The Struggle with Getting Family to Understand.

I know my vacation has been some what stressful. I know my recent low made me realize how little my family knows. My sister said I needed a new insulin pump because I had a low. She thought my pump turns off when low or would be able to stop it some how. I know the idea of the artificial pancreas is great but sadly it's not here yet. I know I told them when I got my Animals Ping it allowed me more freedom and had temp basals etc. So I was so surprised by my sister's comments. I also realized that my father has no real understanding of my CGM. They even with explanation seemed to not really understand all the benefits of the devices. My family seemed to not understand a big part of my life. I know they most likely never will.

So as I prepare for my trip home tomorrow. I am very thankful for the DOC because you understand in ways that my family never will. I am also thankful that I live further away from my family so I can find the space I need to handle my Diabetes. I have handled everything by myself for a long time. I know I wish they could be a little more understanding. I think they believe that after 34 years these lows should not happen.

Holidays and Reminders

At times it's a great reminder that when you have a Diabetic alert dog you need to be careful what your family tells your alert dog. I noticed that my dad is telling Duchess to go away several times. The danger in doing so is that when an emergency arrives . Success really listens when you tell her things and the message she is getting is not positive when you are telling her to go away. She depends upon trusting the person she might alert too. I know my dad was thinking about what he is telling her. I know Duchess reminded me again how important our words to Duchess are. I know I feel so fortunate to have Duchess in my life. Getting my family on board to understand three reasoning behind why I do things can be difficult.

I hope everyone is enjoying time with your family's tonight. I know I can't wait till I see my nephew opening presents tomorrow. I also looking forward to spending time with my family, aunts,uncles and  cousins. I know I am looking forward tomore good times. Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays!!!

Major Setback

I know my trip home has had some speed bumps along the way. I knew that would be the case. Last time was easier in that my grandma has a lot less rules. Having Duchess with me in circumstances like these can be complicated. I know she is used to having free reign of my house. So it has been challenging to say the least. I know I hate when I am away from home at times because it is easier  to maintain my normal routine. I know recently I have had occasion also lows. Sadly I had a bad low on Sunday afternoon. I had to church with my dad and nephew. Then we went to get some Christmas shopping done. I had some crazy movements in blood sugar after eating cereal. Sometimes I can eat with no problems other times it can cause me issues. Then my pump site went bad all after eating breakfast.

Normally if I was going to go shopping after church I would have eaten oatmeal or things which seem to keep me level. I was rushed that morning. I remember the ride home after shopping and then I came out of it as the EMS showed up. My blood sugar was 26. I thought it was interesting that the paramedic s thought it was unusual to be talking at blood sugar of 26 but  I have low and holding conversation. I know that my exercising is also why I bounced back quickly as well. They treated me as normally would. The paramedic called in to the Dr. Because I went AMA. I refused transport to the hospital. The Dr. Insisted that I needed to be seen I have these issues occasionally. I know he was pushy but I told him the only thing they would do is tell me to follow up with my Dr. I also know the Dr. was already making assumptions which would mean a lecture and saying I was not in control. I honestly know I would shut down the Dr and, be wasting time and money.

After my past couple experiences I was not willing to take carp and judgement from a Dr. Not familiar with my case. I also know that this time I did not over dose for food or have Insulin onboard at the time. I have a feeling it was related to being off schedule and extra activity. I told my family where my glucagon was located when I first got in town but they said they forgot. I know the glucagon would have been less dramatic and less stressful. I am hoping to get things back in order quickly. I am glad it's almost Christmas. Then a great deal of the stress will be gone.  I think my Dad called every relative in town to tell them what happened. I know at Christmas I will not be discussing what happened because they all do not seem to understand what my life is like. I know times like these I am so thankful to have all my Diabetic friends.

Getitng Ready to Go

I was putting the last couple of items in my suit case this morning. Duchess knew we were going some where when I got out my suitcase. She has been watching me even though I have never left here and flown without here but she has been on high alert watching me everyday start to get things organized and set up to leave. I normally get so stressed trying to have everything done before I leave but this time because I am getting over a cold I decided to take it as I get what I get done. That way I am not stressed. I know I sleep better last night because I was not stressed out about making my flight and getting things done. I know this year has been so much better than the past two for lows. I also have seen the number of lows drop at night this week so the changes I have been making seem to be helping. I am worried about waking up my dad at night because of my loud Dexcom. I normally leave it on vibrate but it is below 55 it can be so loud.

I guess it can be a good reminder that I do have more lows and that it is just a part of my life these days. I have been able to reduce the number dramatically from what it used to be. I know Duchess and my Dexcom have all helped me to make the proper adjustments as necessary. I am so happy that I have so far been able to make my December a little easier. I never was late for work because of a bad morning low. So I am making progress one day at a time. I know with continued work I will figure things out. I am thankful for all that I have been able to handle. I know figuring out to have less lows while working out was the most difficult but I am so thankful I did. I know my exercise during these past couple of months have really helped me to stay safer in a great deal of ways.

I know I can't wait to leave for my trip home. It will be great to see my family and just have some time to relax. I know I have to do a great deal of shopping when I get in but I am sure that will be fine. I know I am looking forward to hanging out with my very energetic nephew. He always says the cutest things. I have been really looking forward to my trip and its finally here.

Thankful For What I Have

I know recently I have been so busy getting ready to go on my trip. I forgot my pump at home again and it is also the day of my holiday party at work. So sadly I am trying to wing it for the day with injections instead of my pump. I know days like these are fabulous reminder to count my blessings. I love having an insulin pump and I know there has been times where I could not afford it.

So I feel incredibly blessed that I have my Diabetic alert dog Duchess, my Dexcom G4 and my Animas One Touch Ping. I am blessed to be able to afford to have all this technology when others have trouble getting insulin. I know as the holidays approach I like to think about all the reasons I am blessed beyond belief. I also have wonderful friends in the DOC and also friends who are not Diabetic. I am also thankful for my Dr. office they keep sane in the middle of the chaos I call Diabetes. I know as I prepare to leave for my extended holiday vacation I am also reminded that I am lucky to have a week and half of paid time off and the ability to take more time off. This really gives me an opportunity to see my family and enjoy the holidays.

I know everyday I feel thankful that I have Duchess she has been with me through some of very rough patches and then kept me seizure free for over two years. I am thankful for her dedication and hard work but I am most thankful for her companionship. Sometimes being seen as disabled person it can be very isolating people seem to view you as not approachable or other preconceived ideas they have of a disabled person. I am thankful for Duchess personality because she does some of the craziest things that just make me laugh and she reminds everyday to look at the big picture. She also does some of the weirdest things at times that I have never seen another dog do. I think she thinks she is one of us.

Suprise A Cold

Well I have been so busy getting ready to go and even started to drink Emergency C in preparation for my up coming flight but it was too late. My roommate brought home a cold and spread it to everyone in the house. I told him to stay away from me when he is sick because the Methotrexate I take compromises my immune system further. So I am still taking the emergency and drinking a great deal of fluids. I am hoping I will be back to my normal routine soon enough. I know once I start to feel a cold going to the gym is out of the question. I have been blessed the my blood sugars have not been to wonky over the weekend for the most part. I had a great deal of lows on Saturday so I stayed home and rested. Which probably was helpful. I had no idea I had a cold until Saturday morning and I was only sneezing occasionally. Then Sunday I woke up felt fine and as I hit Sunday night is when I noticed more of the symptoms coming on. Sunday I was busy packing and getting ready for my trip.

My goal for this week is to get the couple of things done tonight so that on Tuesday night I am not driving myself crazy trying to do too many things before I leave town. I always bath Duchess the night before we leave to help people with dog allergies. I also cleaned her dog vest as well. I always try to make sure when I am traveling that I make it as easy as possible for everyone around me. Duchess is ready to go already she was packing some of her toys the only issues is she wants to take all of her toys which is way too much. Thankfully she seemed to get that she could only take a few toys with her.

I know I am trying to make sure I rest up as much as possible but still get all my work done and all the last details before I leave on Wednesday. I know I got a great deal done this weekend so I really only have several small things to accomplish. Thankfully Duchess seems to be aware of my cold and seems to be on high alert so far nothing really dramatic so far. I know I will probably have to use a temp basal today which is fine.  I normally do not have this many colds and I hate knowing that the Methotrexate which really helps me is also playing a role in me getting another cold.

Back to Night Time Lows

I have been working hard to keep my blood sugars from being low but for the past week it has been low even with making adjustments daily. I dropped it several units down on each setting but no improvement yet. I also know working out tends to cause issues at night since I am working out around 7pm at night. Some times if I am lucky I will get to the gym around 6:45pm if possible. I am finding that every night after 12pm I nose dive so I am reducing my insulin up three hours before but I am still dropping. So I am continuing to reduce in hopes I might find just the right settings. I am thankful that I am not battling the issues like I was last year. So I am spending more time reviewing my Dexcom graphs and trying new things.

I know I am the only person who can change things right now. I know I can call my Dr. send Dexcom information and they will do the changed but I really like to figure it out on my own. I normally can figure it out but it does take some time to figure it out but I will not give up. I know recently I have been so focused on making sure I get to the gym I have no paid as much attention to the lows after working out. Most of the time I have been able to find the right settings but with all the activity and preparing to leave around the holidays. It has taken me longer than I like.

So I am hoping I will find the solution when I look at my Dexcom graphs and review my blood sugars tonight. I am really getting excited about my trip back home next Wednesday. So I am hoping to get things as smoothed out as possible before I leave.

Article About Service Dogs

I read an article today about how service do really do love to work. I think a great deal of people I have meet think having a service dog is mean. I have found from my experience that Duchess is the happiest dog I have ever owned. I know it relates to her having a purpose and a job. I know each day she gets up and is excited she gets to go to work with me. I know there are morning it is cold and she does not want to leave because the weather but she still wants to go regardless. Overall Duchess loves the constant companionship of being around me all day and most of the time I feel the same way. We do have our moments when we get on each other nerves but that is part out of being a team. I know a great deal of people think that service dogs work 24 -7 but they do get downtime. I know with my schedule I do give her hours each night where she can just be a dog. Having down time is necessary for all of us and Duchess is no different. I am thankful everyday that she is so willing to go to work with me. She is always excited even though there could be scary moments.

I have meet so many people who worry that being a service dog is bad for Duchess's health but I find the opposite to be true. She exercises more frequently, eats high quality food that is measured, is examined for any issues regularly and learns new things frequently. These all help to keep her lean, catch issues sooner for medical issues and also keep her mind active. I know so many people make assumptions that just are not true. What they don't understand is that we both benefit from our partnership.

http://www.anythingpawsable.com/ragen-mcgowan-study-service- dog/  

I am still not a hundred percent sure what happened with Duchess this past weekend. I have been making her rest more and now she seems to be getting back to normal. She is full of energy and is back to running around like she normally does. I always worry that she injured herself after two incidents earlier this year where she had soft tissue damage when she was out playing in the back yard. So I am really relieved with up coming travel and flights that she is better. I know she is very active so the past couple of days seems to have been difficult for her but I also know that if she rests and it allows her to heal up faster. The interesting part of the past couple of days is that even though I know she was not feeling great she never stopped alerting.

I know I plan on continuing to limit her activity at least till the end of the week just to make sure if she did injure herself that we are not making it worse by allowing her to play vigorously. I know Duchess is really hyper when she does play ball she tends to get way too excited and I worry now about what will happen. I am extremely fortunate she did not seem to injure herself bad enough to go to the vet last time she was on pain medication and other medications for several weeks. I know I prefer for my best friend to be injury free. I know as Duchess ages I will need to be careful about what I allow her to do. She seems to be getting injuries so much easier these days.

Good News Everything Was Normal

I went to have my ultra sound yesterday and everything came back normal which is really good news. I am not completely comfortable sharing what the issue is currently. With the good news means that I had to be prepared to make a decision for options to address the issues I have been experiencing. The options all have draw backs or possible side effects. So my choice is not easy and I don't know what I will experience and not experience. So I was faced with knowing which option I was going to go with the Dr. and I discussed the options available and any questions I had. So I am going to go forward with the option I thought would be best but I also and not sure I picked the right option per say but I will know in January once I get the small procedure done.

At this point I am thankful that everything was fine. I am going to question how everything is until I get to find out if the option I picked will work for me. I am really hoping this will fix my issue so I can get back to focusing on what I am more familiar with my Diabetes. I know this is just another thing I will deal with but if it works I won't have to worry about it for several year which is nice. I know as a Diabetic some side issues can end up taking a back seat which is what happened because I just did not have enough time to delve into the issue. I am glad I was able to get this done before my work really gets busy. Which is s a real blessing. It is sad that I plan my appointments around my schedule of the busy times at work. I know if something really important comes up I do address it.

I have to admit I was extremely nervous yesterday and I am extremely relieved. I think that the Diabetes things are much easier for me to stomach than other things that can come up. I know I learned a great deal from yesterday experience and again I was reminded how much Duchess does for me. She really helps me to keep busy and she keep me really more laid back during these nervous times. I know I have to admit I depend upon her emotionally more than I realize at times. She is always with me not matter the situation. So that is a true blessing.

Crazy Blood Sugars/ Duchess and Injuries again

I had a busy weekend of a great deal of things I needed to get done. I then started having issues with lows that were lasting for hours. The bad part is that I would eat as little as possible but even with watching how many carbs I still ended up spiking. One was a bad spike to 300 then a quick drop back down to 50. I spend both Saturday and Sunday fighting lows and highs. Then it seems to be starting up again today. The interesting thing is that I did not eat anything that normally would spike my blood sugar and I actually have not idea why the crazy blood sugars. The interesting things is that I was not stressed at all in fact I got more accomplished than I thought I would. The best part is that I am now a little more prepared for my upcoming trip home to Seattle. I know I am really looking forward to the time off to relax and have some fun. I just need more cooperation from my blood sugars but I feel blessed because right now things are much calmer than last December when I was having a great deal of bad lows in the early morning hours.

It seems Duchess might have injured herself sometime this weekend. She is occasionally whining. I am not sure what she did because I did not see when it happened. So I am not sure if she has soft tissue damage to her leg again or if she did something else. I am hoping that if I do end up going to the vets that the process can be taken care of quickly so Duchess is back to her normal self. I depend upon her more than I like to admit and I know that as she ages she is more likely to have injuries like these. It does not help that Duchess thinks she is 6 month old puppy who can do anything.

Hoping my best friend is feeling better her soon. I know I am making her have more down time so she can rest and hopefully heal. It is nice that we are only working a portion of the day I have an ultra sound today and so we will only be working several hours and then leaving for the day. The only good part of that is that Duchess will have more time to rest. I know last night I was trying to keep her on the bed and not allowing her to move around much. I know Duchess does not like to rest but I will make sure she does as little as possible with not play time at work because she can injure herself further. That is her favorite time of the day is when we play. Last time it took two weeks to heal so hoping we can get her back to normal a little quicker this time.

Creating Emergency Plans for Work

I am back to working on my emergency plan for work which I have been working on and on for a while. There was one created by some one else but I found it to give too much of my personal information away and also asked people to do things they would not normally ask of them. Thankfully I am working on a version of my emergency plan for work that I am comfortable with currently.  Making an emergency plan that is easy to read during an emergency can be a little difficult. I did provide pictures of my pump, and Dexcom in case EMS asks what they are. They usually can tell what the Insulin pump is but the Dexcom seems to be the one they are unfamiliar with. I am really trying to make the form as simple as possible so I don't overwhelm people who might be trying to help me.

I know this process of creating the forms can be very difficult because everyone wants the instructions this way or that way which makes it difficult for me to create what will work for everyone. So at this point I gave up and I am trying to do it in the best way I can. I know people learn things differently so I have pictures when possible for people who learn by seeing and written instruction when they prefer written instructions.

I know updating the instructions as this time is difficult because I think I should be getting my Animas Vibe in January right after the training. So I will need to update the instructions I just finished. Thankfully I will not get another pump until June of 2016. So I won't have to update the sheet after I get my new pump. I like to identify the pump so they know if EMS asks questions. I know it probably makes things easier as well if they know what an item is. I know most people at work do not seem to notice my pump much. So showing pictures can be helpful.

When Other Things Show Up

I know at times when other things happen medically that is not associated with Diabetes it can really send you into a tailspin at times. I know recently I have had an issue for a while that I kept putting off because frankly I was tired of dealing with all the appointments, equipment and other items. I knew the Dr. was going to tell me that yes I will need other things to be checked out before we can determine the solution. With it being in the middle of the holidays it can be even more overwhelming when I am trying to rush to get an ultrasound done before I leave for my vacation.

I know I also was given all this medical pamphlets to review and I am supposed to be able to tell the Dr. by next Monday what option I want to go with. So all this information is swirling in my head and I am just trying to make the best decision for me. I know sadly no one my friends have had to choose these options so I having to go off reviews and other information which I have found to make things worse.

I know with all this recent appointments and other decision I had to make it has taken some of the intense focus on my Diabetes away. Which has been nice but I am also making sure to keep myself safe by keeping up with my exercise and trying to keep the stress down. I know until now I did not realize how focused I am just on my Diabetes and how some of the less noticeable issues I tend to avoid until it is screaming for my attention to an extent.

So I know I should have done a better job of following up but at times I feel like I live at the Dr.'s. I do well with the annual eye exams, dental visits and other things but sometimes I fall behind with things like I will deal with it when I go in my annual exam etc. I am going to try and work on this. I am not looking forward to my ultrasound, but I know I will have more upcoming appointments. I am not looking forward too, but I am thankful that at least on the Diabetes front I am not burnt out right now. I am looking forward to getting this problem addressed so I can just have the one constant thing I am used to dealing with.

I Saw Myself in the Article

I know I read an article yesterday that made my cry. I know sadly I saw myself in the article except I was a teenage is the only difference. I know I was probably depressed for around 4 years before my parents even noticed. I know have dealt with depression through most of my time as a Diabetic. When I was a young child with Diabetes through the year I was never once asked about I was doing emotionally with handling my chronic condition which makes so sad that no one cared enough for me as the patient to even check. I did see some really knowledgeable physicians but they were really terrible about getting what it must be like to be the patient instead I got you are a bad person because your A1c was not where they wanted it to be. Thankfully today the Endocrinologist are at least starting to understand that they can't ignore the elephant in the room because the elephant can make things even more difficult to manage.

I have spent more time dealing with depression as I have gotten complications but I know that is not because my Endocrinologist does not address the issues. in fact I am beyond blessed because they always ask me how I am doing and if I feel like things are getting to be too much. They always try to find ways to help me find balance with my chronic illness. I know that I will always deal with burn out and depression but I also know that if I have a plan of action in place I can still continue to manage my Diabetes while dealing with elephant in the room. I know it can be so difficult to deal with as a child and I know that for a parent it would be incredibly difficult. I know at 18 I finally was treated for my depression and I had to go to counseling and take antidepressants. I know I still use some of the advice I received in counseling back then today.

I know dealing with any illness can affect so much of any one's life. I know dealing with my depression was difficult and not only affect me but also my family. I know it was difficult for my parents to deal with but I am glad we talked about it openly as well. I am very aware that some antidepressants can affect young children in a negative way as well. So getting on the proper medication would essential to getting the proper treatment. There is so much to finding a good balance when having Diabetes and finding what you need to be happy at times can be the most challenging. I know my heart breaks reading the story and I know I relate the child in the story more that I like to admit. I know that mental illness have always had this blame mentality attached to it when there really should be no blame.

http://asweetlife.org/feature/when-type-1-diabetes-is-too-much-for-a-child-to-bear/

Animas Vibe

I have been waiting anxiously for the Animas Vibe to finally be approved and it finally has been. I know when I bought the Animas One Touch Ping I purchased it because I had heard about the Dexcom was going to be intergrated with the Animas product and decided I liked the idea I could upgrade when the Animas Vibe came out. I was told the upgrade total would be 99.00 dollars which is pretty reasonable. So I called in yesterday to order the Animas Vibe I was so excited that I can get the intergrated system that actually has the more reliable Dexcom Sensor. I have tried Medtronics in the past and ended up only using the pump feature because the system was terrible. I am sure there has been improvements but not enough for me to change.

I have not upgraded under the ezAcess Pump Upgrade program with Animas before. I just bought my Animas One Touch Ping in 2012. The program works that the cost is 799.00 but there is the option for a rebate when you send in your old Animas Ping for $700.00. The final cost after rebate will be $99.00 dollars plus tax. The bad part is that you need to have $799.00 on your card Available for the full purchase price. Then once they receive you Animas Ping they will then process your rebate. Rebate takes from 4-6 weeks according to the forms I was filling out.

Below is from the Animas Website about upgrading but it does not list the Animas Vibe option just yet. I know I was told my Animas Vibe will ship out in January. I know I can't wait till I get my new pump seems like it took forever to get the integrated version.

Our ezAccess Upgrade Program makes it possible for current Animas pumpers to experience our latest pumping technology. Interested in upgrading to a OneTouch^® Ping^™ glucose management system? See upgrade details or call us at 1-877-937-7867, option 3.

Animas Insulin Pump Upgrade Details

The date of the original purchase of your Animas^® insulin pump will determine the cost of a OneTouch Ping system:
Purchased less than 12 months: $399.00
12 to 23 months from original purchase date: $599.00
24 to 35 months from original purchase date: $799.00
36 to 47 months from original purchase date: $999.00

The above insulin pump upgrade details are effective November 2008; pricing, terms and conditions for the Animas^® ezAccess Upgrade Program are subject to change, at any time, without notice.

Terms and Conditions for ezAccess Upgrade Program:

Billing: Once your new OneTouch Ping ships, your credit card will be billed.
Warranty: The remaining warranty on your current Animas pump will apply to your new OneTouch Ping.
Insurance: This is not a reimbursable program and Animas Corporation is not able to bill insurance for the ezAccess Upgrade Program.
Trade In: You are required to return your current Animas insulin pump within 30 days of receipt of your new OneTouch Ping to:
Animas Corporation
200 Lawrence Drive
West Chester, PA 19380.

A postage paid envelope with delivery confirmation will be provided. If you do not return your old Animas insulin pump, you will be billed for the full amount of the new OneTouch Ping glucose management system.

Exclusions: The ezAccess Upgrade Program is not a covered benefit under the Medicare and Medicaid programs. Patients covered by Medicare and Medicaid are not eligible for this program. November 2008; pricing, terms and conditions for the Animas^® ezAccess Upgrade Program are subject to change, at any time, without notice.

Goals for This Month

My goal this December is too keep my life as stress free as possible even with all the recent changes at work. I know so far I have been able to feel less stressed by having all my shopping list done already and shipping items home for Christmas so it will be there when I arrive. I am trying to carry very little with me on the plane and to avoid any issues if possible. The past two years I had great issue with bad lows during the beginning of December but I know with working out I feel like I am helping to keep my stress down and I also have a budget as well. Since I have taken the time to create lists of what I want to purchase and the amount I am looking to spend I feel like I am doing quite well. I also am getting as much done before I have to fly instead of last minute the night before I leave if I can stay as relaxed a possible I know this will help me navigate a fun but challenging time of year. I also have a plan for all basal changes as well last year I dropped 6-8 units off my normal basal rate so I am expecting to need to drop it another couple of units in the next two weeks.

I think I feel more confident because I have a plan of action and I also know that keeping my stress down will really make my holiday a little easier. I know I already finished shopping for my best friend Duchess I love spoiling her and she really deserves every bit of extra I can give her. I know with all the upcoming travel I am already getting together all her records I travel with and also all the items Duchess will need for the travel to Seattle for Christmas. It is hard to believe it is already December and I am trying to get it done so quickly. I know if I don't finish my shopping before I leave for Seattle I can finish it there which is nice. I am trying to keep in mind that most things can wait and will be accomplished but not always as quick as I might want. I am looking forward to my vacation but I am also hoping to keep my self as safe as possible as well.
 

Full of Surprises

I was really surprised that I answered a phone call yesterday from My Dr. Office and to my surprise it was my Endocrinologist. He was sending in a refill for my insulin pump supplies. It is usual these days to have a Dr. actually call the patient. I really expect the staff to contact me, but I really love the attention to detail my Dr. has and the Physician assistant I see regularly. They really surprise me sometimes with how much they care and how well they manage having so many long term type 1 Diabetics in one office. I know I am still surprised by how hard they work to get me what I need. I know I am truly blessed and I wish I had found this Dr. years ago because my life would have been much simpler if I had.

I know with all my other non D related issues I am experiencing I can always call my PA and she will recommend a Dr. for me to see. The office staff is friendly and caring as well. I am pleased that with their help my health is always improving and most of all they listen to my concerns as the patient. I know a great deal of Dr. do not spend the time to discuss this with patients. I know I love the fact that they ask me how I am doing besides my Diabetes which is nice because my Diabetes does not define me but it is just something I deal with.

I also love that they really take the time to understand what Duchess does for me. I know they have recommended that other patients who have issues similar to mine that they look into getting a Diabetic Alert dog. They give all the patients looking into it my contact information so I give them the good and the bad of having a service dog. I love that I can help others on their journeys as well. 

Some Times Just Ordering is Complicated

Normally I can go online to Express Scripts and Animas and order my supplies. Recently I spent over two weeks emailing Express Scripts because there was no option for me to reoder my insulin. I guess they are hoping I will use Humalog even if I have an allergy to that insulin. I never knew you could get hives and bleed out your infusion sets from a drug allergy but that is what happens for me. So now I am told because I have an exception on file I have to call in and waste a whole bunch of my time talking with Express Scripts now. I was really pissed off because I just wanted to know how I could get my prescription refilled and it took me weeks to accomplish this task. I did mention that I was almost of my Insulin due to length of time I took to get my insulin refilled. The good part is that I ordered that day and it shipped that day overnight to my home thankfully. I know I could call my Dr.'s office if I came close they usually have samples.

The Animas issue has been with trying to order online as well normally I go on put the items in the cart, answer insurance questions, enter credit card and request to bill insurance. Every time I entered in my credit card information the system would error out contact system administrator. So I finally got tired of trying the website and call Animas. I find out that they recently did changes to the website and in the process my card on file lost some of the number and the item I was trying to order was back ordered. So it was those issues that prevented me from ordering. It also had my previous Dr. listed instead of my current Physician . The system also in general was giving most customers issue and most people are having to call in orders. So after all my fiasco's with re-ordering this month I am glad I will have all my supplies ready for my upcoming trip in December. I know sometimes have a chronic illness and dealing with the issues of just trying to get your supplies can really test one's nerves. I was never rude and up set when I talked with the customer service I really just wanted to know that my order was on its way.

It was So Much More

I went to receive my Lilly Journey Award at the party my Dr.'s office was throwing last night. I arrived and the room was really full of people. There was 30 25 years medals presented and 12 50 year medals to be presented. I noticed as I walked in the room that by far I was the youngest person receiving a medal in the 25 year category. I guess I was really surprised by this because I have meet quite a few people diagnosed like I was at 18 months old. So I was a little surprised. I had a really delightful time talking with a man and his wife. He was relieving his 50 year medal. They asked how long I had had Diabetes and I told them 34 years. The man says to me their is not way you are even 30 years old but I am in my 30's so it was a very nice compliment.

I meet quite a few people and their was also Dexcom representative, Fifty 50 Diabetic Supplies representative and  Eli Lilly Representatives. I was shocked that Eli Lilly executives were their last night to present the medal to us. I just thought Amy my Physician's Assistant and My Endocrinologist would be the one's presenting the awards. They did a video presentation and then the awards were given. I know when I received my award my I was extremely proud and honored. I was struck with a incredibly deep sadness at the same time. I was thinking of my mother as I was receiving my award and thinking how proud she would be of me today. I know I was able to meet so many patients it was incredible to be in a room full of incredible people who are fight the same disease. I know my head is still spinning after last night from all the interactions.

I went home last night and cried. I was really missing my mother who also was a type 1 if she was still alive she would have meet her 25 year anniversary as well. I know I will always miss her she was such an incredible person who did so much for me and I eternally grateful to have her as my mom. I know I just needed to cry in happiness and sadness last night. I know I will be thinking a great deal about my mother as the holidays approach but I know she was with me last night when I received my medal.

Feeling More Relaxed

I am happy that today is much less stressful after all the co motion at work has settled. There was a great deal of fluctuation yesterday in my blood sugar because of all the changes at work. I am okay with the change because it is meaning that my job is becoming more manageable  as things will change. I know that working out every night this week has really seemed to help me cope with all the craziness. I know the next couple of months will be more stressful and I plan to continue to make sure that I am able to continue to exercise as things continue to be stressful. I have noticed that before this year I would have been having a great deal of lows right now because of all the stress but this time I feel relaxed and focused. It is really nice to know that my exercise is really helping me to handle things better.

I know after this week a good distraction is just what I need. I am really looking forward to my Lilly Journey Award presentation by my Dr.'s office tonight for my 25 year medal. I know it seems strange to be getting it now with my 35th year Diabetes anniversary coming up next March. I am still amazed with the fact that my Dr. office is making this such a bid deal but it really also makes receiving the medal a little more special. I know all of Diabetes work hard to keep things going day after day so tonight will be a nice reminder of this. I know I am also looking forward to meeting other long term type 1 Diabetics at the event. I am hoping they continue to offer more events for to attend. I have to say I do love my Endocrinologist team.

Shocking Changes

I know yesterday events are still in my head. I never expected my boss to be laid off yesterday along with a supervisor for another part of Inventory. I know my boss and me have had issues along the way but we always were able to work it out. I just never dreamed that this would happen. I know we added new people to our department recently which I have benefited from greatly so I am happy they did so. I am still in a state of shock and I am not sure how to process two people who have been here much of  the past three years. I know them being laid off has me incredibly concerned with my own job as well. We did have a big meeting for all staff to discuss any questions or concerns but honestly I was so shocked I could barely put together all the questions I had.

I know I felt the stress coming on yesterday and I knew working out would help me to clear my head for at least an hour or two. I know it was cold out but going to the gym was the best decision. I left feeling overall better and a little less like I had an elephant on my back. I am still upset today and I know I was upset because it is the holidays and anyone losing a job right now is not good. Thankfully they told us during the meeting that they will get paid for the next 60 days their normal paychecks while on Administrative Leave. The University will get them first priority in finding a job with in the University with another department. So hopefully they will be able to find employment quickly. I know I am hoping that I will be able to not feel like I am on the way out because people were laid off. The HR said we had too many employee's which means they don't have the budge to pay for all our salaries. I feel blessed to have my job today but I am still concerned. They assured us that the lay offs were done but I am not sure I believe that.

The interesting thing about all the shock my blood sugars really stayed steady and my night time lows were a minimum. So even though I did not sleep much and there is a great deal of changes I have to say at least my Diabetes was not causing more chaos this morning and yesterday. I normally would expect big drops and or big surges up or down. Thankfully my Diabetes was okay. I know working out probably really helped me to keep things more level.

Double Checking

I normally know if I have a high blood sugar I need to make sure my hands were clean. This weekend I was busy rushing around and tested. It said 226 but my Dexcom was saying 148. I bolused and then it finally dawned on me that yes I should have gotten out some alcohol wipes out and cleaned my hands before I bolused. Sure enough I was really 148 and not 226. So I ended up eating something because I did not want to crash. I was not hungry so I was not the happiest person having to eat more because of my mistake. So I checked my blood sugar on Sunday and It was high in the morning saying I was 294 but I decided to double check before I bolused. Sure enough I was actually 132 instead of 294 which made me very happy. It is so easy to just bolus but I know I feel better if I feel normal but the meter is telling me something different.

I know I am glad I did not rage bolus during both of these times because I would be eating quite a bit of food if that was the case. I am glad its a new week but a great reminder if you think your blood sugar is not making sense wash hands and retest. I know if I do use alcohol I let it dry completely before pricking my finger that way I do not skew the results with the alcohol. I am glad that I am doing more thinking before I act especially when it comes to my blood sugars. That way I give myself time to evaluate what might be going on or if I need to send more insulin in. Thankfully my blood sugars were overall not too bad and thankfully my blood sugars were not bad overnight. So I was actually able to sleep. I know I really need that sleep to avoid bad lows.

World Diabetes Day

It feels like this year that World Diabetes Day is here so quickly. I know this year I have felt a little overwhelmed by it all in some ways but I think we all do during this one month especially. I know I have been blogging for several years now and I still can't believe I have been doing it this long. I know I am inspired by you all and I really appreciate all the support over the past couple of years. I know I feel like I have a family of sorts. I know since my own family seems to truly of forgotten about things it is nice to know others truly understand and that is priceless.

I know after my recent seizure I realized I need to forgive myself because at the end of the day I am human and I will make mistakes even with 34 years under my belt. I know my family seems to think I won't make mistakes but I know I do from over bolusing, to rage bolusing, and other things. I know at times I may not register in my own brain that yes I need to treat my low or that I need to eat more. I know I will always do my best and at the end of the day that is enough. I know I am still learning as I go and I think we all are no matter how long we have had Diabetes.

I know we all tend to get so wrapped up in how things went wrong that sometimes we forget that things are not always that simple to figure out. So I know I am glad that I am able to say to myself that I did the best I could and I am moving on. I am looking forward to being able to join in the Twitter chats later today.

A Little Uneasy

There is a great deal of the time I feel incredibly frustrated dealing with my own family. I know because of the distance between my family and me they tend to not always be aware of the moments of scary that I have from time to time. I know my Dad last time I was home got all pissed off because I had a bad low when I was at his house but yet had no gluten free items either. So I know this time I am sending a box of gluten free items in advance to his house so I have the items I am used to for this reason. Last time I stayed at my grandmas house and she was really helpful in that she bought plenty of gluten free items I could eat. Grandma always has ice cream and other things I could eat on hand. So this time staying with my father has me worried because he fights me on the fact I have Celiac disease. He thinks its a lifestyle choice but it's not. My whole family back home thinks the lows are my fault even though I am doing the best I can.

This combination of factors really makes me nervous about going home for the holidays. I know when people are not around to see the low and the moments of scary they tend to forget. I know they were all there as I was growing up but they seemed to have forgotten what it was like. I know with them forgetting no matter what I am doing I will be blamed that is a great deal of pressure for me to make sure I don't have a bad low but I am not sure I can prevent them all. I know after my recent seizure I am likely to have another possibly so I need to be as on top of things as possible. I know my experience last time has left me feeling overwhelmed. I know my family does not want to talk about complications or other issues. I do not let them know about bad issues when they happen because I feel like they just lead to harsh judgements. I do talk with my sister about some of my bad lows or seizures but not all of them. So I feel a little vulnerable when I visit home.

Reactions From Public

Some days I have to laugh at the reactions I see from Duchess being in stores, malls and airports is quite entertaining.  There is the people who make a huge deal that they are afraid of dogs but they are also coming right up next to her. Then there is the people who bark at Duchess which is quite strange that an adult would bark at a dog. I know I expect that from children but not adults. Then there are the people who are allergic to dogs who ask me to leave the store, but I generally tell them to shop in different aisles from me and Duchess. I always try to be accommodating as possible. There are times though I actually think the people are making things up as a reason I should not be in the store. I do see some people who see her and think that they can do a walk by pet and think it is acceptable.

The one reaction I hate the most is the screaming children who when they see her make it a huge deal. I am not sure why they have that reaction, but people in public tend to make things more difficult for a service dog team when they scream and yell. They tend to draw attention which I know I don't want. Most of the time my goal is to get in and out a place like a normal person would. I know people do not mean to cause issues when I am out shopping or getting things done but making a huge fuss tends to make things more difficult for us. I know Duchess and I am are used to all the fuss, but honestly I would love the opportunity to feel a little more normal. These days life is already stressful enough but having just a little less is always appreciated. When a service dog is around I know it can be exciting and interesting.

I have some tips on how to interact with service dog teams

Avoid asking about disability because that is truly a very personal question and in fact these days I normally do not answer those questions because I have meet quite a few who knowledge is not accurate about Diabetes.

Do not attract attention to service dog teams. The dog is there to assist their handler. Most handlers love to not have attention drawn to them. They are trying to live a normal life.

Do not try to distract a service dog they attention is needed for the tasks they were trained for. Such as kissy noises, barking, screaming, and other loud noises.

Do not pet a service dog without permission. Some dogs like Duchess can become distracted at times and she needs her space to be able to do her job appropriately.

Discussion in the Grocery Store

 

I was at the grocery store on Sunday shopping and was approached by a woman. She came over to tell me she loved the line on her patch " I don't pet you while you are working". I know she was laughing at how catchy the patch was. I told her that if I can get the general public to think before they pet they might realize that they really need to keep their hands to themselves. I know the woman said she could not understand why people do not follow the instructions. I told her the children are the best at following what the patches say, but the adults are the issue most of the time. She said that did not surprise her. I know she said she wish more people knew that disrupting her does not help her when she is working. I could not agree more. I know the more people that leave her alone the more it allows me to just concentrate on what I am doing and less on what other people are doing. I know so far this patch really seems to be stopping people in their tracks which I am thankful for.


I then was at another store close by that I pick up certain items at which is a larger grocery store chain. A woman at check out commented that Duchess did not seem happy. I told her that a grocery store for her is an obstacle course in a great deal of ways. She has been hit by carts and people bump into her and she has had kids bug her. I know that even for me grocery stores are my lease favorite place to take Duchess because of all the hazards we both can face. Things like dogs paws being stepped on, things falling off the shelves, carts and other issues like wet floors. All these can really make shopping not so much fun. I know I used to not hate shopping at grocery stores the way I do today. I also know that thankfully I am able to limit the trips to the store most of the time which makes us both happier.

Just Thankful

I know every Diabetes Awareness Month I always struggle in many ways. I know my mom was also a Type 1 Diabetic too so this month is very difficult. When she passed away she was the only Diabetic I knew and I was completely lost. I thankfully was goggling some information about Hypoglycemia Unawareness online when I came across TuDiabetes which really saved me in a great deal of ways. For the first time I meet a large amount of really great Diabetics online and I had a place to vent about all the diabetic stuff I was facing. I was not alone and I had a great place to share what I had learned with others as well. I do not visit TuDiabetes much these days because of my blog and my latest adventures are keeping me incredibly busy.  I know I am thankful for advocates like Manny Hernandez who created TuDiabetes.

Karen , Duches and I at FFL

I am thankful for all the people I have meet since I have started blogging and the friends I have made at conferences. I am blessed to have you all in my life. I know I have learned a great deal from everyone. Life with Diabetes can be so crazy and I know mine always has been. Thank you for listening to my moments of scary and dealing with my crazy skin allergies to my Dexcom giving me issues over the past couple of years. I know I much stronger than I have ever been because I know I am not alone in my fight with Diabetes and that is truly priceless. I know I have had so much fun at this past Friends for Life Conference. I look forward to it every year because I get to see my great friends. I know I wish I could attend more of the conferences but I know I am just thrilled even if I only get to see everyone just once a year.

Kelly Duchess and I  at FFL in July

Thank you to all who have been following me along for all my adventures and triumphs. It has been great being able to share my experiences. Thank you for allowing me to share what I have learned from complications. That has been the hardest thing blog about but I would not change a thing. I know a great friend who shares loss similar to mine had to deal with voice messages and I am proud she was able to get through it. I know dealing with a loss of a parent that has Diabetes can be difficult. I know talking with Kelly at FFL I know she really understood. So nice to meet others who understand.

Duchess Sleeping on Kelly's purse at FFL

One of Those Days

Today has been a day of low low low. I woke up and looked at my Dexcom it was low solid from 12pm to 4am when I finally heard my Dexcom wailing. I went to work hoping for my blood sugars to even out. So far sadly that has not happened and the other part of the time my Dexcom thinks I am 50 when I am actually 90. So it has been an irritating morning with bad weather and bad blood sugars. Even Duchess looks exhausted and its early in the day. I know my blood sugars have been really affected by the time change even though I am trying to stay on the same schedule.

Hoping my Diabetes will give me a break. I am hoping I will be able to work out tonight but if the lows continue I am not sure I will make it to the gym. I am going to give it my best shot. Even if I only make it through a portion of my normal workout.

I Am More Than a Type

I get frequently asked what type am I ? Instead of saying type 1 I am going to say several things. I am an incredibly stoic person for one. I don't normally lose my cool during emergencies and tend to extremely focused during those times when I had to help others. I get this from my mother who was a nurse and great grandmother. I come from a long line of incredibly strong women who tend to not complain and just deal with what it at hand. I know no matter what happened they never gave up they were very strong even though they faced a great deal of adversity. I know I have faced some as well in my own life and I know I will always be a better person because of the lessons I have learned. I know some people may assume I am cold, but that is really the furthest from the truth. I am incredibly caring but you really have to get to know me before you get to see who I really am. I am incredibly shy and I know some people have seen me when I was really stretching myself to be more outgoing.

I am a perfectionist who is way too serious but also very sarcastic person as well. I am a runner who has dreams of pushing myself to finish my next big adventure. I am an adrenaline junkie who has driven a real race car, drove a combine, and who is sky diving this month. I love to zip-line and try new things. I am the person who loves to feel the adrenaline pumping through my body even though I know it will affect my blood sugar. I am the person who loves to push the envelope at work and who pushes to changes things that are not working.

I am the person who will help a friend out because they need my help. I am the person who loves to challenge myself. I am the daughter who's dad tells her not to do something, but I do it just to prove him wrong. He does not always support my idea of doing exercise for long periods of time because it is dangerous but I don't want Diabetes to win. So I do it anyway. I love  a challenge and love to figure out how I can do it. I will always be the person who wants to do more. I will always be the person who loves to give myself the opportunity to achieve great things event though no on will believe it is possible.

I am not define by my Diabetes and never will be. I will always be the girl that is strong and does not give up because that is always who I have been. Diabetes will not stop me it will only be something I have to deal with. I know some people may find me inspiring I will always see myself as a person who is just trying to have a normal life regardless of Diabetes.I will always struggle with lows but I will not let it define who I become because I can change how I view things regardless of how others view me. I am not a type but I am a person with a chronic illness who is trying to live a normal life.

The Need for Annual Eye Exams

I received an email last week from USRETINA. They are offering some free screenings this month of November Diabetes Awareness month. I know my own experience with Diabetic Retinopathy thankfully has been well taken care of. I have lost zero vision except for my night vision. The loss of the night vision is due to laser procedures to address the Retinopathy. I know there is no symptoms of Retinopathy until it shows up. I know when I went back to college just before my Retinopathy showed up. I know the first year I was able to afford to see the optomologist without insurance but the second year of college sadly I had several extra books for class and other unexpected expenses come up. So I could not afford to get my eyes screened. Then I started my job and I was on probation so I limited how many appointments I could go to.

So I had scheduled and eye exam and then the week before my Retinopathy showed up. I know I was told to not worry that it was not moving very quickly and I know my Alc was 5.8 at the time so I know I was well controlled. I know I am glad I choose to do what I needed to do for me. I know my Endocrinologist at the time wanted me to run my Alc much higher but I also know that my choice to run it where I was comfortable is also why today I have lost no vision and currently my eyes look great. I know I am fortunate that I was able to get the care I needed. I was excited that this month they are offering some free screenings.

The website that has links to the locations for where the free screenings is on the below links. Please feel free to share with others. I know there are people who like me wanted to get screened but did not have the means to get access to this kind of care. Annual eye exams are really important the sooner they can address an issue and prevent further damage. I know I wish they had this available when I was in college because the low cost health clinics were very expensive.

Pensacola, FL — USRetina, a national association of retina surgeons and practices, is backing a collaborative effort across multiple retina practices and health systems to provide at least thirty free diabetic retinopathy screening events in thirty days during Diabetes Awareness Month in November. US Retina announced the national initiative as eye care professionals and industry representatives gathered from around the world at the American Academy of Ophthalmology conference in Chicago. 

“My colleagues and I are on a mission to reduce and eventually eliminate the leading causes of irreversible blindness in this country: diabetic retinopathy and macular degeneration,” said Sunil Gupta, M.D., USRetina Co-founder and CMO. “Payers, primary care providers, and retina specialists are all joining the cause, and this is only the beginning. We want to encourage a national conversation about the practical steps we can take to eliminate Diabetic Retinopathy as a leading cause of vision loss, much like the United Kingdom has done.”

The American Academy of Ophthalmology recommends that all patients with diabetes receive an annual eye exam for Diabetic Retinopathy. Unfortunately nearly sixty percent of diabetics go untested each year, leading to unnecessary vision loss for hundreds of thousands of patients each year. The risk of going blind can be reduced by 95% with early detection and appropriate follow-up care.

USRetina practices are teaming up with the diabetes care experts at IRIS: Intelligent Retinal Imaging Systems to provide free diabetic retinopathy screening events in communities across the country using automated retinal imaging cameras and an advanced cloud-based grading platform. 

“It all starts with ensuring patients with diabetes receive their annual eye exam,” said Jason Crawford, CEO of IRIS. "With the right technology and solution, patients can be easily and accurately assessed for the presence of Diabetic Retinopathy at the point of care, with the results returned to the patient’s primary care 

http://www.retinalscreenings.com/ 

www.USRetina.com 

 

Glad Things Turned Out to be Fine

I always end up saying that I had not need to worry before my Endocrinologist appointment. I love the office I see and I am blessed that they understand how hard I work. They know I am always trying new things to keep my blood sugar in line. I know I thought my A1c went up but it was the same for all my A1c's this year which is great. I know I feel blessed they are constantly working with me to figure out the craziness I call my diabetes. I know we discussed my seizure and we looked at the Dexcom data before the seizure and honestly it looked like a great day for me until that point.

So we are just taking it easy and if anything comes up such as a bad low or seizure they want me to call. I told them that this time my blood sugars were very level and not too difficult to handle so I did not call to discuss the issue with them. I feel like I made the correct call. I know in the past once I had a seizure it was really easy to go back into another seizure but this time has really been different. I do not know what to expect but I am just going to continue to do my best.

I know my Dr. was not upset about the seizure they told me they were proud that I had worked so hard and that not having a seizure for two years was a reflection of my work. So I know I can count on them to be supportive even when I had initially had trouble seeing that it just happens. I know their will always be the good times and the bad times dealing with my diabetes. So today I am just celebrating that yes hard work does help and that yes I will make mistakes but at the end of the day I have a great team behind me.

Why Do I Panic Every Time

I know I am really not looking forward to my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow. My Animas One Touch Ping had been creating higher blood sugars which took me a while to figure out. I did not figure it out till last Friday when it was going back into constant prime mode. I know I was incredibly frustrated that was what was causing all the higher blood sugars I was experiencing. It turns out the motor was sending less insulin in than it was supposed to be which was causing me to use temp basal rates to keep things in check. Thankfully I am pretty resourceful and was able to figure out things as I went. I noticed that the pump was asking to be primed more frequently and then the higher blood sugars appeared. I just wish I had noticed sooner. This also leaves me with questions about my recent seizures could the pump be part of the issue. I know I had had some issues over the past month but I was so busy it took me a while to put all the fact together.

Animas did get me out a pump quickly and they are looking into the pump when I send it back. They are checking to see if the issues were caused by the pump malfunctioning. I am hope the spend the time to review everything and get any of the issues resolved. I am not sure I will ever know if the seizure was insulin pump related but it very well could have been. I am really glad I was able to get back to the more normal blood sugars I am used to seeing. I am back to less lows and very few highs which I prefer. So I know most likely my A1c has went up but I have no idea how much but at least I know what happened. I have been at the say Alc number for over a year and I will be sad if it goes up. I am not expecting a large jump but a slight one will not hurt.

I know the Dr. will be okay with the fact it went up. I know they are pleased that I work so hard to begin with. I just was hoping to keep things where it currently is but I also know that is really hard to do. Sometimes my body likes to change dramatically and it can take a while to figure out how to handle the issues. So I know I am happy that normally all my blood work comes back normal so normally the only one I worry about is my A1c thankfully. I know things will be fine but I am always so nervous for the appointment regardless if my Alc was normal or not.

Duchess and The Needed Change

I am now dealing with the whining issue since my recent seizure some times after seizures I have gathered that Duchess views this personally as a failure. Shortly after the seizure she will then decide on her own to change her alert because she thinks it is not effective. Which really makes sense but nothing drives more crazy than whining. So it is not an alert that I want her to use and I like her to keep the noise to a very minimum level and her whining can get loud. So it looks like I may need to go back to using the bringsel again to alert. I really hate the whining so I know I need to use and old alert or find a new one for her to learn. She loves learning new things so I know she would probably like to learn a new one. The issue can be finding an alert that does not drive me crazy but also is easy enough for Duchess to do.

So I am back to looking at what options I have to create a new alert for her or possibly one she feel better about. Duchess really amazes me how she handles these moments of scary with such patience. She never gives up and keeps going even after a bad seizure or low. She is always affected in one way or another by these episodes. So I will go with the change and try to find an alert that works for both of us. It can be difficult at times to find options that work for us both. I know last time I ended up bringing back and old alert which seemed to appease Duchess. Right now she is going back to pawing my legs instead of licking my hand. It will probably take another week of working with her to use the old alert and not whine. I am so glad that she is willing to just go with the other alert for now. Most of the time then she will go back to licking my hand instead of the alternate alert.

Giving New Things a Try

I recently purchased Duchess a new service dog vest and I for the first time in 3 years I have to actually purchase patches for her vest. The previous dog vests were customizable and I could select from a few patches that were sewn on. I was searching online when I saw a patch that I thought might get people to stop and think just for a moment. My favorite part of the patch is the saying I don't pet you while you are working. I am trying to get the people who are the dog lovers who think that the patches do not apply to them.  I meet them frequently and I usually have to put my hand in front of Duchess to get them to stop petting. I always try my best to educate but at times I have to stop them which does not seem to teach them anything. So I am always looking for ways to get people's attention by using different or unusual patches really seem to help send a message. This has really worked well so far and I hoping it will in the future.

 

I have found that when I get on the bus that people are commenting on her patches and they seem to be taking what the patch is saying seriously which is my goal. I really hate having to tell people not to pet her consonantly.So far and I am loving her new patches and I don't even need to have a separate patch stating medical alert dog technically but I do have one on her vest. I know so far Duchess seems to love her Ruff wear vest and her new patches. I am hoping that the new patches continue to get people to think before they do a drive by pet which happens frequently. I am thankful that most of the time Duchess is able to not be too distracted by this but at times it can take away her focus.

Helping In Ways I Never Realized

I know my recent events have really made me think about things. I know every time the EMS is their at work I am always worried they are trying to make me go to the hospital. Most of the time I go against the recommendations and go home. I know what they are going to do at the hospital and I can do it at home. So I stay home where both of us are most comfortable. Each time the EMS is their the local University police shows up. They have repeatedly interfered in the past with my ability to get transported with Duchess. Their can be consequences for both of us being separated. I am so used to having Duchess their in my darkest moments I really depend upon her more than I have ever realized we are a team who works well together. She keeps me calm and cool during these events by being her crazy self. I know she is nervous for me and really cares. I know during these moments their is no other place she would rather be than with me.

She was trained to be with me during these moments and most of all she needs me just as much as I need her. I know I have been through so much and I feel like having Duchess their really helps me in ways I never dreamed. I normally stay really calm and cool anyways, but I tend to be reacting inside to these feelings. The interesting thing is that Duchess knows if I am upset, scared or just feeling let down. She picks up my emotions so well at times she seems to know before I do at times. I know I can handles this alone, I have plenty of times in the past but I just feel better not doing it alone. I has always been told I am very stoic and I do not usually ask for help. So having Duchess near bye I don't have to ask she just knows me too well.

I am beyond thankful that even in my worst and my best days that Duchess is her with me. She is constantly keeping me safer and makes me feel comfortable taking on challenges. Duchess will always be my best friend and I know I am blessed to have her in my life. I never dreamed that Duchess would be helping me in so many unexpected ways. I know I feel safer than I did when I was first diagnosed with Hypoglycemia Unawareness and that peace of mind is priceless. I know I value my freedom and my ability to hold a job which all goes back to Duchess doing a wonderful job.

How I Feel Now

I know since my seizure and the guy who said I inspired him at the gym my mind has been going a hundred miles an hour these days. I have been strangely on this adrenaline rush of sorts since my seizure. I know a person on the bus said to me you remind me of the main character in the book Tris in the Divergent movie. There is a quote " Fear doesn't shut you down; It wakes you up" which is really quite true for most Diabetics I am sure. I know I tend to be different at times maybe I am an just different in how I handle seizures from time to time. I have been on this complete adrenaline rush of sorts which seems strange to me I guess it has been thankfully a while since my last one. I know the comments made me think it is really strangely true how after the moments of scary I tend to either really be affected by it or it just seems to pump me up. I know at work I have been plowing right through it and seems to keep going. So I am finding my response to the recent seizure to be true I did seem to really wake up to the fact of how dangerous the seizures can be.

I know I am not mad or upset or even in denial, but this time I just feel really awake. I know I needed to make changes quickly after the seizure which I did do. I am still feeling just over the top energy which I am taking advantage of but I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing. I know I feel differently after each seizure I have experienced and this is one is no different. It is extremely hard to explain where I am currently at but I am not in a bad place right now and I am thankful.

Left Completely Speechless

I am not normally a person who can be left speechless but last night I was. I had been at the gym on the elliptical for around 15 minutes. When a man approached I was working out. I had my head phones on and I had to take them off. Normally I do not get interrupted at the gym which I like normally I like getting into a mindset of concentrating on my goal for the night. The man said he had been coming to the gym for a while. He told me that he was in firefighter training. He said he noticed that I was treating a low blood sugar while working out several times he saw me at the gym.

He said he knew my life was not most likely not easy but manageable with my service dog. He said I had inspired him by my determination to finish and get through the work outs even with all the obstacles I face. He then said that I inspired him to do more as well in his life. That is a really overwhelming statement to take in. I know he said he noticed that I seemed to just make it look easy. I know he was learning about Diabetes and said that he respected how much effort I put into staying healthy even with obstacles. I know during the conversation I could only say Thank you but I felt like I would not even begin to know what to say. Normally I can be a chatter box, but last night I was just surprised. I have always thought of myself as very normal and would do what any normal Diabetic does. I guess because I have Duchess it is more noticeable but regardless I am glad I can help put Diabetics in a good light in the minds of a future firefighter. They tend to show up on a great deal of the calls so I know he will be encountering a great deal of us in the future.

I have never thought of myself as inspirational but I know my life is not easy but I feel like I do nothing different than any other Diabetic does really. I do know regardless that it does feel very cool to inspire some one else especially someone who will be encountering Diabetics as part of their job. I know most of the time you only meet these people once but it is nice to know that they are starting to see what our struggles are and not judge us. I know most EMS seem very non judgmental but I have one or two through the years that made assumptions. I know after my seizure I am feeling like my whole world is spinning out of control but it is funny how life sent me a reminder of sorts to give myself some credit for all my hard work.

 

The Aftermath

I know my seizure on Thursday afternoon drew attention as normal. This time when I was at work on Friday I had people surrounded me at my desk all morning and afternoon coming by to check on me. I know they care but for me this is very difficult. I hate one thing in particular and that is all the attention that my lows create for me. I know my whole life I have wanted to avoid attention from lows. I feel like it is a bad attention in my mind. I find all the attention almost over whelming and takes me back to the day of the seizure. I am not ashamed I had a low but I prefer attention for more positive things such as good work or doing a great job on a project. I know I spent most of my life trying to avoid any attention related to my Diabetes when possible. I know all I have ever wanted is to feel as normal as possible. I know these days that will not really be possible especially since I have Duchess.

My Diabetes these days will always garner some attention regardless if I like it or not. So I am adjusting as well as I can to this fact over the past 4 years. I know I am okay with people knowing I have Diabetes and asking questions, but when it involves lows or seizures that is where I am most uncomfortable. I know I am working on trying to get used to the fact that yes their will always be a chance I can have a seizure and I can't prevent them all. I do work hard and do everything I can. I know with having Hypoglycemia Unawareness that I will be more prone to lows and I know that could mean more moment of scary. I guess I may never be completely okay with the seizures and bad lows but I also know I should not be comfortable with either. It can be so taxing to deal with the after math of bad lows. I don't feel angry or upset just completely dazed.

I Feel Like a Complete Failure

Disaster strikes again. It was around 4:15pm that my boss asks me if I was feeling okay she said I looked tired. I said I was fine which we all in the Diabetic world means I am really not okay. I did have that on my sheet. Normally my co-workers are around but it was late when people start to leave for the day. My co-worker was out sick so their was only an Intern and my manager their at the time.Their also was a co-worker who was told to get the front desk to call 911 because I was having a seizure. I know I had done a class on what to do but they missed a big step because they could not see the directions in the Glucagon kit clearly. I know when you are panicked it can be hard to concentrate. So they accidentally just injected the saline solution but not the glucagon sadly. Thankfully EMS was their quickly and was able to get my seizure to stop. They had to use an IV because I had been seizing for a while and decided that it would be quicker. I am always for what is going to work best.

I was so ashamed, embarrassed and mortified this happened again. I had just hit over two year of being seizure free and not I am back to start again. I worked so hard and I feel completely defeated this time normally I am bouncing back and feeling just angry but this time I truly feel like a failure. I know it is never easy but I always blame myself because as a perfectionist I want to make no mistakes. We all know their is numerous things that can affect blood sugar and sadly you can't prevent it all. I know I should not feel defeated but I completely feel let down by the fact that I had made it so far. I was really hoping I could keep them at bay for longer. I know for me each year is truly and accomplishment but I wanted more.

I was reviewing my Dexcom which did not detect I was low until 30 minutes afterwards. Their was a dramatic drop shown that only went to 50 but I was actually 12. The Dexcom did not seem to catch it because it was moving so quickly. I was very fortunate that Duchess alerted my boss as she was trained to do. She also alerted the intern. So she saved the day again. I am truly blessed to have here with me through all these stressful events.I know I feel bad making her go to work this morning she was so tired. These events do take their toll on her in some ways. I know they do on me as well. I feel fine today but mentally I feel like I am stuck in a place of constant review of everything over and over again.

Looking Back

I almost now feel like I should have know that Hypoglycemia Unawareness was coming my way. I know several times during my teens I got on the wrong bus from school and luckily eventually came to enough to get myself home. I know over the years I never once realized that was not really normal. I knew most people felt most lows so I thought not feeling them occasionally was normal. I know because it did not happen frequently I thought it was not a big deal and was not really a big deal. I always seemed to be okay and so I assumed I would always be okay. I know through the years there was always these events where lows seemed to catch up with me like during high school state testing. I was in the middle of writing my paper in class when I passed out and they ended up calling the EMS. I can tell you I still hate that day because all the students I went to school say me being hauled out on a stretcher as they were in the middle of going to their next classes. I still remember the embarrassment I felt like it was yesterday.

I know I always felt like having these events were some what normal but now I realize more than ever that it was really a clue that missed during these incredibly stressful events. Then there was the times around 25 years old where I was working out more but not eating enough and had really bad lows where I was late picking up my sister from school several times. I know I was buy cleaning and stopped for a minute and just passed out. There was not shaking, fast heart beat, grumpiness or any other symptom except being tired. I did not give one moment of thought about the fact I was not feeling lows much anymore. I know I did notice if I was low while working out but not as much when out and about. I know my life was really busy so I guess I focused on other things instead of noticing all the changes at times. I know I learned a great deal of lessons from my experiences. I also know grieving the loss of my mother during that time who also was a type 1 was the most difficult thing. So I know I was not really aware of everything I should have been.

Changes in Partnership

I have noticed recently that Duchess is really loving the running. In fact she seems to be even more on top of my blood sugars. The most interesting part for me is that I do work out five days a week and run three of the days I workout. So it is not like I am running a great deal we usually run a couple of miles and it seems to really get her more focused and it seems to bring us together more as team. I never knew she liked running as much as she does. She seems to get a little too excited when we first start out running I have to remind her to slow her pace otherwise she will be dragging behind when I am trying to finish up the run. It is a learning curve for both of us. I have run before with her but with no real need to run a certain distance or need to run a certain amount of time so we both our learning what works for us. She seems to love knowing which day of the weeks we are going to run and looks forward to it each day. I am thinking of making it four days a week but like having days where I work out on the elliptical and other machines at the gym.

I think mixing up the routine is helping me to allow my body to adjust to running instead of starting to run everyday which would be difficult when you are just starting out so I am happy I have found a good balance to try and keep things interesting. I know I am happy Duchess is loving running and I am starting to enjoy it the more I go and I know their will be times where I won't want to run but most of the time once I am out their I do fine. So I pleased that Duchess even with all the changes seems to be able to improve her alerting she is now alerting like this morning I was 112 and she alerted and I could not figure out why. Then a couple minutes later I look at Dexcom it was slowing moving up then 120. Since she let me know early I was able to give a small amount of insulin to prevent a big jump like I saw yesterday morning. Some days she just amazes me how she knows so early. I know I am enjoying our time running as well. Nice to have someone with you when you out on adventures.

Rough Start to Weekend

I had been doing so great recently I really did not expect issues to show up on Saturday. Thankfully I did not need any assistance to get my self to where I needed to be. I had trouble sleeping most of the weekend sadly but especially on Friday night. I woke up from a bad low around 5am and treated the low and ate some food. I was trying to get my blood sugars to stay level so I would be able to get a couple more hours of sleep. I sadly woke up instead at 12:43pm on Saturday afternoon and still low. I luckily was aware enough to realize that I needed to eat something so I grabbed a glucose tablet and a muffin. I know I needed to get moving for the day as well. So I started to get ready for the day still feeling really tired but I wanted to get some things accomplished for the day.

I leave the house and head to the store I get their and my blood sugar was normal and seemed steady according to the Dexcom. The next thing I hear is the high alarm. I know I was low from around 6-12:43pm so I could be more prone to more lows. I did bolus for some of the muffin so I was not expecting the 180 and rising. Thankfully I decided to just inject verses using my pump. I had changed my infusion set that morning and wanted to also verify that it was not a bad site. So it turned out that my site was good but my blood sugars did not want to be in normal range. Thankfully I was able to get my blood sugar down in three hours which is not great but for being so low for so long I really should not be surprised.

I know Friday night I did run but normally I do not have these issues in the morning most of the time. I have had an increase in lows but was constantly adjusting the basals. The on Saturday night I was running 140 straight across all night long which is a little higher than usual but thankfully not low. So I ran a little higher last night as well. I have had some issues making adjustments because some days I am not able to find the reason I need to make the changes. So I will continue to make the best decision I can make. I am just bummed that I have not been able to get the reasons why figured out but at least most of the time the changes are working.

Surprise From Endocrinologist Office

I got home yesterday from work and rushing around to get things done before I head to the gym. I went and checked the mail. I know my Dr.'s office was trying to get all diabetics with long term insulin use the Lilly Diabetes Journey Awards. They applied for the medals for all the patients. I was quite surprised because my Endocrinologist office is throwing a party and presenting us our medals from Lily in November. I was really surprised that they spent the time and money to do something so wonderful for all the patients. I know I am looking forward to getting my 25 year medal. I know I am beyond impressed with how my Dr. is honoring his patients with a little party and presentations. I am really seeing my Endocrinologist office wanting to learn more about conference I attend and other local things such as meet up groups. The office is trying to find more ways for patience to get support and it is nice to see them encouraging people to meet other Diabetics.

I know it has changed my world in a great deal of ways. I am really excited to be able to participate in the upcoming events and glad to see that my Dr.'s office cares and wants us to do well which I already knew. I know I wish all patients had access to Dr.'s like mine who will until they find answers to issues that patients experience especially for the odd one's like me. I know my reaction to things is not always typical so they really have to be creative when it comes to my care most of the time. I am really thankful to see that they are continually looking for ways to support Diabetics because that mean's they are getting how important finding balance and having support is when having a chronic illness. I love that my Physicians Assistant goes above and beyond as well. She tells me about local gluten free places she has eaten because she has Celiac's disease too. It is nice to get an office who works hard to make sure I get what I need.

Making Things Better For Us Both

I have been working on looking at ways I can make Duchess life better. I have implemented two play times which are my breaks at work. She loves me throwing her toy around and looks forward to it all day long. She genuinely seems happier in general. Here alerting seems to be even improved with the changes. I have also been looking at ways to make my workouts better for Duchess. I do take her out running with me three days a week now and she loves running so far. I also have not noticed any issues with the running. I do keep her on join supplements to help keep her joints well cared for. I also have been giving her treats ever so often while we are at the gym. She seems to be more attentive if I make the time at the gym more fun for her. Duchess has a great deal of needs and seems to need changes in her routine occasionally to keep her happy.

I am just thrilled that these changes have really seemed to make her even happier than she previously was when were at the gym or at work. I know I do ask a great deal of her and most of the time she is just happy to be with me. I know by looking for more ways to improve her experience I will keep her more content with her work and life in general. Duchess really is a typical lab in that she loves to run and fetch. She really needs certain stimulation to keep her at her happiest. I know my life is complicated so thankfully with having more time now to work on my own personal life and concentrate more on Duchess.

She will always be the most important thing in my life and I have always tried to keep he a top priority. I now feel like my life is happier because I feel like I am more demanding but that means Duchess and I our now safer than we were previously. I realized that I need to speak up at times to get what I need especially for Duchess because they don't have a service dog or realize how many limitations she does have. I can only expect her to work so many hours. If I work too many hours she tends to alert less which is understandable.