I was thinking about my last bad low in September today and I realized quite a few things. I have a habit through out all my years as a diabetic to apologize profusely anytime I have a bad low. I am always filled with such embarrassment but also a huge feeling of regret that someone else had to feel the burden of taking care of me during these scary times. Most of the people who have experienced these scary lows with me have always been so nice about it when I am apologizing over and over again.
I know regardless of what caused the low it will never be easy to deal with the feelings that come with it. I know I hate the fact that at times I have needed help over the years but I know it happens. I am always thankful for the help and the caring of the people around me. I guess being a diabetic has so many sides and it is never easy. I am not sure why I always so weighed down by these experiences. I know weeks after bad lows or seizures It always seems to haunt me in many ways. I know my mind tends to focus on the need to know what caused the bad low.
I always feel guilty after the bad lows even though I know that you can't always prevent these types of lows. I know there is normally so many factors that can play a role in these bad lows. I always try my best to find answers when possible. I know I am always trying to avoid these lows. I know today I was some lows that were not really going away and it always brings back these not so fun feelings. I still feel bad that my roommate had to help me over the past couple of months and I am not sure I will ever not feel guilty afterwards.
I know regardless of what caused the low it will never be easy to deal with the feelings that come with it. I know I hate the fact that at times I have needed help over the years but I know it happens. I am always thankful for the help and the caring of the people around me. I guess being a diabetic has so many sides and it is never easy. I am not sure why I always so weighed down by these experiences. I know weeks after bad lows or seizures It always seems to haunt me in many ways. I know my mind tends to focus on the need to know what caused the bad low.
I always feel guilty after the bad lows even though I know that you can't always prevent these types of lows. I know there is normally so many factors that can play a role in these bad lows. I always try my best to find answers when possible. I know I am always trying to avoid these lows. I know today I was some lows that were not really going away and it always brings back these not so fun feelings. I still feel bad that my roommate had to help me over the past couple of months and I am not sure I will ever not feel guilty afterwards.
That guilt is the worst and I definitely feel it too. It's part of the reason I was such a mess after I needed glucagon a couple months ago (and part of the reason I never blogged the details about it) - I was filled with such guilt and beating myself up. The lows are most definitely not our fault, but it's so hard to convince ourselves of that.
ReplyDeleteKaren so very true. It can be so easy to blame ourselves for so many things as diabetics. I know I am glad I can blog about the guilt and feelings because it helps to unload some of the weight I feel but it will never be easy.
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