Feeling More Motivated

I know recently back last month I was staring to give into my urge to skip going to the gym. I know I shouldn't because I have seen the benefits of going. Such as I now have less lows in general except for at night that is a constant battle. I also have noticed that I tend to have less upward arrows and less downward arrows on my CGM which is great. I also have noticed that I am less stressed and I tend to notice my lows sooner as well. I don't feel my lows but I at time notice changes when I am exercise which are at least a clue that something is off. I know it has been almost a year of working out at the gym. I know I was feeling really bored and not motivates as I have been. I know that I no longer have as many issues with waking up in the mornings and overall I have had less scary events so I know I need to continue to keep working out.

I know after my recent sky diving experience I am all of a sudden back to working out with a renewed vigor. I know I really loved my experience but that first Monday after my jump I was working out at a much faster pace and I have continued to do so continually. I guess it really was time time for an adrenaline rush. I know that after I have been pushing myself to do more and try new things which has given me the incentive to keep on going. I know I have been working out at least 5 days a week sometimes more which is great. I was going down to three or four days a week for a while and I know I needed to be doing at least five days a week. I tend to keep things a little more regulated if I work out more often.

I know I really enjoy less lows and also less need for assistance with lows but keeping up with the workout at times can be challenging. Most of the time I am very disciplined about keeping up with my workouts but when I get sick that always seems to throw me off track. Thankfully Duchess helps me in ways I never expected. Normally she is one who love a routine such as going to the gym because she is used to going on a regular basis. I have to say I also feel much better when I do get the workout done.

Perfectionism and Diabetes

I know as a Type 1 Diabetic things have never been easy. I also know that I make things more difficult for myself because of this need to strive for perfection. I know that it is not possible in any Diabetics life to achieve this but my mind disagrees even though I know I am wrong. I struggled for most of my time as a diabetic with the fact that if I saw a 200 or high blood sugar I was angry mad and disappointed with myself because I had failed I think I was around 6 years old at the time. I know it seems so very sad to think that way but I have been a perfectionist and so was my mother.

I know that wanting such goals that I have can create frustration, anxiety and other issues because they are not realistic. I know I tend to go overboard with things like weight loss which equaled my eating disorder in my teens and twenties. I know I am better now than I used to be but I still have to stop myself at times. The perfectionism can really cause you to get your down and anxious if you let it. I know I continually have to remind myself at times that things are not realistic and I need to set more realistic goals. I know that I do try to change my need to be a perfectionist but I also am aware you can only change so much. So I do continue to try and keep my perspective a little more healthy. These days I know I still struggle greatly with seeing high numbers but at least I am trying.

I know I will never be able to be where I want to be but I know that if I do the best I can that should be good enough especially with my Diabetes. Life is too short to get my self trapped in a cycle of unrealistic goals and mindset. I know all of perfectionist tend to struggle with other issues because of our own critical nature. So I know I will always have to fight with myself to keep me on the right path. I know today I feel good that I am not struggling with my eating disorder as much because I have worked so hard to change my mindset of how I view my body. I know I still have moments where I think if I lose another 10 pounds and then I realize that I get to points I don't want to stop losing weight.

I know I have experienced some good things from being a perfectionist such as reaching goals that others have not ever reached but also can lead me to being run down because I over estimated what I could do. So no matter if you perfectionist or not it is not easy but at least now I am doing better with not being so critical of myself. I think I still have some work to do but at least I realize it needs to be done. I read this article again recently and thought I would share it does give some good advice.

http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/managing-diabetes/emotional-health/perfectionism/

Gym and The Distractions

They gym recently has become incredibly distracting for Duchess. It seems the first of the year people who joined most of them do not show up any more so it has thinned out. I also noticed a whole bunch of new people who have joined and most of these people are trying to get Duchess attention while I am trying to work out or they are trying to start discussion about her when I have my headphones on. I don't like to talk when I was at the gym. I know my blood sugar was also only 100 when I started which is lower than I like. Then I had to stop working out so the guy would stop with the questions. He wanted permission to pet Duchess when her vest does say my response which is no. I need Duchess very focused on my blood sugars during my working out. For example last night my CGM said 125 but I was actually 70. Then 20 minutes later it finally said I was 79. So my Dexcom does not do a good job of catching lows when I am exercising.

Duchess is my best asset when I am working out the good part of spending the past year working out I am now learning signs that I tend to notice when my blood sugar is dropping. I know with all the new people at the gym leaves me in a more vulnerable place. I know normally Duchess is not distracted but last night there was two people on both sides of me trying to distract her and they were succeeding in some ways. I know Duchess kept moving around and seemed to wander a bit away from me which I did not like. I know normally she is very focused but yesterday night I know it was difficult for her but thankfully she did alert me to my low regardless. I know the distractions made me stop in the middle of my workout twice which annoyed me greatly. I know I wish they read the patched because that is my answer. I know I wish I didn't have to depend on her so much but I really do.

Little Changes

I know recently I have been trying to do things differently. I know Duchess works so much and I want to make sure that I am doing enough for her. I know I do have two play times during the work day which she looks forward to each day. In fact she gets so excited because she know around what time we will be going outside to play ball. Duchess love playing ball and will do it for hours if I let her. She loves it like any lab would. I know with her love of play that making time for it really has made her seem to be more enthusiastic about going to work. The office for a service dog is incredibly boring and serious.  So I know making things more fun can be difficult. I know she already gets treats and quite toys for at work. I try to change up what treats she does have at work to keep in interesting.

I know our partnership has really changed over the past couple of years. I know she has been more cuddly and tends to be happier with several recent changes. Most of the changed I made our because I have spent almost the last year going to the gym after work which means she gets less down time in some ways. So I am trying to work on making other aspects more fun for Duchess so I get the time I need at the gym and Duchess gets what she needs from me. Keeping thing balanced has not always been easy but thankfully Duchess is pretty flexible. I know she now seems really to like going to the gym most nights but other times I can tell she is not that excited. I do try to give her more opportunity to earn extra treats while we are at the gym as well.

I know it is hard to believe next month I have been working out with higher intensity exercise for a year. I didn't doubt I would make it but it really has been challenging. I know needed Duchess to make it though the adjustment period of time where I was still working on reducing lows while exercising which is not easy but I have so much better at handling it as it comes. I know Duchess has really stepped and up can alert very early at times but most important normally catches the lows even with all the distractions. So I know I have enjoyed the new adjustments and have seen Duchess much happier. I am always working on ways to make both our lives easier.

Distractions and The Bad Pump Site

I know normally I tend to figure it out quickly if I do have a bad pump site but this past weekend I was in a very full theater seeing a movie with friends. There was a great deal of distractions and noise. I was trying to enjoy my friends company but I then noticed my CGM had a side arrow aiming up. So I bolused. I checked 20 minutes later still going up.

So I decided to test to see if a little more insulin would help. I bolused a small amount. I check back in 20 minutes and still moving up and quickly now one arrow straight up. I had not eaten anything in the past two hours so I was surprised to see the up arrow. I decided to inject a unit to see if my site was bad. Sure enough nothing happened. So I pull out my site injected a correction and sure enough it started to come back down slowly. I ended up spending most of the movie checking my Animas vibe frequently to make sure that I was actually coming down. I was able to enjoy my movie but I felt quite irritated that I was constantly checking.

I know the past couple of weeks I have a big issues when I see a higher blood sugar. I am not handling it well and it is making me feel a little defeated even though I know it will happen. I know you can't control your diabetes but only manage it. So I was doing my best on Saturday but I know that I can't make my diabetes wait till the end of the movie. I also know I can't make it wait till I want to deal with it.

It seems like my diabetes always has a way of popping up when it wants and making things more complicated. The good part is that my bolus was correct for the correction and I ended up not being low and bouncing back up. So even though it was a disruption at least I did figure it out. I know normally I am better about making decisions to pull my infusion set but with all the distractions it was a little more difficult. I normally catch on sooner but I know this time it seemed to elude me. I know Duchess did alert during the process as well and see alerted me to the change before my Dexcom even started to alarm. So that did help me to at least know I needed to keep monitoring my blood sugars.

Thankfully my friends are used to seeing my monitor my blood sugars but one friend did notice my irritation with why it was going up. I know they all seemed to be understanding that I need to monitor it so my blood sugars would not soar upward. I know I did not want my diabetes to be a factor but at times it will be. Regardless if I want things to be ore not my diabetes sadly does not disappear because I am wanting to watch a movie with friends.

Funny Noises at The Right Moment

I know at work there has been constant changes and some really great things as well. With all these changes they decided to have a quarterly meeting with all the departments that overseen by the Director. There has been some sections that were added to our team recently so we had a pot luck with Texas BBQ. I know after our barbeque we had to attend a meeting to address some up coming changes in the future they will finally be rolling out a new system which is great because the system reminds me of DOS in some ways. So they are preparing for the new system and we are giving input for what we will need. So they were reviewing the time line for the launch of the new system which is still almost two years away.

I know Duchess has always had a way of making very serious things less serious at times. I know on numerous occasions she will make weird noises during meetings. She has this perfect timing for the noises as well. During the presentation she made this really long almost grumble sound. The funny part is the director look at the person presenting and says is your stomach a little upset from lunch. I know the whole room was laughing and told the director that Duchess decided to throw in some comic relief into our meeting. I think we all were laughing for several minutes. I know working in Accounting things are very serious at times so we all need things to lighten the mood at times. Leave it to Duchess to getting the whole room laughing this is not the first time and I am sure it won't be the last. I know these moments in particular she reminds me how fun having her around can be.

I know I think I can get so wrapped up at times and miss the good parts if I am not careful and Duchess has her ways of reminding of what is really important. I know I could not have a better partner than her. She keeps me laughing in the midst of the chaos at times. I am really surprised how fast the time is flying bye.

Bad Start But Great End of Day

I know yesterday was a rough day with lows. I know I was on my way home and I was trying to decide if it was better to stay home and rest or go to the gym. So I actually went to the gym to work out as normal. I did not actually have a low while working out which was great and I actually stayed very level the rest of the night. I did have two people who approached me about petting Duchess but after the rough day I really needed her to focus on me while I am working out. I know for the average person they probably have no idea how fast my blood sugars can drop and how dangerous things can be come. So I was very polite when I told them that she was working and that it would distract her from her job. I know these two people just joined the gym and I am sure had no idea she was a service dog. So I spent yesterday education others while trying to exercise at the same time.

Then just as I was in my last two minutes on the last machine I was using a woman comes running up and put her hand out. Thankfully I was able to get her to stop before she started to pet her. I know how exciting it can be when they are their but I also know that I need her focused. Duchess thankfully watched me closely last night and really stayed focus even though the general public was making that even more difficult for her. I have to say I don't usually mind questions but when I am working out I like to focus on the exercise. I tend to be an overly focused person at times and especially when I am working out. I do listen to music but normally my goal is to get in and out as quickly as possible with as little lows as possible. So I know I like to just work out without interruptions if possible. If my friends were at the gym I wouldn't mind chatting.

The best part of the last night is that I had one low but I did temp basal which left me in the 150's the rest of the night which I was fine with after yesterday. So far today is much better and I feel better that I did go to the gym. I know working out has become such a big part of my routine that I find it difficult to miss going to the gym except when I am sick. So I was relieved that I was able to get what I needed done and today my blood sugars are really mellow so I am guessing that the exercise did some good in helping me to get back on track.

Some Days the Roller Coast Effect Can Be Tough

Some days I know will be rough and today so far has been. I made the mistake of taking a phone call late last night even though I should have been going to bed. I stayed up way later than I was planning too. Then my low blood sugars started and continued on and off all night long. I did make adjustments this morning to my night basals. I know I have been going to the gym and since I was so ramped up from the Adrenaline rush I had from sky diving I worked out harder than I was planning too. I normally can handle this but with all the other stuff it made today a lot more difficult. I know that the less sleep I get the more lows. Today has been a tough morning because my pump keeps say please prime after I added a new cartridge and changed my tubing as I normally would. This is the most annoying part of having the Animas Vibe is the prime thing which I experienced more frequently with the Animas Ping. So far it has not happened as often with the Vibe.

The lows were not so bad but I did get into a little bit a mental fog with one low which took me a while to figure out I was low. I did become disoriented but thankfully I was able to get my sugar up after deciding to eat lunch early. Thankfully I do have snacks at my desk and juice in my fridge to help with these lows. Duchess was trying to alert but I know when I get foggy headed she can get frustrated with me and my lack of response. I did get things back up but now I am rebounding because everyone keep trying to get me to eat more which I didn't need which is now causing me to bounce up and possibly drop down later. I know most of the time I don't have days like that but I am hoping that I can get things back on track. I know I do better when I treat my own lows instead of people trying to help because the don't understand the rebound effect. I do appreciate the help though.