to also have guidance because Duchess is working during the day she needs more vegetables and fruit to be added to her diet. The nice part of adding this and yogurt to her meals is that it does not cause weight gain and her coat tends to shine really nicely since adding these to her
diet.

 

So after all the running around and some playing in the water Duchess was really getting worn out but was extremely happy. I know I do always try to make sure Duchess is getting what she needs from me and yesterday was a very fun day for both of us. I know Duchess is already alerted last night even though she was technically  in her off time. I know yesterday she also was given treats for behaving so well and also when I was finishing up some chores I gave her a new bone to chew on. I know Duchess was incredibly happy yesterday and I was happy to see it. I know we spend so much time together so I try to make sure I don't forget about all her hard work. She has kept me safe for quite a few years and spending the day doing things she enjoyed really made her happy.


 

Twisted in Thoughts

I thought I would re-post a Blog from January that I am very proud of and I thought is worth sharing again!!



I know I have been thinking a great deal about complications recently. I know most people hate to read about complications but since it is truly part of my life I feel the need to discuss it. I also know there is a great deal of people out there with complications that need to feel the connections with others who understand what they are going through. We all have struggles with Diabetes and issues that we all experience. I know my road with complications has been scary and with little information available to assist me with making choices. I know several years ago I had to make choices I never thought would come this soon. I know I had to make decision about the quality of my life. My Dr.'s wanted me to run blood sugars higher to reduce the risks of lows and I wanted to keep things under a 7 Alc to prevent further complications. So I made the decision that running with tighter control gave me the ability to have a life with out developing more complications if possible.

I know still today I am haunted by the fact that everyday I get to wake up knowing I played a part in where I am today. I know the times I did not react fast enough to a high blood sugar or did not get it down as fast as I could are probably part of that as well. Another contributing factor has been my untreated depression that went on for several years when I was a teenager. I also know my experience through out my life with seizures and bad lows and fear of lows have created some of the issue as well. I know I had a time where I ran things higher because I felt safer than trying to figure it all out. So now I am left with the constant thoughts of what if I had done more but it is really hard looking back to know if that in the long run would have made a huge difference. I am working on dealing with all the baggage I carry because of my complications and also fighting for Dr.'s who get that I work hard and don't look at me as a failure because at the end of the day I am still human. I am working to reduce my load this year in hopes that I will let me concentrate on what I need to do.

I know with all my hard work that I have kept myself as healthy as possible. I know that my work is paying off but I also know I will forever fight to be treated with respect by nurses and Dr.'s who will make assumptions about me as the patient. I wish they would understand that I have not by in anyways given up even in the midst of a bad low I get up the next day and go to work as normal. I don't let it stop me but I know all the stigmas attached to having complications won't go away and it is sadly part of my life. I know my voice as an advocate is important and a good reminder for physicians that they need to look at where the patients are at and do the best to assist them. I am hoping that with continued education that I can change my experience and others.

Invisible Disabilities and Conditions

I know at times people seem unable to believe that I have a disability or any health issue because it is not visible. I know unless you notice my pump you probably have not idea I have any health issues. I know my Dexcom sensor is out in the open some of the time as well. I know people see it and give me the weirdest looks most of the time I think it is funny because it does not bother me in the slightest. I know each day I face a great deal of unwanted comments and assumptions which really can make my life more difficult. I have to wake up each morning wondering if I did more would I be here today. I have to admit I still struggle with it frequently but I find the sting form ignorant comments can really burn even worse.

I am not really sure what people get out of telling perfect strangers that they think badly of them. I know I have been told if you tested more and followed orders you would not be here today but sadly Diabetes does not equal easy to handle. I know the average person I have meet say you test you take insulin and its easy but I tell start to tell them about all the things that can cause the bloods sugars to move up and down. They seem then to realize the more I explain that it is not easy. I know I wish it was test, count carbs and that was it but it is always so much more.

I meet a lady on the bus today who was struggling with a neurological disorder that is a little more rare so most people are not familiar with it. I know she was discussing how because people are unable to see it they believe there is no issue. I know I have found that to be true. I know some people seem to think that you poke yourself with a needle frequently it won't hurt but that is not true either. So I know that it can be difficult for any invisible condition. I know you tend to get less understanding and less compassion from others in general. Getting accommodations at work for invisible disabilities is tough. I remember back to my first seizure at work that until that happened they doubted my need for Duchess. It was not until she alerted to my coworkers did they really understand why I had her in the first place.

I know I see too much assumptions and not enough questions from people. These assumptions tend to lead to negative views of a person that are unfair and unwarranted. I know most of the time my life is crazy enough without the harsh comments and mis-information which lead to negative comments. Most of the time these days I won't tell people I am even Diabetic or what my health issue is. I know it gives me less of the negative comments which I honestly like but its sad I find that I can't share more information.

Endocrinologist Appointment I Am Uneasy About

I know I have an up coming Endocrinologist appointment. I am not at all concerned this time in many ways I feel like my A1c is most likely in its normal range and I know that everything has been fairly decent blood sugar wise. I could still go up in my A1c and still be in the range I want to be so I am comfortable with where I am at.

 I know I am prepping my list of items I need refills for and I am also getting my questions written down. I also have some recent changes I made and wanted the Dr.'s in put on some other changes I was thinking of making. I normally make the correct decisions but I like to bounce ideas off the Dr. which does help at times. I do almost all of the basal rate changes and occasionally the Dr. will make some minor changes. Most of the time I am on top of these changes. I know my Diabetes does not wait till I get to the Dr.'s office most of the time I need to do evaluations of where I am pretty frequently.

I am nervous in a great deal of ways because I am asking the Dr. about moving forward with the accelerated free fall for skydiving. I know my Dr.'s seems to believe I can still do anything any other Diabetic can so I am just not sure what the response will be. The good part is that I have jumped the one time with a plan of my own on how to prepare for the day. I know with Hypoglycemia Unawareness I need to have a plan of action for some things and I know I have a plan for work such as when I eat and when I snack. I know I can sky dive safely but having a plan its what seemed to work well especially since most of the jumps had long waits. Mind you I do have my graphs of the day already printed out ready to review them with the Dr.. I want to make sure I show them that I can do it safely.

I know I am incredibly stubborn and I know as a kid when I was told no at times I would do just that. I know I spent a great deal of my life being told Diabetics can't do this or do that. I know that I can so regardless of the advice of my Dr. I most likely will still jump. I feel like in some ways my Dr. has been more supportive than my family. I know my family doesn't seem to  hear as much as about all the Diabetics driving race cars, play pro-football and other sports. So they live by what they were told when I was diagnosed back in 1980. I know as of today I plan on living my life on my terms and not others misinformation. It has been long enough and I as an adult feel like I can make these decisions.

What I Wish They Knew

I know at times I have struggled a great deal with my disability at work. Most of the issues were created by people working in the same building who had issue with Duchess having dog bones because they felt it was not professional. Other complaints she had fleas but when they tested by leaving out traps to catch fleas they found none. Then there was the complaint that Duchess had too many toys and her dog crate took up too much room. I know all these issues came from other departments. I know I fought my hardest to have to put up a wall on my cubicle but now I honestly love having it. The reason is because it gives Duchess a quieter space to play and rest while at work. I know Duchess does not have an easy job she is constantly working.

I know the wall keeps people out of my cubicle and also creates less people from seeing Duchess and I which is nice because I am not constantly being interrupted liked I used to be. I also know that if an emergency happens the wall keeps crowds from forming around me. I know it has created a better work environment for both of us. I also know that all of the issues comes from people who have nothing better to do than complain and whine about Duchess because they believe I get special accommodations. The truth is that I currently have no real accommodations currently. I actually get the same amount of work and more normally. So I find it funny how people think because I have a disability that I do not contribute as much.

The truth is that most disabled workers miss less days of work and they also tend to do more work than the average healthy workers. So I find it interesting how people make it even more difficult for me at work by complaining. Thankfully my new manager does not take the complaints at face value and actually looks into to see if it is an issue. Thankfully every claim has turned out to be false and not true.

So after the past three years I really would hope that people would understand I work hard to be here everyday and that I contribute a great deal regardless of my challenges but I really wish people would leave me alone. I know these days you would not think others in the same office would cause you so many issues. I know from dealing with the general public I have not been treated with much respect and the same for my office. I just wish people understood I do not get anythings special such as discounts etc and I don't enjoy taking my dog everywhere.

I find the hardest part of my life is taking Duchess with me because the public access issues and fake service dogs. I face a great deal of challenges and others see it as fun but I have to say the past five years I have faced a great deal of obstacles and challenges just to have Duchess with me. I am thankful that I can have her but I want people to understand it is not fun. It just gives me the freedom I had lost. I know people think my life is very simple because I have Duchess but it actually is a great deal of work in actuality. 

The Past and My Parents

I know recently I have been blessed to have been able to see my best friend more often. We have been best friends since we were 12 years old. The best part is that we always stayed in contact and a great deal of our twenties were spent living far apart but thankfully I was always able to call her and keep in touch. I know we were discussing the past over dinner last night. I know my childhood was far from normal but I have to give my parents credit there was no pediatric Endocrinologist in the area so I went to a Dr. and my Dr followed what my parents requested of them. My mother made it her mission to take great care of me by being a nurse and being able to handle all the medical terminology. I know they did the best they could.

So with the fact that there was limited experienced Dr.'s I spent a great deal of my childhood not doing what most children were doing. I know my parents did not trust that other people could handle watching me or handle my injections. Thankfully some family members were able to help. I know I grew up not being able to do some things but thankfully as I got older they finally allowed me to do what I liked. The issue for me is that I had no idea what to do because I felt like to have so much freedom as a teenager was such a foreign thing to me. I did participate in sports, ballet as a child and other activities but most of the time my parents were always there. I know because of the seizures over the years were scary beyond belief for my parents but especially me.

I know my twenties I tried to make up for the fact that I had grown up way too young I was an adult way too early and way to serious. I also know the my shyness was due to several factors my diabetes and my parents always being present. I also know that I am very thankful though my time away from them was limited but they did a great job of taking us kids to plays, orchestra, concerts, camping, hiking and other activities. I know at the end of the day fear was a huge part of why my childhood was the way it was.

 I know I am thankful that I am so much more daring than my parents. I know my father still today thinks I can't do so many things but he is wrong. I know I will be unable to share with him my continuing adventures of sky diving because he tell me I shouldn't. I feel like now as an adult if I enjoy it I am going to find a way to do it. There is risks but I know I felt like I lived my life way to sheltered and I know that my Adrenaline Rushes seems to allow me back a piece of my childhood in some ways which is incredible.

I know my dad will never support me running a half marathon or pushing myself physically because he just doesn't seem to understand that we all are capable of doing things everyone else can. I know I do have Hypoglycemia Unawareness and I do plan on discussing my sky diving that I plan on doing with my Endocrinologist. I know they will support me need to continue to push to achieve my goals with some adjustments. I have do so many fun things as an adult and I will continue to find a ways to try all the new adventures I can. I know my friend felt bad or sad how tough things were for me but I also know life is tough at times. I am at least trying to make up for lost time. I think I enjoy it even more now then I would have when I was younger.

I had awesome parents and have been blessed but we all make mistakes and i know my mom worried about me constantly. I know they all worked together to make sure I always had health insurance and that I had the medications I needed. I know there is no manual for parents of type 1 children and everyone's Diabetes is different. I know my mothers Diabetes affected her in different ways than it did for me. I love them and I have leaned a great deal about how much they loved me by going to such depths to make sure I had what I needed.

Feeling More Motivated

I know recently back last month I was staring to give into my urge to skip going to the gym. I know I shouldn't because I have seen the benefits of going. Such as I now have less lows in general except for at night that is a constant battle. I also have noticed that I tend to have less upward arrows and less downward arrows on my CGM which is great. I also have noticed that I am less stressed and I tend to notice my lows sooner as well. I don't feel my lows but I at time notice changes when I am exercise which are at least a clue that something is off. I know it has been almost a year of working out at the gym. I know I was feeling really bored and not motivates as I have been. I know that I no longer have as many issues with waking up in the mornings and overall I have had less scary events so I know I need to continue to keep working out.

I know after my recent sky diving experience I am all of a sudden back to working out with a renewed vigor. I know I really loved my experience but that first Monday after my jump I was working out at a much faster pace and I have continued to do so continually. I guess it really was time time for an adrenaline rush. I know that after I have been pushing myself to do more and try new things which has given me the incentive to keep on going. I know I have been working out at least 5 days a week sometimes more which is great. I was going down to three or four days a week for a while and I know I needed to be doing at least five days a week. I tend to keep things a little more regulated if I work out more often.

I know I really enjoy less lows and also less need for assistance with lows but keeping up with the workout at times can be challenging. Most of the time I am very disciplined about keeping up with my workouts but when I get sick that always seems to throw me off track. Thankfully Duchess helps me in ways I never expected. Normally she is one who love a routine such as going to the gym because she is used to going on a regular basis. I have to say I also feel much better when I do get the workout done.

Perfectionism and Diabetes

I know as a Type 1 Diabetic things have never been easy. I also know that I make things more difficult for myself because of this need to strive for perfection. I know that it is not possible in any Diabetics life to achieve this but my mind disagrees even though I know I am wrong. I struggled for most of my time as a diabetic with the fact that if I saw a 200 or high blood sugar I was angry mad and disappointed with myself because I had failed I think I was around 6 years old at the time. I know it seems so very sad to think that way but I have been a perfectionist and so was my mother.

I know that wanting such goals that I have can create frustration, anxiety and other issues because they are not realistic. I know I tend to go overboard with things like weight loss which equaled my eating disorder in my teens and twenties. I know I am better now than I used to be but I still have to stop myself at times. The perfectionism can really cause you to get your down and anxious if you let it. I know I continually have to remind myself at times that things are not realistic and I need to set more realistic goals. I know that I do try to change my need to be a perfectionist but I also am aware you can only change so much. So I do continue to try and keep my perspective a little more healthy. These days I know I still struggle greatly with seeing high numbers but at least I am trying.

I know I will never be able to be where I want to be but I know that if I do the best I can that should be good enough especially with my Diabetes. Life is too short to get my self trapped in a cycle of unrealistic goals and mindset. I know all of perfectionist tend to struggle with other issues because of our own critical nature. So I know I will always have to fight with myself to keep me on the right path. I know today I feel good that I am not struggling with my eating disorder as much because I have worked so hard to change my mindset of how I view my body. I know I still have moments where I think if I lose another 10 pounds and then I realize that I get to points I don't want to stop losing weight.

I know I have experienced some good things from being a perfectionist such as reaching goals that others have not ever reached but also can lead me to being run down because I over estimated what I could do. So no matter if you perfectionist or not it is not easy but at least now I am doing better with not being so critical of myself. I think I still have some work to do but at least I realize it needs to be done. I read this article again recently and thought I would share it does give some good advice.

http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/managing-diabetes/emotional-health/perfectionism/

Gym and The Distractions

They gym recently has become incredibly distracting for Duchess. It seems the first of the year people who joined most of them do not show up any more so it has thinned out. I also noticed a whole bunch of new people who have joined and most of these people are trying to get Duchess attention while I am trying to work out or they are trying to start discussion about her when I have my headphones on. I don't like to talk when I was at the gym. I know my blood sugar was also only 100 when I started which is lower than I like. Then I had to stop working out so the guy would stop with the questions. He wanted permission to pet Duchess when her vest does say my response which is no. I need Duchess very focused on my blood sugars during my working out. For example last night my CGM said 125 but I was actually 70. Then 20 minutes later it finally said I was 79. So my Dexcom does not do a good job of catching lows when I am exercising.

Duchess is my best asset when I am working out the good part of spending the past year working out I am now learning signs that I tend to notice when my blood sugar is dropping. I know with all the new people at the gym leaves me in a more vulnerable place. I know normally Duchess is not distracted but last night there was two people on both sides of me trying to distract her and they were succeeding in some ways. I know Duchess kept moving around and seemed to wander a bit away from me which I did not like. I know normally she is very focused but yesterday night I know it was difficult for her but thankfully she did alert me to my low regardless. I know the distractions made me stop in the middle of my workout twice which annoyed me greatly. I know I wish they read the patched because that is my answer. I know I wish I didn't have to depend on her so much but I really do.

Little Changes

I know recently I have been trying to do things differently. I know Duchess works so much and I want to make sure that I am doing enough for her. I know I do have two play times during the work day which she looks forward to each day. In fact she gets so excited because she know around what time we will be going outside to play ball. Duchess love playing ball and will do it for hours if I let her. She loves it like any lab would. I know with her love of play that making time for it really has made her seem to be more enthusiastic about going to work. The office for a service dog is incredibly boring and serious.  So I know making things more fun can be difficult. I know she already gets treats and quite toys for at work. I try to change up what treats she does have at work to keep in interesting.

I know our partnership has really changed over the past couple of years. I know she has been more cuddly and tends to be happier with several recent changes. Most of the changed I made our because I have spent almost the last year going to the gym after work which means she gets less down time in some ways. So I am trying to work on making other aspects more fun for Duchess so I get the time I need at the gym and Duchess gets what she needs from me. Keeping thing balanced has not always been easy but thankfully Duchess is pretty flexible. I know she now seems really to like going to the gym most nights but other times I can tell she is not that excited. I do try to give her more opportunity to earn extra treats while we are at the gym as well.

I know it is hard to believe next month I have been working out with higher intensity exercise for a year. I didn't doubt I would make it but it really has been challenging. I know needed Duchess to make it though the adjustment period of time where I was still working on reducing lows while exercising which is not easy but I have so much better at handling it as it comes. I know Duchess has really stepped and up can alert very early at times but most important normally catches the lows even with all the distractions. So I know I have enjoyed the new adjustments and have seen Duchess much happier. I am always working on ways to make both our lives easier.

Distractions and The Bad Pump Site

I know normally I tend to figure it out quickly if I do have a bad pump site but this past weekend I was in a very full theater seeing a movie with friends. There was a great deal of distractions and noise. I was trying to enjoy my friends company but I then noticed my CGM had a side arrow aiming up. So I bolused. I checked 20 minutes later still going up.

So I decided to test to see if a little more insulin would help. I bolused a small amount. I check back in 20 minutes and still moving up and quickly now one arrow straight up. I had not eaten anything in the past two hours so I was surprised to see the up arrow. I decided to inject a unit to see if my site was bad. Sure enough nothing happened. So I pull out my site injected a correction and sure enough it started to come back down slowly. I ended up spending most of the movie checking my Animas vibe frequently to make sure that I was actually coming down. I was able to enjoy my movie but I felt quite irritated that I was constantly checking.

I know the past couple of weeks I have a big issues when I see a higher blood sugar. I am not handling it well and it is making me feel a little defeated even though I know it will happen. I know you can't control your diabetes but only manage it. So I was doing my best on Saturday but I know that I can't make my diabetes wait till the end of the movie. I also know I can't make it wait till I want to deal with it.

It seems like my diabetes always has a way of popping up when it wants and making things more complicated. The good part is that my bolus was correct for the correction and I ended up not being low and bouncing back up. So even though it was a disruption at least I did figure it out. I know normally I am better about making decisions to pull my infusion set but with all the distractions it was a little more difficult. I normally catch on sooner but I know this time it seemed to elude me. I know Duchess did alert during the process as well and see alerted me to the change before my Dexcom even started to alarm. So that did help me to at least know I needed to keep monitoring my blood sugars.

Thankfully my friends are used to seeing my monitor my blood sugars but one friend did notice my irritation with why it was going up. I know they all seemed to be understanding that I need to monitor it so my blood sugars would not soar upward. I know I did not want my diabetes to be a factor but at times it will be. Regardless if I want things to be ore not my diabetes sadly does not disappear because I am wanting to watch a movie with friends.

Funny Noises at The Right Moment

I know at work there has been constant changes and some really great things as well. With all these changes they decided to have a quarterly meeting with all the departments that overseen by the Director. There has been some sections that were added to our team recently so we had a pot luck with Texas BBQ. I know after our barbeque we had to attend a meeting to address some up coming changes in the future they will finally be rolling out a new system which is great because the system reminds me of DOS in some ways. So they are preparing for the new system and we are giving input for what we will need. So they were reviewing the time line for the launch of the new system which is still almost two years away.

I know Duchess has always had a way of making very serious things less serious at times. I know on numerous occasions she will make weird noises during meetings. She has this perfect timing for the noises as well. During the presentation she made this really long almost grumble sound. The funny part is the director look at the person presenting and says is your stomach a little upset from lunch. I know the whole room was laughing and told the director that Duchess decided to throw in some comic relief into our meeting. I think we all were laughing for several minutes. I know working in Accounting things are very serious at times so we all need things to lighten the mood at times. Leave it to Duchess to getting the whole room laughing this is not the first time and I am sure it won't be the last. I know these moments in particular she reminds me how fun having her around can be.

I know I think I can get so wrapped up at times and miss the good parts if I am not careful and Duchess has her ways of reminding of what is really important. I know I could not have a better partner than her. She keeps me laughing in the midst of the chaos at times. I am really surprised how fast the time is flying bye.

Bad Start But Great End of Day

I know yesterday was a rough day with lows. I know I was on my way home and I was trying to decide if it was better to stay home and rest or go to the gym. So I actually went to the gym to work out as normal. I did not actually have a low while working out which was great and I actually stayed very level the rest of the night. I did have two people who approached me about petting Duchess but after the rough day I really needed her to focus on me while I am working out. I know for the average person they probably have no idea how fast my blood sugars can drop and how dangerous things can be come. So I was very polite when I told them that she was working and that it would distract her from her job. I know these two people just joined the gym and I am sure had no idea she was a service dog. So I spent yesterday education others while trying to exercise at the same time.

Then just as I was in my last two minutes on the last machine I was using a woman comes running up and put her hand out. Thankfully I was able to get her to stop before she started to pet her. I know how exciting it can be when they are their but I also know that I need her focused. Duchess thankfully watched me closely last night and really stayed focus even though the general public was making that even more difficult for her. I have to say I don't usually mind questions but when I am working out I like to focus on the exercise. I tend to be an overly focused person at times and especially when I am working out. I do listen to music but normally my goal is to get in and out as quickly as possible with as little lows as possible. So I know I like to just work out without interruptions if possible. If my friends were at the gym I wouldn't mind chatting.

The best part of the last night is that I had one low but I did temp basal which left me in the 150's the rest of the night which I was fine with after yesterday. So far today is much better and I feel better that I did go to the gym. I know working out has become such a big part of my routine that I find it difficult to miss going to the gym except when I am sick. So I was relieved that I was able to get what I needed done and today my blood sugars are really mellow so I am guessing that the exercise did some good in helping me to get back on track.

Some Days the Roller Coast Effect Can Be Tough

Some days I know will be rough and today so far has been. I made the mistake of taking a phone call late last night even though I should have been going to bed. I stayed up way later than I was planning too. Then my low blood sugars started and continued on and off all night long. I did make adjustments this morning to my night basals. I know I have been going to the gym and since I was so ramped up from the Adrenaline rush I had from sky diving I worked out harder than I was planning too. I normally can handle this but with all the other stuff it made today a lot more difficult. I know that the less sleep I get the more lows. Today has been a tough morning because my pump keeps say please prime after I added a new cartridge and changed my tubing as I normally would. This is the most annoying part of having the Animas Vibe is the prime thing which I experienced more frequently with the Animas Ping. So far it has not happened as often with the Vibe.

The lows were not so bad but I did get into a little bit a mental fog with one low which took me a while to figure out I was low. I did become disoriented but thankfully I was able to get my sugar up after deciding to eat lunch early. Thankfully I do have snacks at my desk and juice in my fridge to help with these lows. Duchess was trying to alert but I know when I get foggy headed she can get frustrated with me and my lack of response. I did get things back up but now I am rebounding because everyone keep trying to get me to eat more which I didn't need which is now causing me to bounce up and possibly drop down later. I know most of the time I don't have days like that but I am hoping that I can get things back on track. I know I do better when I treat my own lows instead of people trying to help because the don't understand the rebound effect. I do appreciate the help though.