Feelings About Bad Lows

I know I have been thinking a great deal of interesting change for me personally. I know normally I live with the fears of lows constantly worrying when and if they show up. Recently I feel very it is what it is. I am not sure why but I am not scared I am just doing as much as I can by exercising and other things to prevent bad lows I feel like I am doing my best so I am not as fearful. I do worry about myself not being scared to death of this happening. I know fear wakes me up and seems to spur me into action but not having that as much now concerns me. I know at times I do feel differently about bad lows or lows in general.

I know with me having less of them recently it seems to create for me this sense of I got this when mostly likely I don't have it covered. Trying to prevent bad lows is something with Hypoglycemia Unawareness is extremely difficult and not easy. So I am really surprised I honestly feel this way when I know my past experiences. I also know living on edge because of fear is not good either. I just want a healthy balance of both. I know my most recent incident that ended me up in the emergency room has really not caused me to feel this overwhelming fear and embarrassment but instead I feel like this is just part of my life.

Lows have run my life for so long that I feel like I should feel more than I do right now but I feel very accomplished because I have found new ways to help prevent lows. I know as I continue to work on my lows that their is always risks running my Alc lower but I also know that I want to have a high quality of life. Getting more complications is what I am trying my best to avoid. I will always be scared of the next bad situation but I am over feeling bad about things happening. I am tired of apologizing because of my Diabetes and tired of the embarrassment that it can cause when lows arise. I feel like I need to realize that my Diabetes will always makes things difficult but I should not have to apologize when I know I have done the best I can. I am trying to come to grips with that not all lows can be prevented. I know I need to prepare myself for my next visit with my family. They always blame me for it happening when not all things can be prevented.

Struggling with Stress

I have been very fortunate over the past couple of weeks for the most part to of slept well even though things are getting stressful. Right now my stress is through the roof I have been working for months to get certain required documentation turned in. I am still chasing people but getting closer to being done. So I am trying to get through this period with as little issue as possible. Stress really can cause me chaos. So I have been doing well so far but this week the night time lows are driving me insane. I have reduced the basal rates for overnight everyday this week with not real results. I even lowered some and ran temp basals at the beginning of the night. I am hoping to get this taken care of tonight so I can sleep more at night. The Dexcom is driving me crazy because alarms every 20 minutes does not equal the ability to sleep during the night. I have not really increased my workouts this week in fact last night I did my normal and still more lows. I am hoping I can get things sorted out so that this coming weekend I can sleep instead of being woken up constantly.

I know even Duchess looks really worn out because of the Dexcom going off constantly. I know that once I am through this week my stress levels should drop slightly I will be extremely busy but not as much as in the past three years. I am really hoping to avoid bad lows and such this week. I have been running a little higher in the mornings and lower in the afternoon. The hard part is that adjustments do not work well when its stress related. So I am trying my best to just get through this last push and then I will be in better place to handle all the stress I am currently struggling with.

Conversations About Diabetes

I was going to get a pedicure on Saturday. I know some people say pedicures are bad but I do check out how the tools and chairs are cleaned and so forth to make sure it is done appropriately. This place uses disposable liners on the tubs of the chairs which is quite helpful as well. So I was waiting in line and picking out my color when a man approached to ask about Duchess. I think he said it must be wonderful having a helper. I said yes it does especially with my medical conditions. He asked what conditions are meaning. I mentioned she told me when I was low or high blood sugars and also knew before I would have seizures. So he mentioned his daughter was diagnosed as an adult with Type 1. So he asked more about Duchess. I told him about what she does and how she was trained. I know he was surprised by this. He had never heard of a Diabetic Alert dog before.

I sat down to start soaking my feet for a while. Next thing I know the gentleman was seated next to me he was getting a pedicure and his wife her nails done. We talked more about the latest Diabetes related studies. He told me as a parent he worried a great deal about his daughter. I know he mentioned she had anorexia at one point. I mentioned to him that is not uncommon for a Diabetic because we count and learn so much about nutrition that you can turn this information in you worst enemy of sorts. I know I had exercise anorexia. I would eat very little but would become overly obsessed with exercise. I know he mentioned that his daughter did much the same as me. I would exercise several times a day for several hours a day. Exercise is good but in moderation normally. So I do have to watch myself closely with going back to the gym regularly now.

Then we talked about CGM's and Insulin pumps. The interesting thing is that my person giving me a pedicure was a type 2 diabetic. So the conversation was all Diabetes. The man had never seen an insulin pump or CGM before. He thought pumps were in the body but I explained how it actually works. We talked about the Bionic Pancreas study and the latest study about encapsulated insulin cells. He said he had never learned so much. His daughter used shots but loved running so I was explaining how beneficial an insulin pump can be during events like these. I mentioned I am aiming to run a half marathon. I think he was surprised but impressed I was willing to work that hard. It was such a nice discussion between parents, type 1 and a type 2 diabetic. We all are waiting for the same thing a cure or better treatment options. I know it affects everyone in a family. I know it really does help when you have supportive members of your family being your cheer leading session. I also shared with them about the Diabetic online community as well.

How Fun It Must Be To Take Your Dog

There is a great deal of time I hear constantly from the general public how great it must be to take your service dog with you. In my mind I know how difficult it is. I know I can go to a store regularly but one day a a different employee is there and that can be enough for a public access issue to happen. Some days I have to worry about the heat, cold or in general the weather. I always have dog boots, rain coat, water and dog bowls. I usually carry a bag of dog food in case I get stuck  some where longer than I was planning. I have to balance her working hours with her downtime. I have to worry about her safety constantly such as shopping carts. People are really careless in grocery stores and like to run over Duchess feet at times. I do my best to block the carts with my body. I also have to worry about who is trying to pet Duchess she turns off like a light switch with too much attention so I need to be careful.

I also worry about if it is raining that I have dried Duchess feet as much as possible when going into a store. I continually worry about what little kids are going to do. I have had way too many kids be incredibly mean to Duchess from pulling harshly on her tail or hitting her. Mind you Duchess is doing nothing when all this is happening. It is really sad how well behaved she is compared to most children these days. I also worry a great deal about how here experiences are when we are at the grocery store. These days Duchess hates going to big grocery store we got to because she has been hit by carts or people are constantly causing issues. I know people do not give me much room when in the grocery store which makes things difficult.

I know I really wish people understood is a great deal of work to keep Duchess safe and happy. I spend a great deal of time with training, and trying to keep her experiences as positive as possible. I know a great deal of experiences in one type of store could create issues for me being able to take Duchess with me. I know everyone tells me Duchess looks upset when at the grocery store. I know I do not like it myself. So I am sure she feels the same way too. I know our grocery store have smaller aisles so getting around is difficult for both of us. I really wish people understood it is not fun but just necessary for Duchess to be with me.I also get asked very personal questions which the general public thinks I need to answer.

I do not answer the questions and leave it at my dog is a medical alert dog. So I don't have to disclose my medical condition to all the people around me. I think as a very shy person it is not easy and I know Duchess tends to pick up on my irritation from being asked those questions. So I leave things very simple and very vague so I feel like I still have my privacy.

Work Changes Have Allowed Room For Personal Growth

I have so loved the many changes at work. Since their has been a great deal of upper management changes has lead to more improvements for the people in my departments. Such as this morning I went on a tour of part of campus with its history of where I work. There is great deal of historic buildings etc where I work. So I was pleased to be able to join in on a tour after being where I work after five years of being here. they plan once a quarter to have activities for the employee's which I think is wonderful. I know I like to be able to leave my desk occasionally to do activities. I know Duchess loved this mornings activities quite a bit as well. All the recent changes have really impacted my life in a great deal of ways. Like right now being able to work only during the week and not on the weekends has really improved my quality of life.

It also has allowed me the time to focus more on what I need and what improvements I need to make in my own life. Last three years I have always been so busy working overtime it felt like I had no life. So to be able to finally make enough and to finally work towards some goals I personally have. This is really amazing to me to finally be on the right track to getting some things done that I have always wanted to achieve. I have been doing really well with running on the treadmill so far and I will start running outdoors once it starts to cool down a bit at night. It is way too hot for me to run in the evening so I have to settle for the treadmill until that point. So I am making progress. I am running a little longer each day and rotating doing various machines. I know I have been working on getting more and more endurance as I go.

I am really enjoying the process so far. I am not sure if I will make it to doing a half marathon but its worth a try. I know I am extremely determined and I really stick with my exercise routines so I know I can achieve a great deal with my mindset. So now it is just making sure that I do it safely.

Face Book Post

I was viewing a friends Face Book status and they posted the 7 Cardinal Rules For Life.
I was reading through it and found some of the things I was doing that I should not be. One of the one's I have the most issue with is the first one. I let my past ruin things in a great deal of ways. Such as I know I have complications and will forever be judged for it even though I did the best I can. So I just need to remind myself I did the best I could at the time. I know I have made a great deal of mistakes and I know I need to forgive myself for them. The weird thing is that I can forgive others for their mistakes but my personal mistakes I seem to really struggle with. I know in the grand scheme of things doing things like not forgiving yourself for a really bad Diabetes day of highs when I know full well there are so many factors that can affect your blood sugars it is not fair to be so hard on myself at times. I know we all have bad days.

I also know I care way too much about what people think of me or how they view me. I know because I have Duchess this is more of an issue now because she tends to attract a great deal of attention. I am a very shy person who is very private person who honestly take a while to get to know. So to deal with all this attention on interactions with not always the best people. I know recent experience at the grocery store. Do you know your service dog hates her job she has her tail tucked. I told the lady she loves her job but she hates the grocery store because people run there carts into her or she gets hit by young children on occasion. So I know after those experiences how much would you enjoy going to the grocery stores. I really don't enjoy going to the grocery store either. I hear so many negative things from others it can really interfere with you being happy. I know if I don't like where a conversation is going with a stranger I keep on walking. Who needs more negativity or bad attitudes from strangers. I know I don't. I am doing less interacting when at all possible in general because it makes it easier for me to feel like I am normal like everyone else.

I know I also over think a great deal of things at work and in life in general. I know I torture myself way too much worrying and trying solve every issue. I have made some progress on that recently in when I had my  bad low and I did not continually go over and over the incident in my head. It was quite refreshing to just move on from it. I know I am working on these things because I know in the long run it will be better for me. I am such a type A personality it can be hard to change some of these things but I know it is possible. I also know that now I get more time for myself I am now able to spend more time working on things in my life. I know I need to let go of some bad patterns because I work incredibly hard right now at my job, my diabetes, and new adventures which takes a great deal of patience and focus. Hoping to improve my life one step at a time.

Expected Response

I normally don't meet the people I assist where I work. So it was a nice surprise to meet one yesterday. I was in my bosses office and I had given Duchess a bone so she was at my desk eating her bone. So after a while I knew she would reappear. I always find that most people feel better if I train dogs instead of it being mine. I know the response of the contact was pretty normal. I expect it honestly. I don't want people to feel sorry for me but I just want them to understand that I am able to work because I have Duchess. My life is so much better with her because I don't have to worry about going low and not feeling it and losing hours of time. This has happened in the past. Life is also safer for example the time I had seizures at work and other moments of scary as I like to call them.

I know people tend to be surprised by how hard I work and how much I accomplish I guess because I am dealing with a disability. I think for me the most important thing is letting people know that my disability does not stop me but it just makes things more complicated. I know I wish more people understand I can do almost everything I did previously with some adjustments. I guess its hard to know that a person you assist through email and calls frequently could be disabled or have obstacles. I know every person has personal obstacles and other issues so I am no different. The only difference is that mine is noticeable where previously it was not as noticeable. So  I know when the contact asked me questions I left things very vague but said she was my medical alert dog. I said she made my life so much easier and that she keep me safe. I guess it is a lot to take in when you have an image in your head of what the person on the other line is like.

I know I am healthy, happy and very normal but have a sidekick named Duchess. I will never feel bad that I have her because she gave me my life back which is priceless.

Hoping Things Have Changed

I have been getting very irritated with using my Dexcom because it has been really off at time especially the first three days of use. I know since I have been working out that my legs are becoming more muscular as I do start training for my next adventure. I knew this would start to cause issues after a couple months of exercise. The issue now is that my stomach and arms need to work for me at this point I can use my lower back, stomach and arms possibly. About 6 months ago I tried using my stomach with major issues and I hoping the past six months is enough to allow me the option of using my stomach. That is one of the few place I can use at this point.

I know with me exercising more I am relying more and more on my Dexcom just to let me know if I am moving up or down. Last night for example I was at the gym and Duchess alerts me. I check my Dexcom it says I am 127 with an arrow straight across. So I check I was 68. It took another ten minutes after I treated my low for my Dexcom to even acknowledge I was moving down. This actually is really becoming common for me the past couple of weeks. I am frustrated but I know it won't help because my own body is too blame. My body has never really loved the sensors and has always been some what off but the better shape I get the worse the results.

With my next adventure is imperative that it works efficiently for me. I know when I am running I really don't notice I am going low and in fact tend to speed up when I was going low. I know that seems strange but my body just keeps pushing forward most of the time. So I am hoping that the other sites will work better than last time I tried. I know my current sensor keeps saying I'm high when I am not and lows it is 30 minutes after I treat which is not helpful for me or my Dr. Thankfully I know if I can find a good area to use again. I like what Dexcom offers but it can be so frustrating at times when I really need it to work.

Excited About The Changes Now and to Come

Everything around me has changed so drastically since June of this year. I almost can't believe how much. I know with the recent management changes I have been able to have more time off from work. It feel very odd to not work every weekend and not be panicked about year end. I also get to enjoy the nice summer days which is something I normally do not get to experience over the past three years. So I am overjoyed that I feel like I am getting my life back again. I know these changes have allowed me to be happier and more content with my life in general. It also made me realize that I have been so busy that I have been ignoring dreams and goals I have had. I am so happy I am working out regularly and getting to challenge myself further. I know I needed this but in the past I was so stressed I honestly was thankful to just get through the day. I know now I look forward to so much more and I am finding great joy in things I have not enjoyed in the past couple of years.

I know I have doubted myself in a great deal of ways in the past couple of years because of bad lows but recently even with my recent event for the first in a couple of years I feel like myself again. The happy, energetic and fun person I loved being. I know I had a friend comment recently that I was very dauntless she said I make these scary events look easy and I never show any fear. I know I do but most of the time she is right I rarely let people ever see my vulnerable sides, and my fears. I know she has seen a great deal of the bad but she thinks I can handle almost anything especially after my Retinopathy diagnosis and my ability to keep my 20/20 vision was the best outcome. I know I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself for perfection. I know that is not a very good thing but I know it also kept my vision what it is today. I know I work so hard and that in a great deal of ways I have accomplished more than I ever dreamed of.

I know I still think about my life before complications but I now realize that my life in still incredibly wonderful and fun. I was so busy trying to stay safe I did not look at the big picture that I could still do everything I used but now just in a different way. I am so happy that I am not going to let Diabetes stop me but I am instead going to challenge it instead. I work so hard I might as well enjoy what life is giving me. I know I have been so blessed to meet so many wonderful people who inspire me. I know Karen inspired me further on my journey back to running. Great job on your 5K Karen. I know I think any accomplishment with Diabetes is a win. I now know I need to change my outlook to reflect that. Looking forward to many more wonderful changes to come.

Exciting Times

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from my Endocrinologist office. The office is now working to make sure all patients that have been on insulin over 25 years get their medals from Lilly Journey Awards. They give a bronze medal for all type 1 Diabetics on insulin for 25 years.  A silver medal for 50 years and a gold medal for 75 years. I had never heard of the medals until I got the letter yesterday. It is nice to honor all the people who have spent so much time managing a disease that has never been easy for so many.

It is strange after opening the letter that evening then I have strange dreams afterwards. I know it was weird last night I had dreams about a really bad low where I did not have enough energy to walk to the kitchen to get juice so I crawled to the kitchen. It probably took me 20 minutes to get to the fridge and get the juice I wanted so badly. The weird part of this low is that I had stuff to treat lows in my room but I just had to have juice. I know I had juice for many years growing up to treat lows so I guess I go back there from time to time. These days unless I get the weird urge for juice I really don't use it to treat very many lows these days. I thought the timing of the dream was interesting but it also gave me a great deal to reflect back upon. A couple years ago things were much more chaotic and scary. Thankfully I am now pushing my self to run and expand my exercise further.

I know I feel like I am heading in the right direction the more I see improvements in a great deal of Diabetes related items. I actually felt a low which was strange to me it was a really light twitching but really freaked me out because I am so used to no feeling of lows at all except the occasional occurrence. I have seen my night time blood sugar start to mellow out and have less lows over night as well. I have seen increased awareness of lows earlier if I do notice them. I get a foggy thought process which I seem to clue into a times. I am hoping that my aspiration of a half marathon will only further help me to continually improve my health.



http://www.lillydiabetes.com/Pages/lilly-diabetes-journey-awards.aspx 

Lilly Diabetes Journey Awards Application and Information

Finally Settling Down

I am finally seeing a major shift back to more stable blood sugars. The affects of the predisone seems to be dwindling as time goes on. I can now bolus again from my pump for meals and not inject manually the dosage and if under a unit use my pump. I really missed being able to just dial it in over the past couple of months. I have also seen at night where my blood sugars are not up and down all night but instead is very level like 85 all night which is what I used to see all time. While I was on predisone I was seeing a surge up and then a large drop twice a night. Other times I was running in the 140's all night which is not terrible.

I know Duchess is now alerting less during the day which is a really nice break for her. She was really looking tired after several month of predisone. The affects of predisone were not fun but I do feel blessed that I was able to start exercising again sooner because I was able to feel better. I know my exercise in a great deal of ways helps me to be more focused and also reduce my stress. Which is difficult because work in general where I work is incredibly stressful.

So glad to see things calming down again and hopefully continued success with  less lows. Right now I am having very few lows and even during exercise I have gotten more successful with avoid lows most of the time. That is a huge accomplishment for me. The longer I do it the more creative I get and the better it seems to work. I know I can't always do the same things as others but I know I am getting their.

New Things to Try

I had the honor to receive a copy of the cook book "Sweet Debbie's Organic Treats" from Debbie Adler. She runs a highly successful business in LA since 2006. I have tried two recipes so far from the book and loved both.

            

The Recipe I tried was the Blueberry Strueusel Donut Holes. I like the fact they were incredibly moist and not too overly heavy. Debbie's Recipe has a special flour mixture she used which I know made a big difference in how this recipe turned out when I made them at home. I could not find the coconut nectar in my area so I had to order from Amazon which does carry it. In order to test the recipe sooner I used agave instead of the coconut nectar but had to add more water because the agave is much thicker than the coconut nectar would be. I just adjusted the water amount as I mixed the ingredients until it was a soft dough. If you use the coconut nectar there will be no need for adjustments. The overall taste of the donut holes were great they were not too heavy but still like a donut hole would normally be. I enjoyed the fact that I did not have any blood sugar spikes and the recipes do have the Carbohydrates listed which made for easier dosing. The recipe would be great for type 2 Diabetics as well with it being lower carbohydrates and sugar.

I have included the recipe below. I will also provide the recipe for the flour mixture as well.

 

Flour Mix will make more than needed for this receipe but can be stored for future use.

Instructions for flour use.

 I loved the two recipes I have tried so far. I will try to make more recipes in the next couple of weeks and share them with you. I love the chocolate cookie recipe I tried and the flour mixture that she uses for her recipes is not only healthy but also really makes for a great tasting deserts and breads. I know I love the two recipes I have tried so far and looking forward to trying more as I have time. I am hoping you all enjoy the recipe like I have. Also if you are unable to find some of the flours I recommend Amazon they also have a large selection of gluten free flours at a reasonable price.You can find Debbie's book on Amazon and most book stores such as Barnes and Nobles.

Continued Improvements

Yesterday was a busy day at the office. We added new members to our team which will be assisting our department. I know this will hopefully help to keep the overtime like it currently is where I am working around 12-14 hours a week which is not bad. I know after many years of working six or seven days a week this is a much needed change. I know Duchess is much happier with this change as well because I know the moments of scary really affect her a great deal. So me being seizure free and not as bad period of constant lows has left me feeling a great deal better.

I have not had issues making it to wok on time because I am not having as many lows. I am not sure if that is because I am exercising or I am just getting better at adjustments or changes that need to be done to avoid the really bad stuff. I know this year has been much better so far than the past two years so I am beyond pleased and I know If I keep working at things I am hoping to avoid as really bad lows as possible but I know it is not fully possible to avoid all bad lows. So I am hoping with the changes at work I will have more time for me and for Duchess because honestly it can makes things miserable if you are working too much.

I have also noticed recently that I am doing better with my recovery from lows it has dropped dramatically the time it takes me to recover especially when I am at work. I know when I first started back to work I struggled greatly of after treating lows to get my body to stay in normal range. Thankfully I have been able to avoid that most days and have found that if I keep working things are continually improving.

Great Changes Over the Past Year

It has been such a different year for me this year I have done a great deal of things I never thought I would do. I have been very forthcoming on what I need at work and it has paid off for me. I have also been a little more up front of where I am at with my own family when it comes to my Diabetes the problem is that they are not very accepting of it at this point. I have been feeling like I am finally starting to understand exercise and my Hypoglycemia Unawareness and I have had fewer days with lows and if they happen they are at the tail end of my exercise which is an outstanding improvement. I have accomplished so much in numerous ares of my life but I have not been very happy. I guess a couple months ago I said to myself that I thought I would not be able to run a half marathon. I guess because I gave up it really made me unhappy. I have been discussing things with my family about how much I want to do it and looks like I am going to go for it.

Life is way to short to no to continually try to achieve your dreams and I honestly don't want my Diabetes to win. I know without the support of my medical team I would not be event trying this and I know if I had not mentioned it at my last appointment they would not have shared what they did. I always recommend running these issues by your Dr.'s because you might be really surprised by what they tell you. I know I just want to feel like I was doing something nice for myself. I do not do enough for myself most of the time. I normally and helping friends or family with issues. I feel like this is a time in my life I need this for me.

I know this will be a great deal of learning for me as I train but I know I can do it. I know this will be good for Duchess as well. I will need to figure out how I can do this but I know it is possible. I have started running and plan to continue to train. I guess we will see where it takes me and what I learn along the way. i honestly have been getting bored in some ways with the same old so I guess it time to add more challenges to my life. I at times really do well with pushing myself to do more. Hoping that I can continually achieve great things and not doubt myself like I was previously.

Recent Article From Insulin Nation

I have been struggling after my recent low. Not because of what happened but because of the negative song and dance from the Dr. at the hospital. I know I was not ready to share this until now. I know normally when I go in they advise me to make adjustments and see my Endocrinologist to follow up which I have done. This Dr. told me that the low should have not happened and I need to work on this issue. I told the Dr. I have Hypoglycemia Unawareness and I told him a great deal of patients with this have increased lows normally. I know from a great deal of people I have meet with Hypoglycemia Unawareness it is like some one turned on a water hose and you can't turn it off. I know I work very hard to keep myself safe but this is an issue of several factors increasing the odds of having a bad low. I know I was just upset at his response of not commenting after I explained my medical history. I know the Dr. seems to think that all Diabetics can avoid lows and it is easy to control. I know mine has never been easy even as a child so why would it be easy now.

The Dr. kept insisting that I need to figure out a way to avoid this at all costs and that I was basically wasting his time. I know I am not perfect but it was insulting on all levels that he treated me so badly when I do the best I can. I am always trying to do the best I can. The Dr. did not see me during the worst part of my Hypoglycemia Unawareness which was the beginning and things were extremely scary. I know they thought this was a bad low but it was not. I know I did my best to explain that my condition has involved seizures since I was little in fact a month after diagnosis was my first. So once I explained that my Diabetes has always been difficult the Dr. finally started to lay off your a bad Diabetic routine. I know I don't need to be told I was lucky that people were around or that I need to be more careful. I know the risks involved with insulin after my 34 years of experience.

I know I don't need a guilt trip because I always feel incredibly guilty, ashamed and upset at the time. I don't need a person who has never been a Diabetic and spewing information you read in medical school when it is not always correct. Diabetes is and will always be challenging but I don't need physicians making it more difficult for me to deal with. I know I wish I could avoid them completely but this year I have done better than last year and the year before. I have been seizure free over a year and half. I think I am doing better. I know my friends all wish they had known what to do because we would have avoided this whole situation. Advocating for one self after low was incredibly difficult but was handled pretty well by me because after the low I really cranky and tired. I have attached an article from Insulin Nation on another Diabetics shaming experience by an EMT.

http://insulinnation.com/treatment2/the-ambulance-of-shame/

This Is My Life

I had dinner last night with a friend who was the one who took me to the ER that Saturday at the movie night. It can be overwhelming for me to have to review what happened but also to see who responded and who choose to just leave. I know my friend needed help to get me out to the car and into the ER but only one or two offered to help. I know I followed instructions as I was given which is not unusual for me during a bad low. My friend said since she had not seen as much of me she was a little foggy on what to do. I know I have written instructions for at work but not in my purse. I know she had wish she had know that the glucagon was in my purse normally. She said she would have used it to treat the low and once I was able to come to she would have taken me to a restaurant nearby that offered gluten free food until I had my blood sugar level instead of the ER. I know hindsight is always twenty twenty. Thankfully my friend is calm during emergencies. So this was not very difficult but for the other person who was their they were freaking out the whole time.

I know it is so hard to know that your Diabetes was the cause of all the commotion and that you are putting friends through a great deal. I will always feel so guilty for what has happened for a great deal of time afterwards. I think I always will but I also wish that I did not need to constantly apologize when I am doing the best I can with where I am at. I guess I will work on instructions in case something happens. I showed my friend my Glucagon kit in my purse last night. She said she remembers it from that night. I am sure she feels bad not knowing but honestly I hope most of my friends never have to deal with this kind of situation with me but the booklet I will put in my purse could help in a situation like that Saturday night. I also showed her how the glucagon works and that there is also a phone app as well in case you forget. I know most people love the pictures in the glucagon when emergencies arise. I feel really bad but I don't feel like I need to apologize for my Diabetes this is sadly a part of my life weather I like it or not.

So I am going to work with my friend on this creation which I will also have at work as well. Always good to have numerous instructions people can choose from. It was good to reveiw things with my friends but it also reveals the moments of scary that I experience. It also gives them a inside look into how complicated my life is at times and how fast things can change.

Struggle to Get Insulin Shipped

It seems recently that my insurance company becomes more and more difficult to deal with. I am now officially listed as having a drug allergy to Humalog which makes sense after breaking out in hives back when my issues first started. I got an exception to use Novolog which is same insulin type but different manufacturer. So I had to call into my insurance after a message was left yesterday stating they won't fill my prescription because I would be allergic to Novolog as well. I told them because they are different manufactures that I believed that is why I am able to use it as well. I know in the I can take penicilin but I am unable to Biaxin which is penicillin but causes me hives and rashes. So I figure they way drugs are processed can cause me issues. The interesting thing is that when I am on Novolog no issues which seemed to astonish the pharmacist. She that was not possible. I said it is possible and seems to be a growing issue for my body at times. I know my body does not seem to function like most Diabetics and I hear it from my Dr. frequently as well. I told the pharmacist to call my Dr. and she would go over the whole allergy issues with her but the pharmacist finally agreed to fill my prescription.

I know it has been such a struggle to even get insulin from my insurance that is not Humalog. Hoping next year when I have to file for an exception that they understand that I can't take Humalog. I find it interesting that because they bid out the drugs to companies that Humalog which is notoriously more expensive than Novolog was the choosen Insulin. I know it is very commonly used but when you are me this creates issues. Hoping from now on I can just order online and they just ship my insulin without trying to get out of covering my insulin. I swear what is the cheapest is not right for all patients and they seem to ignore that more and more frequently. I called my Dr. office they called the local CVS which they have a prescription on file with this morning asking that they fill it today because I was having issues with my mail order. The pharmacist said he would have no issues getting it filled today. They also promised no reviewing my Drug allergies again. I am not in the mood to go over it agin.

Considering Something I Thought I Would Never Do

I know a great deal of people will think I lost my mind. I am considering possibly running a half marathon in the next year or two. I know I could do it with a great deal of planning. I know my Endocrinologist is encouraging me if that is what I want to do. I know I need to get my Rheumatologist permission first as well. I think I can do it but I also know that would be most the challenging thing I would have done as Diabetic especially with Hypoglycemia Unawareness. I know I have not talked much about the fact that I come from a family of runners. I have always enjoyed running and my father was a marathon runner. I know he would be incredibly proud if I could figure it out. I am not sure if I will make it that far but I know I would enjoy the challenge of it all even it could do a 10K that would be great too. I know I am ready to try more challenging things. I know I have seen others do it and I figure why can't I as well.

I know I have noticed that since I have been doing more rigorous exercise there has been a great deal of good things happening. My lows don't have the same effect and the lows do not last as long. I know I have also noticed that my vitamin Deficiencies have disappeared as well. So I think I am on the right track. So I am going to start slow by running for a while and increasing it as a go over a years period of time. It might take me two years to get their but could really be worth it. It might take me a lot less time but I guess I would have to see because I have never run over 7 miles previously. So this would be a learning experience. I am sure there would be a great deal of challenges but I know my Endocrinologist said they could even come up with a plan for me it would be more challenging than other patients in the past but they said was do able.

I am not sure if I am going to do it but I am really starting to consider it. I know the biggest thing is that I don't want my Hypoglycemia Unawareness to win instead I would like to be able to find a way around the issues and still be able to do everything I want to do. I know its possible.

Realizing I'm Human

I have been thinking recently in some ways I am way too tough on myself. I know I am way too critical and I am working on getting the bad messages from previous Dr.'s out of my mind. It will take me some time to get rid of the old baggage of sorts. I know first hand that most Dr.'s meant well but they were highly unsuccessful in many ways because of the messages they were using. I know now that these messages still bother me today. I am thankful that I have a wonderful team supporting me through all my rough spots. I know my Dr. did not pass judgement on my recent incident that happened she thought it was related to stress like I was thinking. I know all too well I don't handle stress well in anyway.

I know this time I did not want to do a play by play and my physician understood I was not ready to do so. She said she thought there was most likely several factors involved and that driving myself crazy trying to solve why in this case was not the best idea. She gets that I am a type A and these things drive me crazy. I want to solve all issues on my own. I think this time I am done rehashing things but I did do basal changes before my appointment and she did a couple more. So I think we have it covered.

 I like that my Dr. does not blame me what happened but gets that normally when things happen for me it has several factors that contributed to the bad lows. I know if I am not sleeping well I make time to catch up if possible, staying hydrated, keeping lows to a minimum seems to help avoid bad lows. I try my best but I realized I cannot expect more than just doing my best. At the end of the day I am human and even with years of experience I can make mistakes. I can also do everything right and still end up with a bad lows so for now I am just going to focus on the fact that I had very little changes done to my pump settings. I am thankful that I do the best that I can and know that Hypoglycemia Unawareness is the most difficult issues I have ever dealt with as a Diabetic.