How Fun It Must Be To Take Your Dog

There is a great deal of time I hear constantly from the general public how great it must be to take your service dog with you. In my mind I know how difficult it is. I know I can go to a store regularly but one day a a different employee is there and that can be enough for a public access issue to happen. Some days I have to worry about the heat, cold or in general the weather. I always have dog boots, rain coat, water and dog bowls. I usually carry a bag of dog food in case I get stuck  some where longer than I was planning. I have to balance her working hours with her downtime. I have to worry about her safety constantly such as shopping carts. People are really careless in grocery stores and like to run over Duchess feet at times. I do my best to block the carts with my body. I also have to worry about who is trying to pet Duchess she turns off like a light switch with too much attention so I need to be careful.

I also worry about if it is raining that I have dried Duchess feet as much as possible when going into a store. I continually worry about what little kids are going to do. I have had way too many kids be incredibly mean to Duchess from pulling harshly on her tail or hitting her. Mind you Duchess is doing nothing when all this is happening. It is really sad how well behaved she is compared to most children these days. I also worry a great deal about how here experiences are when we are at the grocery store. These days Duchess hates going to big grocery store we got to because she has been hit by carts or people are constantly causing issues. I know people do not give me much room when in the grocery store which makes things difficult.

I know I really wish people understood is a great deal of work to keep Duchess safe and happy. I spend a great deal of time with training, and trying to keep her experiences as positive as possible. I know a great deal of experiences in one type of store could create issues for me being able to take Duchess with me. I know everyone tells me Duchess looks upset when at the grocery store. I know I do not like it myself. So I am sure she feels the same way too. I know our grocery store have smaller aisles so getting around is difficult for both of us. I really wish people understood it is not fun but just necessary for Duchess to be with me.I also get asked very personal questions which the general public thinks I need to answer.

I do not answer the questions and leave it at my dog is a medical alert dog. So I don't have to disclose my medical condition to all the people around me. I think as a very shy person it is not easy and I know Duchess tends to pick up on my irritation from being asked those questions. So I leave things very simple and very vague so I feel like I still have my privacy.

Work Changes Have Allowed Room For Personal Growth

I have so loved the many changes at work. Since their has been a great deal of upper management changes has lead to more improvements for the people in my departments. Such as this morning I went on a tour of part of campus with its history of where I work. There is great deal of historic buildings etc where I work. So I was pleased to be able to join in on a tour after being where I work after five years of being here. they plan once a quarter to have activities for the employee's which I think is wonderful. I know I like to be able to leave my desk occasionally to do activities. I know Duchess loved this mornings activities quite a bit as well. All the recent changes have really impacted my life in a great deal of ways. Like right now being able to work only during the week and not on the weekends has really improved my quality of life.

It also has allowed me the time to focus more on what I need and what improvements I need to make in my own life. Last three years I have always been so busy working overtime it felt like I had no life. So to be able to finally make enough and to finally work towards some goals I personally have. This is really amazing to me to finally be on the right track to getting some things done that I have always wanted to achieve. I have been doing really well with running on the treadmill so far and I will start running outdoors once it starts to cool down a bit at night. It is way too hot for me to run in the evening so I have to settle for the treadmill until that point. So I am making progress. I am running a little longer each day and rotating doing various machines. I know I have been working on getting more and more endurance as I go.

I am really enjoying the process so far. I am not sure if I will make it to doing a half marathon but its worth a try. I know I am extremely determined and I really stick with my exercise routines so I know I can achieve a great deal with my mindset. So now it is just making sure that I do it safely.

Face Book Post

I was viewing a friends Face Book status and they posted the 7 Cardinal Rules For Life.
I was reading through it and found some of the things I was doing that I should not be. One of the one's I have the most issue with is the first one. I let my past ruin things in a great deal of ways. Such as I know I have complications and will forever be judged for it even though I did the best I can. So I just need to remind myself I did the best I could at the time. I know I have made a great deal of mistakes and I know I need to forgive myself for them. The weird thing is that I can forgive others for their mistakes but my personal mistakes I seem to really struggle with. I know in the grand scheme of things doing things like not forgiving yourself for a really bad Diabetes day of highs when I know full well there are so many factors that can affect your blood sugars it is not fair to be so hard on myself at times. I know we all have bad days.

I also know I care way too much about what people think of me or how they view me. I know because I have Duchess this is more of an issue now because she tends to attract a great deal of attention. I am a very shy person who is very private person who honestly take a while to get to know. So to deal with all this attention on interactions with not always the best people. I know recent experience at the grocery store. Do you know your service dog hates her job she has her tail tucked. I told the lady she loves her job but she hates the grocery store because people run there carts into her or she gets hit by young children on occasion. So I know after those experiences how much would you enjoy going to the grocery stores. I really don't enjoy going to the grocery store either. I hear so many negative things from others it can really interfere with you being happy. I know if I don't like where a conversation is going with a stranger I keep on walking. Who needs more negativity or bad attitudes from strangers. I know I don't. I am doing less interacting when at all possible in general because it makes it easier for me to feel like I am normal like everyone else.

I know I also over think a great deal of things at work and in life in general. I know I torture myself way too much worrying and trying solve every issue. I have made some progress on that recently in when I had my  bad low and I did not continually go over and over the incident in my head. It was quite refreshing to just move on from it. I know I am working on these things because I know in the long run it will be better for me. I am such a type A personality it can be hard to change some of these things but I know it is possible. I also know that now I get more time for myself I am now able to spend more time working on things in my life. I know I need to let go of some bad patterns because I work incredibly hard right now at my job, my diabetes, and new adventures which takes a great deal of patience and focus. Hoping to improve my life one step at a time.

Expected Response

I normally don't meet the people I assist where I work. So it was a nice surprise to meet one yesterday. I was in my bosses office and I had given Duchess a bone so she was at my desk eating her bone. So after a while I knew she would reappear. I always find that most people feel better if I train dogs instead of it being mine. I know the response of the contact was pretty normal. I expect it honestly. I don't want people to feel sorry for me but I just want them to understand that I am able to work because I have Duchess. My life is so much better with her because I don't have to worry about going low and not feeling it and losing hours of time. This has happened in the past. Life is also safer for example the time I had seizures at work and other moments of scary as I like to call them.

I know people tend to be surprised by how hard I work and how much I accomplish I guess because I am dealing with a disability. I think for me the most important thing is letting people know that my disability does not stop me but it just makes things more complicated. I know I wish more people understand I can do almost everything I did previously with some adjustments. I guess its hard to know that a person you assist through email and calls frequently could be disabled or have obstacles. I know every person has personal obstacles and other issues so I am no different. The only difference is that mine is noticeable where previously it was not as noticeable. So  I know when the contact asked me questions I left things very vague but said she was my medical alert dog. I said she made my life so much easier and that she keep me safe. I guess it is a lot to take in when you have an image in your head of what the person on the other line is like.

I know I am healthy, happy and very normal but have a sidekick named Duchess. I will never feel bad that I have her because she gave me my life back which is priceless.

Hoping Things Have Changed

I have been getting very irritated with using my Dexcom because it has been really off at time especially the first three days of use. I know since I have been working out that my legs are becoming more muscular as I do start training for my next adventure. I knew this would start to cause issues after a couple months of exercise. The issue now is that my stomach and arms need to work for me at this point I can use my lower back, stomach and arms possibly. About 6 months ago I tried using my stomach with major issues and I hoping the past six months is enough to allow me the option of using my stomach. That is one of the few place I can use at this point.

I know with me exercising more I am relying more and more on my Dexcom just to let me know if I am moving up or down. Last night for example I was at the gym and Duchess alerts me. I check my Dexcom it says I am 127 with an arrow straight across. So I check I was 68. It took another ten minutes after I treated my low for my Dexcom to even acknowledge I was moving down. This actually is really becoming common for me the past couple of weeks. I am frustrated but I know it won't help because my own body is too blame. My body has never really loved the sensors and has always been some what off but the better shape I get the worse the results.

With my next adventure is imperative that it works efficiently for me. I know when I am running I really don't notice I am going low and in fact tend to speed up when I was going low. I know that seems strange but my body just keeps pushing forward most of the time. So I am hoping that the other sites will work better than last time I tried. I know my current sensor keeps saying I'm high when I am not and lows it is 30 minutes after I treat which is not helpful for me or my Dr. Thankfully I know if I can find a good area to use again. I like what Dexcom offers but it can be so frustrating at times when I really need it to work.

Excited About The Changes Now and to Come

Everything around me has changed so drastically since June of this year. I almost can't believe how much. I know with the recent management changes I have been able to have more time off from work. It feel very odd to not work every weekend and not be panicked about year end. I also get to enjoy the nice summer days which is something I normally do not get to experience over the past three years. So I am overjoyed that I feel like I am getting my life back again. I know these changes have allowed me to be happier and more content with my life in general. It also made me realize that I have been so busy that I have been ignoring dreams and goals I have had. I am so happy I am working out regularly and getting to challenge myself further. I know I needed this but in the past I was so stressed I honestly was thankful to just get through the day. I know now I look forward to so much more and I am finding great joy in things I have not enjoyed in the past couple of years.

I know I have doubted myself in a great deal of ways in the past couple of years because of bad lows but recently even with my recent event for the first in a couple of years I feel like myself again. The happy, energetic and fun person I loved being. I know I had a friend comment recently that I was very dauntless she said I make these scary events look easy and I never show any fear. I know I do but most of the time she is right I rarely let people ever see my vulnerable sides, and my fears. I know she has seen a great deal of the bad but she thinks I can handle almost anything especially after my Retinopathy diagnosis and my ability to keep my 20/20 vision was the best outcome. I know I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself for perfection. I know that is not a very good thing but I know it also kept my vision what it is today. I know I work so hard and that in a great deal of ways I have accomplished more than I ever dreamed of.

I know I still think about my life before complications but I now realize that my life in still incredibly wonderful and fun. I was so busy trying to stay safe I did not look at the big picture that I could still do everything I used but now just in a different way. I am so happy that I am not going to let Diabetes stop me but I am instead going to challenge it instead. I work so hard I might as well enjoy what life is giving me. I know I have been so blessed to meet so many wonderful people who inspire me. I know Karen inspired me further on my journey back to running. Great job on your 5K Karen. I know I think any accomplishment with Diabetes is a win. I now know I need to change my outlook to reflect that. Looking forward to many more wonderful changes to come.

Exciting Times

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from my Endocrinologist office. The office is now working to make sure all patients that have been on insulin over 25 years get their medals from Lilly Journey Awards. They give a bronze medal for all type 1 Diabetics on insulin for 25 years.  A silver medal for 50 years and a gold medal for 75 years. I had never heard of the medals until I got the letter yesterday. It is nice to honor all the people who have spent so much time managing a disease that has never been easy for so many.

It is strange after opening the letter that evening then I have strange dreams afterwards. I know it was weird last night I had dreams about a really bad low where I did not have enough energy to walk to the kitchen to get juice so I crawled to the kitchen. It probably took me 20 minutes to get to the fridge and get the juice I wanted so badly. The weird part of this low is that I had stuff to treat lows in my room but I just had to have juice. I know I had juice for many years growing up to treat lows so I guess I go back there from time to time. These days unless I get the weird urge for juice I really don't use it to treat very many lows these days. I thought the timing of the dream was interesting but it also gave me a great deal to reflect back upon. A couple years ago things were much more chaotic and scary. Thankfully I am now pushing my self to run and expand my exercise further.

I know I feel like I am heading in the right direction the more I see improvements in a great deal of Diabetes related items. I actually felt a low which was strange to me it was a really light twitching but really freaked me out because I am so used to no feeling of lows at all except the occasional occurrence. I have seen my night time blood sugar start to mellow out and have less lows over night as well. I have seen increased awareness of lows earlier if I do notice them. I get a foggy thought process which I seem to clue into a times. I am hoping that my aspiration of a half marathon will only further help me to continually improve my health.



http://www.lillydiabetes.com/Pages/lilly-diabetes-journey-awards.aspx 

Lilly Diabetes Journey Awards Application and Information

Finally Settling Down

I am finally seeing a major shift back to more stable blood sugars. The affects of the predisone seems to be dwindling as time goes on. I can now bolus again from my pump for meals and not inject manually the dosage and if under a unit use my pump. I really missed being able to just dial it in over the past couple of months. I have also seen at night where my blood sugars are not up and down all night but instead is very level like 85 all night which is what I used to see all time. While I was on predisone I was seeing a surge up and then a large drop twice a night. Other times I was running in the 140's all night which is not terrible.

I know Duchess is now alerting less during the day which is a really nice break for her. She was really looking tired after several month of predisone. The affects of predisone were not fun but I do feel blessed that I was able to start exercising again sooner because I was able to feel better. I know my exercise in a great deal of ways helps me to be more focused and also reduce my stress. Which is difficult because work in general where I work is incredibly stressful.

So glad to see things calming down again and hopefully continued success with  less lows. Right now I am having very few lows and even during exercise I have gotten more successful with avoid lows most of the time. That is a huge accomplishment for me. The longer I do it the more creative I get and the better it seems to work. I know I can't always do the same things as others but I know I am getting their.