Glad Things Turned Out to be Fine

I always end up saying that I had not need to worry before my Endocrinologist appointment. I love the office I see and I am blessed that they understand how hard I work. They know I am always trying new things to keep my blood sugar in line. I know I thought my A1c went up but it was the same for all my A1c's this year which is great. I know I feel blessed they are constantly working with me to figure out the craziness I call my diabetes. I know we discussed my seizure and we looked at the Dexcom data before the seizure and honestly it looked like a great day for me until that point.

So we are just taking it easy and if anything comes up such as a bad low or seizure they want me to call. I told them that this time my blood sugars were very level and not too difficult to handle so I did not call to discuss the issue with them. I feel like I made the correct call. I know in the past once I had a seizure it was really easy to go back into another seizure but this time has really been different. I do not know what to expect but I am just going to continue to do my best.

I know my Dr. was not upset about the seizure they told me they were proud that I had worked so hard and that not having a seizure for two years was a reflection of my work. So I know I can count on them to be supportive even when I had initially had trouble seeing that it just happens. I know their will always be the good times and the bad times dealing with my diabetes. So today I am just celebrating that yes hard work does help and that yes I will make mistakes but at the end of the day I have a great team behind me.

Why Do I Panic Every Time

I know I am really not looking forward to my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow. My Animas One Touch Ping had been creating higher blood sugars which took me a while to figure out. I did not figure it out till last Friday when it was going back into constant prime mode. I know I was incredibly frustrated that was what was causing all the higher blood sugars I was experiencing. It turns out the motor was sending less insulin in than it was supposed to be which was causing me to use temp basal rates to keep things in check. Thankfully I am pretty resourceful and was able to figure out things as I went. I noticed that the pump was asking to be primed more frequently and then the higher blood sugars appeared. I just wish I had noticed sooner. This also leaves me with questions about my recent seizures could the pump be part of the issue. I know I had had some issues over the past month but I was so busy it took me a while to put all the fact together.

Animas did get me out a pump quickly and they are looking into the pump when I send it back. They are checking to see if the issues were caused by the pump malfunctioning. I am hope the spend the time to review everything and get any of the issues resolved. I am not sure I will ever know if the seizure was insulin pump related but it very well could have been. I am really glad I was able to get back to the more normal blood sugars I am used to seeing. I am back to less lows and very few highs which I prefer. So I know most likely my A1c has went up but I have no idea how much but at least I know what happened. I have been at the say Alc number for over a year and I will be sad if it goes up. I am not expecting a large jump but a slight one will not hurt.

I know the Dr. will be okay with the fact it went up. I know they are pleased that I work so hard to begin with. I just was hoping to keep things where it currently is but I also know that is really hard to do. Sometimes my body likes to change dramatically and it can take a while to figure out how to handle the issues. So I know I am happy that normally all my blood work comes back normal so normally the only one I worry about is my A1c thankfully. I know things will be fine but I am always so nervous for the appointment regardless if my Alc was normal or not.

Duchess and The Needed Change

I am now dealing with the whining issue since my recent seizure some times after seizures I have gathered that Duchess views this personally as a failure. Shortly after the seizure she will then decide on her own to change her alert because she thinks it is not effective. Which really makes sense but nothing drives more crazy than whining. So it is not an alert that I want her to use and I like her to keep the noise to a very minimum level and her whining can get loud. So it looks like I may need to go back to using the bringsel again to alert. I really hate the whining so I know I need to use and old alert or find a new one for her to learn. She loves learning new things so I know she would probably like to learn a new one. The issue can be finding an alert that does not drive me crazy but also is easy enough for Duchess to do.

So I am back to looking at what options I have to create a new alert for her or possibly one she feel better about. Duchess really amazes me how she handles these moments of scary with such patience. She never gives up and keeps going even after a bad seizure or low. She is always affected in one way or another by these episodes. So I will go with the change and try to find an alert that works for both of us. It can be difficult at times to find options that work for us both. I know last time I ended up bringing back and old alert which seemed to appease Duchess. Right now she is going back to pawing my legs instead of licking my hand. It will probably take another week of working with her to use the old alert and not whine. I am so glad that she is willing to just go with the other alert for now. Most of the time then she will go back to licking my hand instead of the alternate alert.

Giving New Things a Try

I recently purchased Duchess a new service dog vest and I for the first time in 3 years I have to actually purchase patches for her vest. The previous dog vests were customizable and I could select from a few patches that were sewn on. I was searching online when I saw a patch that I thought might get people to stop and think just for a moment. My favorite part of the patch is the saying I don't pet you while you are working. I am trying to get the people who are the dog lovers who think that the patches do not apply to them.  I meet them frequently and I usually have to put my hand in front of Duchess to get them to stop petting. I always try my best to educate but at times I have to stop them which does not seem to teach them anything. So I am always looking for ways to get people's attention by using different or unusual patches really seem to help send a message. This has really worked well so far and I hoping it will in the future.

 

I have found that when I get on the bus that people are commenting on her patches and they seem to be taking what the patch is saying seriously which is my goal. I really hate having to tell people not to pet her consonantly.So far and I am loving her new patches and I don't even need to have a separate patch stating medical alert dog technically but I do have one on her vest. I know so far Duchess seems to love her Ruff wear vest and her new patches. I am hoping that the new patches continue to get people to think before they do a drive by pet which happens frequently. I am thankful that most of the time Duchess is able to not be too distracted by this but at times it can take away her focus.

Helping In Ways I Never Realized

I know my recent events have really made me think about things. I know every time the EMS is their at work I am always worried they are trying to make me go to the hospital. Most of the time I go against the recommendations and go home. I know what they are going to do at the hospital and I can do it at home. So I stay home where both of us are most comfortable. Each time the EMS is their the local University police shows up. They have repeatedly interfered in the past with my ability to get transported with Duchess. Their can be consequences for both of us being separated. I am so used to having Duchess their in my darkest moments I really depend upon her more than I have ever realized we are a team who works well together. She keeps me calm and cool during these events by being her crazy self. I know she is nervous for me and really cares. I know during these moments their is no other place she would rather be than with me.

She was trained to be with me during these moments and most of all she needs me just as much as I need her. I know I have been through so much and I feel like having Duchess their really helps me in ways I never dreamed. I normally stay really calm and cool anyways, but I tend to be reacting inside to these feelings. The interesting thing is that Duchess knows if I am upset, scared or just feeling let down. She picks up my emotions so well at times she seems to know before I do at times. I know I can handles this alone, I have plenty of times in the past but I just feel better not doing it alone. I has always been told I am very stoic and I do not usually ask for help. So having Duchess near bye I don't have to ask she just knows me too well.

I am beyond thankful that even in my worst and my best days that Duchess is her with me. She is constantly keeping me safer and makes me feel comfortable taking on challenges. Duchess will always be my best friend and I know I am blessed to have her in my life. I never dreamed that Duchess would be helping me in so many unexpected ways. I know I feel safer than I did when I was first diagnosed with Hypoglycemia Unawareness and that peace of mind is priceless. I know I value my freedom and my ability to hold a job which all goes back to Duchess doing a wonderful job.

How I Feel Now

I know since my seizure and the guy who said I inspired him at the gym my mind has been going a hundred miles an hour these days. I have been strangely on this adrenaline rush of sorts since my seizure. I know a person on the bus said to me you remind me of the main character in the book Tris in the Divergent movie. There is a quote " Fear doesn't shut you down; It wakes you up" which is really quite true for most Diabetics I am sure. I know I tend to be different at times maybe I am an just different in how I handle seizures from time to time. I have been on this complete adrenaline rush of sorts which seems strange to me I guess it has been thankfully a while since my last one. I know the comments made me think it is really strangely true how after the moments of scary I tend to either really be affected by it or it just seems to pump me up. I know at work I have been plowing right through it and seems to keep going. So I am finding my response to the recent seizure to be true I did seem to really wake up to the fact of how dangerous the seizures can be.

I know I am not mad or upset or even in denial, but this time I just feel really awake. I know I needed to make changes quickly after the seizure which I did do. I am still feeling just over the top energy which I am taking advantage of but I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing. I know I feel differently after each seizure I have experienced and this is one is no different. It is extremely hard to explain where I am currently at but I am not in a bad place right now and I am thankful.

Left Completely Speechless

I am not normally a person who can be left speechless but last night I was. I had been at the gym on the elliptical for around 15 minutes. When a man approached I was working out. I had my head phones on and I had to take them off. Normally I do not get interrupted at the gym which I like normally I like getting into a mindset of concentrating on my goal for the night. The man said he had been coming to the gym for a while. He told me that he was in firefighter training. He said he noticed that I was treating a low blood sugar while working out several times he saw me at the gym.

He said he knew my life was not most likely not easy but manageable with my service dog. He said I had inspired him by my determination to finish and get through the work outs even with all the obstacles I face. He then said that I inspired him to do more as well in his life. That is a really overwhelming statement to take in. I know he said he noticed that I seemed to just make it look easy. I know he was learning about Diabetes and said that he respected how much effort I put into staying healthy even with obstacles. I know during the conversation I could only say Thank you but I felt like I would not even begin to know what to say. Normally I can be a chatter box, but last night I was just surprised. I have always thought of myself as very normal and would do what any normal Diabetic does. I guess because I have Duchess it is more noticeable but regardless I am glad I can help put Diabetics in a good light in the minds of a future firefighter. They tend to show up on a great deal of the calls so I know he will be encountering a great deal of us in the future.

I have never thought of myself as inspirational but I know my life is not easy but I feel like I do nothing different than any other Diabetic does really. I do know regardless that it does feel very cool to inspire some one else especially someone who will be encountering Diabetics as part of their job. I know most of the time you only meet these people once but it is nice to know that they are starting to see what our struggles are and not judge us. I know most EMS seem very non judgmental but I have one or two through the years that made assumptions. I know after my seizure I am feeling like my whole world is spinning out of control but it is funny how life sent me a reminder of sorts to give myself some credit for all my hard work.

 

The Aftermath

I know my seizure on Thursday afternoon drew attention as normal. This time when I was at work on Friday I had people surrounded me at my desk all morning and afternoon coming by to check on me. I know they care but for me this is very difficult. I hate one thing in particular and that is all the attention that my lows create for me. I know my whole life I have wanted to avoid attention from lows. I feel like it is a bad attention in my mind. I find all the attention almost over whelming and takes me back to the day of the seizure. I am not ashamed I had a low but I prefer attention for more positive things such as good work or doing a great job on a project. I know I spent most of my life trying to avoid any attention related to my Diabetes when possible. I know all I have ever wanted is to feel as normal as possible. I know these days that will not really be possible especially since I have Duchess.

My Diabetes these days will always garner some attention regardless if I like it or not. So I am adjusting as well as I can to this fact over the past 4 years. I know I am okay with people knowing I have Diabetes and asking questions, but when it involves lows or seizures that is where I am most uncomfortable. I know I am working on trying to get used to the fact that yes their will always be a chance I can have a seizure and I can't prevent them all. I do work hard and do everything I can. I know with having Hypoglycemia Unawareness that I will be more prone to lows and I know that could mean more moment of scary. I guess I may never be completely okay with the seizures and bad lows but I also know I should not be comfortable with either. It can be so taxing to deal with the after math of bad lows. I don't feel angry or upset just completely dazed.

I Feel Like a Complete Failure

Disaster strikes again. It was around 4:15pm that my boss asks me if I was feeling okay she said I looked tired. I said I was fine which we all in the Diabetic world means I am really not okay. I did have that on my sheet. Normally my co-workers are around but it was late when people start to leave for the day. My co-worker was out sick so their was only an Intern and my manager their at the time.Their also was a co-worker who was told to get the front desk to call 911 because I was having a seizure. I know I had done a class on what to do but they missed a big step because they could not see the directions in the Glucagon kit clearly. I know when you are panicked it can be hard to concentrate. So they accidentally just injected the saline solution but not the glucagon sadly. Thankfully EMS was their quickly and was able to get my seizure to stop. They had to use an IV because I had been seizing for a while and decided that it would be quicker. I am always for what is going to work best.

I was so ashamed, embarrassed and mortified this happened again. I had just hit over two year of being seizure free and not I am back to start again. I worked so hard and I feel completely defeated this time normally I am bouncing back and feeling just angry but this time I truly feel like a failure. I know it is never easy but I always blame myself because as a perfectionist I want to make no mistakes. We all know their is numerous things that can affect blood sugar and sadly you can't prevent it all. I know I should not feel defeated but I completely feel let down by the fact that I had made it so far. I was really hoping I could keep them at bay for longer. I know for me each year is truly and accomplishment but I wanted more.

I was reviewing my Dexcom which did not detect I was low until 30 minutes afterwards. Their was a dramatic drop shown that only went to 50 but I was actually 12. The Dexcom did not seem to catch it because it was moving so quickly. I was very fortunate that Duchess alerted my boss as she was trained to do. She also alerted the intern. So she saved the day again. I am truly blessed to have here with me through all these stressful events.I know I feel bad making her go to work this morning she was so tired. These events do take their toll on her in some ways. I know they do on me as well. I feel fine today but mentally I feel like I am stuck in a place of constant review of everything over and over again.

Looking Back

I almost now feel like I should have know that Hypoglycemia Unawareness was coming my way. I know several times during my teens I got on the wrong bus from school and luckily eventually came to enough to get myself home. I know over the years I never once realized that was not really normal. I knew most people felt most lows so I thought not feeling them occasionally was normal. I know because it did not happen frequently I thought it was not a big deal and was not really a big deal. I always seemed to be okay and so I assumed I would always be okay. I know through the years there was always these events where lows seemed to catch up with me like during high school state testing. I was in the middle of writing my paper in class when I passed out and they ended up calling the EMS. I can tell you I still hate that day because all the students I went to school say me being hauled out on a stretcher as they were in the middle of going to their next classes. I still remember the embarrassment I felt like it was yesterday.

I know I always felt like having these events were some what normal but now I realize more than ever that it was really a clue that missed during these incredibly stressful events. Then there was the times around 25 years old where I was working out more but not eating enough and had really bad lows where I was late picking up my sister from school several times. I know I was buy cleaning and stopped for a minute and just passed out. There was not shaking, fast heart beat, grumpiness or any other symptom except being tired. I did not give one moment of thought about the fact I was not feeling lows much anymore. I know I did notice if I was low while working out but not as much when out and about. I know my life was really busy so I guess I focused on other things instead of noticing all the changes at times. I know I learned a great deal of lessons from my experiences. I also know grieving the loss of my mother during that time who also was a type 1 was the most difficult thing. So I know I was not really aware of everything I should have been.

Changes in Partnership

I have noticed recently that Duchess is really loving the running. In fact she seems to be even more on top of my blood sugars. The most interesting part for me is that I do work out five days a week and run three of the days I workout. So it is not like I am running a great deal we usually run a couple of miles and it seems to really get her more focused and it seems to bring us together more as team. I never knew she liked running as much as she does. She seems to get a little too excited when we first start out running I have to remind her to slow her pace otherwise she will be dragging behind when I am trying to finish up the run. It is a learning curve for both of us. I have run before with her but with no real need to run a certain distance or need to run a certain amount of time so we both our learning what works for us. She seems to love knowing which day of the weeks we are going to run and looks forward to it each day. I am thinking of making it four days a week but like having days where I work out on the elliptical and other machines at the gym.

I think mixing up the routine is helping me to allow my body to adjust to running instead of starting to run everyday which would be difficult when you are just starting out so I am happy I have found a good balance to try and keep things interesting. I know I am happy Duchess is loving running and I am starting to enjoy it the more I go and I know their will be times where I won't want to run but most of the time once I am out their I do fine. So I pleased that Duchess even with all the changes seems to be able to improve her alerting she is now alerting like this morning I was 112 and she alerted and I could not figure out why. Then a couple minutes later I look at Dexcom it was slowing moving up then 120. Since she let me know early I was able to give a small amount of insulin to prevent a big jump like I saw yesterday morning. Some days she just amazes me how she knows so early. I know I am enjoying our time running as well. Nice to have someone with you when you out on adventures.

Rough Start to Weekend

I had been doing so great recently I really did not expect issues to show up on Saturday. Thankfully I did not need any assistance to get my self to where I needed to be. I had trouble sleeping most of the weekend sadly but especially on Friday night. I woke up from a bad low around 5am and treated the low and ate some food. I was trying to get my blood sugars to stay level so I would be able to get a couple more hours of sleep. I sadly woke up instead at 12:43pm on Saturday afternoon and still low. I luckily was aware enough to realize that I needed to eat something so I grabbed a glucose tablet and a muffin. I know I needed to get moving for the day as well. So I started to get ready for the day still feeling really tired but I wanted to get some things accomplished for the day.

I leave the house and head to the store I get their and my blood sugar was normal and seemed steady according to the Dexcom. The next thing I hear is the high alarm. I know I was low from around 6-12:43pm so I could be more prone to more lows. I did bolus for some of the muffin so I was not expecting the 180 and rising. Thankfully I decided to just inject verses using my pump. I had changed my infusion set that morning and wanted to also verify that it was not a bad site. So it turned out that my site was good but my blood sugars did not want to be in normal range. Thankfully I was able to get my blood sugar down in three hours which is not great but for being so low for so long I really should not be surprised.

I know Friday night I did run but normally I do not have these issues in the morning most of the time. I have had an increase in lows but was constantly adjusting the basals. The on Saturday night I was running 140 straight across all night long which is a little higher than usual but thankfully not low. So I ran a little higher last night as well. I have had some issues making adjustments because some days I am not able to find the reason I need to make the changes. So I will continue to make the best decision I can make. I am just bummed that I have not been able to get the reasons why figured out but at least most of the time the changes are working.

Surprise From Endocrinologist Office

I got home yesterday from work and rushing around to get things done before I head to the gym. I went and checked the mail. I know my Dr.'s office was trying to get all diabetics with long term insulin use the Lilly Diabetes Journey Awards. They applied for the medals for all the patients. I was quite surprised because my Endocrinologist office is throwing a party and presenting us our medals from Lily in November. I was really surprised that they spent the time and money to do something so wonderful for all the patients. I know I am looking forward to getting my 25 year medal. I know I am beyond impressed with how my Dr. is honoring his patients with a little party and presentations. I am really seeing my Endocrinologist office wanting to learn more about conference I attend and other local things such as meet up groups. The office is trying to find more ways for patience to get support and it is nice to see them encouraging people to meet other Diabetics.

I know it has changed my world in a great deal of ways. I am really excited to be able to participate in the upcoming events and glad to see that my Dr.'s office cares and wants us to do well which I already knew. I know I wish all patients had access to Dr.'s like mine who will until they find answers to issues that patients experience especially for the odd one's like me. I know my reaction to things is not always typical so they really have to be creative when it comes to my care most of the time. I am really thankful to see that they are continually looking for ways to support Diabetics because that mean's they are getting how important finding balance and having support is when having a chronic illness. I love that my Physicians Assistant goes above and beyond as well. She tells me about local gluten free places she has eaten because she has Celiac's disease too. It is nice to get an office who works hard to make sure I get what I need.

Making Things Better For Us Both

I have been working on looking at ways I can make Duchess life better. I have implemented two play times which are my breaks at work. She loves me throwing her toy around and looks forward to it all day long. She genuinely seems happier in general. Here alerting seems to be even improved with the changes. I have also been looking at ways to make my workouts better for Duchess. I do take her out running with me three days a week now and she loves running so far. I also have not noticed any issues with the running. I do keep her on join supplements to help keep her joints well cared for. I also have been giving her treats ever so often while we are at the gym. She seems to be more attentive if I make the time at the gym more fun for her. Duchess has a great deal of needs and seems to need changes in her routine occasionally to keep her happy.

I am just thrilled that these changes have really seemed to make her even happier than she previously was when were at the gym or at work. I know I do ask a great deal of her and most of the time she is just happy to be with me. I know by looking for more ways to improve her experience I will keep her more content with her work and life in general. Duchess really is a typical lab in that she loves to run and fetch. She really needs certain stimulation to keep her at her happiest. I know my life is complicated so thankfully with having more time now to work on my own personal life and concentrate more on Duchess.

She will always be the most important thing in my life and I have always tried to keep he a top priority. I now feel like my life is happier because I feel like I am more demanding but that means Duchess and I our now safer than we were previously. I realized that I need to speak up at times to get what I need especially for Duchess because they don't have a service dog or realize how many limitations she does have. I can only expect her to work so many hours. If I work too many hours she tends to alert less which is understandable.

When Generics Are Not the Same

There was an article a couple weeks ago that was placed on Facebook page by a Diabetic friend. I was taking the drug mentioned in the article for around 6 months before I stopped taking it. The interesting thing for me was that the previous time I took Wellbutrin for depression it worked incredibly well in fact I did not need to go back on them again for another 5 years. So when I asked for Wellbutrin my pharmacy sent me the generic but the previous time I took the actual Wellbutrin. I did not realize at the time that was the issue with why the drug seemed to not be working this time. So sadly for over a year now I have been struggling on and off with depression and feeling overwhelmed that it was not working. I did not mention the issue to the Dr. because I did not really want to try another brand of drug at that point with this one not working. Wellbutrin was the best drug I have ever taken for my depression so I was really upset by my poor results the second time taking it.

The article below talks about how the generic do not work and they really are only causing issues. So it all makes sense now. I just wish I had done more because I have been in a funk for a while and felt like I could muddle through it but I have not been able to do as much because I am still battling my depression to an extent the frequent exercise I do has really helped but I really want to get back to myself again. I am thankful for the article that was on Facebook and glad that I have answers. I am going back to my Dr.'s at the end of this month and I will be asking for their help in appealing for the name brand drug. I know I was told no over the phone by the pharmacy but my Dr. is wonderful in getting me what I need so I plan on bringing it up. I am kind of mad at myself for not speaking up sooner. I have control in how things play out but at the time I know being depressed also can make me very inactive on my part as well. So I am hoping I can get what I need without too much fight but I guess we will see.

The article is not the same as the one on facebook but quite close to the original article

http://www.propublica.org/article/no-substitute-when-a-generic-drug-isnt-what-it-seems    

Is It Really Selfish

At times dealing with the general public and a service dog is really the most frustrating thing. I was recently called selfish by a stranger because I take Duchess to the gym. I was pretty pissed off because she said it was not proper to make her sit through an hour at the gym. I told her that some people are blessed to be able to go to the gym without their service dog but I don't have that option. I told her honestly I would love to go back to where I was managing things on my own but again that is not possible right now.

So I get a constant theme of I am selfish because I take Duchess to various places but I feel like she is well feed, has proper gear and ability to rest when she needs. So I feel like I am not selfish. I know taking care of myself as a Diabetic is essential that is why I used to walk because I was so afraid of doing more intense exercise. Thankfully I have figured out how to some what handle most lows during exercise. So I feel like I need to continue to exercise regularly and continue to make our lives better by managing my Diabetes to the best of my ability and I know Duchess wants me to have less lows and be healthy. I am her partner and she depends upon me to provide a great deal of things which I do because I am able to. I know most people will never understand but at times I feel so tired of hearing how selfish I am. I do a great deal for my own family and I do not do a great deal for myself so I feel being called selfish is not fair or correct.

My life is a constant balancing act these days and I feel like exercise is a great thing. Duchess does go on runs with me as well so we both get exercise. Duchess gets to play every break I have at work and she loves it so I feel like we have a nice balance and that I do work hard to do the best I can for both of us. I guess all assumptions people make our to blame for this assumption by that stranger. I do not tend to like these type of conversations but I did educate them politely even though at times I am just tired of all the educating. I am beyond blessed to have her but all the unnecessary comments I could really live without.

Sometimes I Just Feel Blah About it All

Their is times I am too rough on myself when it comes to normal things there will always be times when my blood sugar is higher than I want them but normally I am pretty good at keep my blood sugars below 150 but this weekend was rough I was over that around 6 or 7 times. I am not sure what was going on but I was having some insulin resistance because I was sending more and more insulin in and nothing was happening. I did run a temp basal which then seemed to help bring my blood sugars back to normal but on Sunday once again I had to pump a great deal of more insulin in so I know I am heading back to changing my basal rates back up. looks like according to my body fall is here. The funny thing is that it is still in 80's and 90's here so it really feels like summer except it is a little cooler in the mornings. It really seemed to take me a bit longer than usual to clue into what was going on. Sometimes I seem to know what to do instantly other times I really need to think about it before I can really figure out and that was this weekend.

I had a long week and I think I was really starting to just feel better after being sick so I guess I was just tired and was focusing on other things. The problem with focusing on other things is that it really tends to catch up with me quickly. I did have my Dexcom on this weekend but I did not start it for a day and I just was feeling really blah about everything. This morning was much the same as this weekend my Dexcom was really far off and had not even showed that it was heading up ward so thankfully Duchess alerted me to what my Dexcom was missing. I have gotten my blood sugar down now and it seems to be staying in place. Hoping that things settle down for the rest of the day. I am attempting to finish up some projects at work and thankfully. I am almost done and I just need some time so I can accomplish this and my blood sugars staying level would be ideal right now but I also am realize is not always possible. I am hoping I will get a better grasp on things this week so I can enjoy next weekend a little more.

This feel of being so over it bothers me greatly because I do care so much but at times it just seems I need a day of I am dealing with it but I am also not over focusing on it as well. So I need to get things back in line but I also know this is not easy at times. Thankfully I have an up coming appointment which is making me realize that I need to get things back together before I go to get my blood work done. At least their is some incentive in that but I really am starting to feel a little burnt out but thankfully work is becoming less stressful this time of year so I will have more time to deal with this but I also know their so many other things I would rather be doing.

When Things Get Busy

I am not sure why but this time of year their is always more stress and things can be really busy. I know the other morning I had showered and then was getting dressed I know thinking to myself that I had to make sure I did not forget my insulin pump. I continue getting ready and I noticed the time I was running slightly behind because I had hit the snooze button my alarm. I knew I needed to speed things up because I did not want to miss my bus. So I was running around frantically making my lunch and grabbing my stuff. I know I did seem to catch up just before I needed to run out the door. In my madness to get out the door on time I never made sure my pump was attached. I was watching my Dexcom start to move up slightly so I went to grab for my insulin pump to discover it was not attached. I knew I had bottles of insulin in my bag so I was covered but it is was rather annoying to manually calculate each dosage of insulin all day when I am so used to using my insulin pump. It is great practice either way.

Thankfully I had a Dr. appointment and I was able to get home early and get back on my pump. I know some days I feel lucky I remember to bring half my stuff and that is only because I have prepare my bag every Sunday for the week. I add extra pump supplies, insulin, test strips and low treatments. I also have back up pump supplies in work drawer and in purse as well. I also on another night left my Dexcom at work when I going to a dinner after work. So I really  have been forgetting a great deal of things this week thankfully today is Friday and I just have to get through today and I do have both my Dexcom and pump with me right now. Some weeks things with Diabetes are easier than others weeks like this really can add a great deal of stress. I am lucky because even without my Dexcom she was alerting so I was still safe. I just feel really silly that I forgot so many important things all because things got busy.

Annual Eye Exam

I went for my annual eye exam I have not been back since I was sent to Retina Specialist 2 years ago. Mainly because I have my eyes checked regularly by the retina specialist. I have noticed some recent issues with my night vision which is expected after the laser procedures which cause you to lose most of your night vision. I talked with my ophthalmologist about the issue and he said my astigmatism could be making my night vision worse so now I have glasses for driving at night. I do know it will only work slightly to help but at this point I will take what I can get. I was happy to see he thought my eyes looked great which was not a surprise because my Retina Specialist had said the same thing. He was really surprised by how I had 20/20 vision even with Proliferative Diabetic Retinopathy (PDR). I know each day I wake up very proud of myself for keeping my A1c in very tight control and my ability to keep my healthy and with very little change in my vision. I know all the effort has paid off and I am really thankful for my Endocrinologist who supported me when other Dr.'s most likely would have disagreed with how I wanted to control my Diabetes. All these things have contributed to my current outcome.

I know complications are difficult and it can be so easy to say I give up. Once you get a complication I know I had the mindset I am not giving up and I am researching all my options. I am really happy that I decided that surgery for my Diabetic Retinopathy was not really what I needed. I have found that I avoided surgery which also is interesting in that frequently once you do have surgery to help with a hemorrhage normally you could end up needing another surgery. I am not a fan of surgery and I like to keep it simple. So for me the easiest route was laser procedures and injections. I know I made the best decision for me and I am really proud I went with my gut and decided to find a Dr. who was willing to work with me on avoiding surgery. It was interesting because normally I am really worried when I get my exams but yesterday I was very calm and felt like everything was going to be good. I guess one good scare and you tend not to forget but at least now I am not in complete fear of something being found instead I am just hopeful.